Making small talk has never been one of my favored pastimes. In fact, I try to avoid it wherever possible. It's not that I don't want to meet new people - it's just that there are only so many times you can talk about the weather, local sports teams, etc.

Sometimes, though, small talk takes a turn for the personal in an uncomfortable way.

I recently attended a new exercise class, and there was one other woman there in addition to me. We introduced ourselves to one another and talked briefly about where we lived. She started to talk about enjoying the chance to have some time alone without her four-year-old son, and then she asked the question:

"Do you have any kids yet?"

"Yet." That little, three-letter word. It gets us into so much trouble sometimes.

Part of the issue with "yet" is that it's a loaded word when combined with a question. It can carry with it a host of assumptions, simply because we all begin from our own default. We view the world through our own eyes and look at others through the filter of our lens.

My acquaintance's lens showed her a woman of childbearing age wearing a wedding ring, and, to her, those clues said that I would probably want kids if I didn't have some already.

When I'm put in these situations, I always think about how I would have felt had I been infertile or if I had had a miscarriage and was asked that question. Would I be able to keep my emotions in check? It would probably result in quite an uncomfortable moment for both of us.

The bottom line is that I don't know if there will be a "yet" for me. I'm not far enough into my life journey to really know. I've never been one of those women with a strong desire to have children of her own, and I've been perfectly content to be a Godmother and ABC (Auntie-by-Choice) to a group of totally awesome kids.

It's always been my belief that part of being a responsible parent is knowing when not to have children, so maybe I'm already doing my parenting without knowing it.

I can't really blame my exercise buddy for assuming that I was eventually going to go down the same path she had. But I think the lesson I'm taking away from that moment is that we all need to respect one another's privacy and understand that personal questions may not always be appropriate on first meetings.

I think I share this feeling with anyone who is in a committed relationship and is constantly asked "When are you getting married?," and anyone who is already a parent and is asked, "When are you having another?"

The short, blunt answer is "It's none of your business." But I haven't found a good way to make the long answer a short and non-rude one that also doesn't open a can of worms.

Any ideas, Savvy Aunties?

Melanie Linn Gutowski, Savvy Auntie's Associate Editor, is a proud Godmother and ABC.

Published: September 14, 2010