Dear Savvy Auntie,

I am 38 and dating a divorced man with two kids. His ex-wife keeps using as a dig: "She would not understand. She does not have children." She also posting things on Facebook like "You're not a true mom till you have counted every toe."

This is her way of "hurting" me since I do not have kids but  always wanted to be a mother. It amazes me how someone can be so mean. How should I handle this situation?

Hurt Auntie

Dear Hurt Auntie,

This ex-wife sounds angry angry, possessive, and jealous; not an unusual combination for ex-wives and ex-husbands.She seems to feel the threat that you and your boyfriend are quite serious. These types of unfounded accusations and assumptions should not be repeated as it gives them attention they don’t deserve and can be hurtful. The bigger question is why this person told you...are they using her words to express their own feelings? If so, this is a good opportunity to better understand  their ideas and feelings.
What to do? I suggest you “unfriend” the “ex” as no good can come  of either of you knowing the other’s chattings.
Most importantly, you can educate yourself about parenting by reading good parenting books. There are many on the market, my favorite author is T.Berry Brazelton. In addition, you can look on the internet at some of the chat rooms and blog sites, be selective as there are as many ideas and suggestions as there are sites. If you would like more specific resources please write to me (subject line: Dear Savvy Auntie at and give me the ages of the children, I would be glad to advise you about what to read.
I strongly advise against saying anything to the “ex-wife” unless she says something directly to you. Do not allow any talk in front of the kids as this will be upsetting to them. If the situation is warmer than your question implies, you can invite her out for coffee and an open and frank discussion of how each of your parenting styles are different and ways to make them more similar.
Be patient, she may come around in time.
Best of luck,
Natalie Robinson Garfield

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