Dear Savvy Auntie,

My daughter is 11.  When she was a year and a half, I had her baptized.  We're Catholic, so she had to have one Catholic godparent.  I chose one of my best friends and lined up my brother as her godfather.

Well, our other best friend got her feelings hurt that she wasn't chosen as my daughter's godmother, so I conferred with my priest and he said she could have more than one godmother.  She ended up having eight - my girlfriends have been like sisters to me, so I couldn't leave any of them out.  

Fast-forward to today and I want to fire them all. I don’t think any of them are good at the job.  And I know it's not a "job," but I was hoping for a little more effort.  A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with one of the godmothers and she asked for our address because she wanted to send my daughter a gift card for her birthday. I suggested instead that when we come to her area that she take her goddaughter shopping instead of sending a gift card.

I went on to say that my daughter resents all her godmothers because they don't call or take the time to see how she is doing.  For her birthday, one godmother texted me on my phone to wish her a happy birthday, a couple others wished her a happy birthday via my Facebook profile. Only one wished her a happy birthday on my daughter's own Facebook profile.
In the conversation with this particular godmother, she said she didn't really know what was expected and that if I told her, she would try her best to do better. This has been a sore issue with me and I am tired of griping about it. Is there a guideline in your opinion on what a godmother is supposed to do?

Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,

I love your creative solution of making eight women your daughter's godmothers. However, your friends and cousin may not have taken it seriously since it was so unique. So, why not have a conversation with each one and ask them what they see as their role in your daughter's life now and in the future? The objective “rules” no longer are in effect, so why not use your creativity to formulate new and individualized roles?

Be careful - if a friend offers a token gift, accept it graciously and teach your daughter to do the same, or she may imitate your resentful attitude. Since it is a spiritual and religious relationship, I suggest you allow it to develop from each person.

On another note, it is my understanding that Facebook has a rule that you must be thirteen years old to join; I think it is a good guideline as children may be unaware of the dangers.
Best of luck,
Natalie Robinson Garfield

Natalie Robinson Garfield ,

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