Originally published in Huffington Post Women on January 18, 2012

The grief hit me in my mid-thirties without warning.

By all appearances, my life was fantastic, or pretty close. I had a great job in New York City, good friends, some good dates. But then there were times, lonely days and nights, when I would cry. I would sob. I would lie in bed awake for hours, tears running onto my pillow. I was in mourning, but I didn't know it.

Having experienced the same feeling for a few years, I now know the grief was over being childless, or more poignantly, over the loss of the baby I never held in my arms. By that point in my life I had expected to be married and a mother to at least two kids. I was far from it, still very single, no kids. Passing by a new mother and her infant strolling down Broadway would rattle my womb. Even seeing a woman swollen from seven or eight months of pregnancy would make my petite frame feel invisible and small. The sadness I'd feel around my period was deeper than hormonal. I was mourning the loss of one more chance at the family life I always dreamed of.

And I grieved alone.

Grief over not being able to have children is acceptable for couples going through biological infertility. Grief over childlessness for a single woman in her thirties and forties is not as accepted. Instead, it's assumed we just don't understand that our fertility has a limited lifespan and we are simply being reckless with chance. We're labeled "career women" as if we graduated college, burned our bras and got jobs to exhibit some sort of feminist muscle. Or, it's assumed we're not 'trying hard enough,' or we're 'being too picky.' The latest trend is to assume we don't really want children because we haven't frozen our eggs, adopted or had a biological baby as a single woman.

This type of grief, grief that is not accepted or that is silent, is referred to as disenfranchised grief. It's the grief you don't feel allowed to mourn, because your loss isn't clear or understood. You didn't lose a sibling or a spouse or a parent. But losses that others don't recognize can be as powerful as the kind that is socially acceptable.

Let me be clear. When you're over 35 and heartbroken over a breakup with the guy who you hoped would be 'the one' or haven't had a good date in a while or watch your close friends go on to their second or third pregnancy, it's hard. It's disarming. And sometimes, it's unbearable.

I've always loved being around babies. I couldn't get enough of my own newborn nieces and nephew. Not having my own, I felt like the world, in one big swoop, was moving forward and I was being held back.

Turning 40 helped. Just the anticipation of turning 37... 38... 39 and remaining single was creating more anxiety than anything else in my life. Once I hit 40, I realized that despite my dreams (and deep biological and emotional desire to be a mother), I was still happy for all the other things in my life. Being an aunt was (and will probably always be) my greatest joy. Starting my own business, becoming an author and fulfilling my professional potential have been extraordinarily rewarding.

I'm 42 now, and I've quietly moved on. Becoming a mother at this point would be a very happy surprise. Of course, I still have my moments. That hard-won peace of mind can be interrupted by an unexpected package from a PR agency sending me a newborn baby onesie for promotion. (There's something about a onesie I have no use for that is especially tender). Or when people assume I never wanted kids because I don't have any. Or act surprised when I reveal that I do. Or worse, presume I am happier for being childless or more fortunate for not having to 'worry about kids.' Some have even come to call me "childfree" -- a term coined by those who have chosen never to have children and have no desire to have children, simply because I've 'chosen' to wait for love. I not only have to cope with my circumstantial infertility, but I have to defend my desire to be married to someone I'm crazy about before conceiving. I have to defend why I'm not a mother when it's all I ever wanted to be.

The grief over never becoming a mother is one I will never get over, like the grief over losing my own mother 23 years ago. But like that kind of grief, with time, it's no longer constant or active. Yes, there's still hope I'll meet a man who has the desire to have a baby with me and will be prepared to be with me through the treatments I may need to make that happen. Or grieve with me should they not work. But mainly, I just keep going, looking for love. Thankfully, there's no biological time limit on that dream.

I cautiously hold onto the hope that I may still have a chance to hold my baby in my arms -- and that I am still attractive to men who want children too. I know I'm not alone. I am one of the 18 percent of American women between the ages of 40 and 44 who are childless. Pew Research reports that half of this group has chosen that fate; they are childfree by choice. And the rest of us, about one million American childless women ages 40 to 44, suffer from biological or circumstantial infertility.

How we choose to move on from this grief is now the focus of our own kind of happily ever after. And I must say, I plan for my 'happy' to indeed be ever after. And hopefully, it won't be alone.

January 9, 2012

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm thrilled to announce that the fourth annual Auntie's Day will take place on Sunday, July 22nd!



Click here for the press release!


Aunthood is a gift. This day is yours.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

December 20, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

There are a series of milestones Western society views as steps a female takes toward full-fledged womanhood.  The first stage starts with the beginning of menstruation around age 12 ½, then goes on to the wearing of a bra, (the next items are in no particular order) then makeup, a driver’s license, losing virginity, getting a degree, finding a job…  and then the real clinchers, marriage and children.  The first is unavoidable. The next group, while not compulsory, is not unusual. The latter two, marriage and children, can be one’s choice to avoid, one’s choice to do, or one’s choice to hope for. But motherhood weighs the heaviest in attitudinal perception of womanhood.

In a new report published last month by Springer Science+Business Media, LLC:  ‘Unnatural’, ‘Unwomanly’, ‘Uncreditable’ and ‘Undervalued’: The Significance of Being a Childless Woman in Australian Society,  authors Stephanie Rich, Ann Taket, Melissa Graham, Julia Shelley Published studied the experiences of childless women in contemporary Australia. The study revealed five recurring themes:  woman = mother; notions of ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’; childlessness as a discrediting attribute; feeling undervalued; and the significance of being childless.

With no American similar study of late, I was curious to learn what Australian women were experiencing whether they chose to be childless, whether they cannot conceive, or whether they, like me, were awaiting a mate with whom to have children. Like in Australia, more American woman are childless than ever before.  Over forty-seven percent of U.S. women are not mothers by age 45. And when we do have children, it’s later in life than ever before. The White House Report: Women in America (March 2011) reports that “there has been a steep rise in the share of women age 25–29 who have not had a child, rising from 31 percent in 1976 to about 46 percent in 2008.” Furthermore, the “likelihood of a woman having her first child at age 30 or older increased roughly six-fold from about 4 percent of all first-time mothers in the 1970s to 24 percent in 2007.” About one fifth of American are childless between ages 40 and 44.

And yet, as the Australian study sets out to show, childlessness is not yet understood or seen as a norm. Western society is pronatalist. Our society expects people to get married and have children. Those who are not married and/or do not have children are considered anomalous. Having babies is perceived as natural; it’s what women do. The study states: “….womanhood and motherhood come to be seen as synonymous identities and facets of experience. Thus for women, parenting and the act of mothering are not only presented as desirable, but are in fact seen as the natural expression of their ‘femininity’. While motherhood has been recognized as mostly undervalued in society through holding little material or social status, non-motherhood is often granted even lower prestige. As such, the lives of Australian childless women are further influenced by prevailing motherhood discourses, in which women without the desire (voluntary), ability (involuntary) or opportunity (circumstantial) to have children, may be seen as abnormal and unfeminine.”

The effect on women is profound. In the first theme the researchers uncovered - ’ woman=mother’ -respondents felt that by their forties, they were presumed mothers, or presumed unhappy if known not to be. It’s assumed that if you are a woman, you are meant to be a mother. Period. Women are also made to feel that their bodies exist only as vessels for childbirth. Women in the study explained that moms even get to own the negative stuff, like stretch marks and sagging breasts. But these are changes that can occur to any woman who ages or doesn’t keep in shape. In effect, not being mothers affected the way society views these women’s adult-femininity.

The study shares how childless women are meant to feel ‘unnatural,’ when they reach a certain age. Until we are in our later fertility years, being childless is natural. Most would not say it’s natural for a young woman to be a mother at 14. Childlessness is the state in which a girl is born. But once she reaches her mid thirties, she is judged for that natural being. “It’s not natural!” is the popular refrain.

The women in the study also felt discredited for their childlessness.  Childlessness is an “attribute they felt was associated with being selfish, and having lesser care or compassion.” As the founder of Savvy Auntie, the media company designed for the nearly 50 percent of American women who love the children  in their lives but are not mothers themselves, I know for a fact that most women are generous, giving and full of compassion for children they did not give birth to. But yet, they are discredited for this simply because they are generous with other people’s kids, not their own.

Which is why the fourth theme resonates so much with me: “feeling undervalued.” First, in this pronatalist society, mothers are lifted to a new echelon in society, with popular refrains like “There’s no more important job than motherhood!”  In fact, the study states that “childless women have often been stereotyped as having either no time for, or spending no time with, children; consequently, they are perceived as having no understanding of children.”  Again, I can tell you from my research for my book, SAVVY AUNTIE, that this is blatantly untrue. In fact, I even given a name to the valuable time an aunt spends with a child because it’s that influential. I’ve dubbed it “QualAuntie Time.”

Finally, the significance of being labeled “childless” weighed on how the women in the study felt perceived by society. There is little positivity in the word; no one wants to be made to feel less than anything. (I have gone on to use the term “childfull” since Savvy Aunties choose to love the children in their lives. I realize it’s not a perfect solution, but it feels like a much more proactive state than being ‘less than’ anything.)

When I share the data about childlessness in America, many, even those focused on marketing to women, are surprised. The perception is that the societal norm for women is motherhood. Truth is, we’re only half way there.

To those who have anything in common with the women in this Australian study, let me assure you of this: babies are born from the womb, but maternity is born from the soul. There are many ways to mother. And when our society begins to view us as valuable and significant contributors to society and the American Family Village, we all win. Especially the children.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and author, Savvy Auntie

November 28, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Donny Deutsch, ad man-turned cable TV show host-turned morning show expert on just about anything, looked straight into the camera. Normally, he'd be looking at Savannah Guthrie, the Today Show moderator of the curiously popular (and yet curiously entertaining) "Today's Professionals" segment to share his opinions. But this morning, Donny seemed to have something especially important to say.

The recurring segment, a panel of three opinionated professionals:  Star Jones, Esq.; Nancy Snyderman, M.D.; and Donny, is filled with banter about the hot topics of the day, refereed by Guthrie to get to the next hot topic as the segment time counts down quickly. But with this topic, about whether or not women are naïve about their fertility lifespan, Donny wanted the viewing audience to hear him loud and clear. His message was directed to the single women of a certain age still hoping to find a mate and have a child. It went something like this: "Don't wait any longer," he warned as he stared into the camera. "Have a baby on your own." Then, to add a bonus to his big idea, he says: "Trust me, men will find you even more attractive if you do."

Guthrie, who is reportedly separated from her husband of six years and who will turn 40 in December, is childless. She seemed visibly uncomfortable with the topic from the start, clear to point out she is well-aware of her fertility math and believes most women are. Nevertheless, she dutifully asked the panel for their thoughts.

Jones, close to 50 and divorced, said not having children was her greatest regret. Dr Nancy, a mother in her late 50s, blamed the cliché go-to reason, women's career drive. And the debonair Donny Deutsch, who fathered his last child at age 49, was telling single women what to do.

American Women are having children later than ever. Forty-six percent of women ages 25-29 are childless, compared with 31 percent in 1976. Fourteen percent of first-time moms are age 35 or older. And nearly one-fifth of women 40-44 are not mothers.  Research indicates that half of the latter group is simply waiting for Mr. Right. This new fertility phenomenon, first blamed on career, now blamed on naiveté, is what's spurned a new trend in voluntary single motherhood. Forty one percent of mothers are unmarried (we don't know, however, how many are in committed relationships with the baby's father, a la Natalie Portman and fiancé Benjamin Millepied who had a son, Aleph, together earlier this year). That's compared with just 5 percent of moms who were unwed in 1960. Overall, Pew Research states that as recently as 2008, <a href="http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2010/11/18/the-decline-of-marriage-and-rise-of-new-families/6/" target="_hplink">69 percent</a> of all Americans thought single women having children on their own is a bad thing- an opinion point that increases to 75 percent when you single out the married people. (To be clear, I'm part of the minority who thinks otherwise.)

A few of acquaintances of mine, accomplished women in their late 30s and early 40s, have decided to become single mothers. Without a mate in site, each determined it was 'now or never' to have the baby they desired. One, the recent mother of twins, went so far as to start a business to service single women with resources on how to have a baby on their own. Others remain somewhat secretive of their pregnancy, presumably avoiding questions and judgment.

But lately, it's women like me who feel judged for not taking the same route. "You could always have a baby on your own," goes the popular refrain.  But this exchange, which once sounded well-meaning and hopeful, has become filled with a more stern sense of warning about never becoming the biological mothers we dreamed of if we don't go ahead and, as Donny so over-simply put it, have a baby on our own.

When did voluntarily becoming a single mother become the barometer for one's deep desire to be a mother? Since when did having a baby on one's own mark a woman's levels of attractiveness to men or rank her bravery?

The day after the Today Show segment, I was having coffee with my friend "Jon," a 40-something divorced dad who does not date women who want to have a children, although he dates women with children already. He simply has no desire to become a father again himself. I reported that I felt frustrated by Donny's remark. After all, how would I have a baby without back up? My mother is no longer alive. My father lives in another country. My brother has children of his own to worry about... How could I earn a living and raise my baby - let alone be available for the baby? You can't easily be a stay-at-home-mother and pay the rent on that home without a partner.

 "I've recently been dating a woman who had a kid on her own at age 41," Jon replied.  She's a social worker at a New York City public school and frankly I was curious about how she could afford to do it. Slowly but surely, after I visited her three-bedroom Upper East Side apartment and heard of her Hamptons home, I could tell she came from a wealthy family. I guess it helps if you have parents who can lend a hand and a mortgage."

Oh Donny. It was the very same year his hit "The Big Idea" TV show about entrepreneurship first aired on CNBC that I was starting my own company, Savvy Auntie. One of the reasons I started the business was that I knew there was no way I could be a single mother and earn enough income working in corporate America to support the child. The women who earned enough at my former employer traveled once or twice a month for days at a time. And we all stayed in the office well past 7 P.M., often even well into the night. I started my business thinking that if I did choose to have a child on my own, I could potentially have a chance of being available to pick her up from preschool or make his parent-teacher night on time. But that is still not within reach for me.

I don't discredit Donny's idea that men are attracted to women who have a baby on their own. Motherhood and bravery look good on most women. Plus, it takes the pressure off the men one dates to get married and have children before the woman's clock stops ticking. But isn't it enough that I lose points for my womanhood by not being a wife and mother? Must I also lose my attraction for not choosing to have a baby on my own? And why, despite how I started a company to show the value aunts and godmothers play in the American Family Village, is my desire for a child of my own discounted with: "So you don't want children?" simply because I haven't met a man with whom to have children.

Like Jones, remaining childless may be my greatest regret. And I know, like the judgment from Nancy, it will always be presumed I put career before motherhood, or my life before a life that may never begin.

After Donny's camera-centered remarks, Guthrie changed the topic to the final topic of the day, Donny's 54th birthday. A cake was rolled on set and the panel celebrated the happy occasion. Dr. Nancy swiped a little icing from the side of the cake. Jones smiled through her regret. Guthrie seemed happy the segment was over. And I went back to work.

Here's to all the brave women who choose to proactively have a child on their own. And here's to the brave souls who haven't - the ones who believe you cannot, in fact, have your cake and eat it too.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

Originally posted in Huffington Post Women

It was earlier this year when I met Elizabeth at Rm. Fifty5 in the Dream Hotel in Midtown Manhattan. We were there to toast Melissa, a single 40-year-old woman finishing her final treatments for breast cancer. There was so much promise in the air.

Elizabeth, a stylish and attractive woman in her mid-forties who looks much younger than her real age, was also a recent survivor -- not only of breast cancer, but of over a year of unemployment. And she was thrilled. She was about to begin working a few weeks later at a company founded by and designed for women that supports, of all things, women's health. It sounded like the perfect job for Elizabeth, a true survivor.

Six months later, Elizabeth was at a newer job when she called me.

"I have something to tell you," she said, "something I know you'll appreciate considering your audience." Elizabeth knows I write about subjects that concern women without children. She imagined her issue would be best shared with me.

The timing couldn't have been better, I thought to myself when I heard her voice. The week before I had gone for my first mammogram. I'm 42 and had been pushing off making an appointment. But I had finally "gotten it over with" and a week had passed when I realized I was probably in the clear. But in the eleventh hour of that week, a woman with a Brooklyn accent called to tell me they needed more pictures of my left breast and a unilateral breast sonogram. I was doing my best impression of stoicism as I took down the address of the doctor's office again as I completely blanked on where it was, even though I had just been there a week prior.

I hung up the phone with the nurse and wondered what might happen if indeed I had breast cancer. Just days earlier, 38-year-old E! star, Guiliana Rancic, announced on "The Today Show" that she and her husband Bill were putting off her fertility treatments because it was discovered she has breast cancer. "I will be OK, because I found it early," she told Ann Curry and the rest of the nation, holding back tears.

As a single woman, I felt alone for the first time since I had been diagnosed with MS in 2005. There's nothing like a diagnosis to make one feel more single than ever. In that moment, I was somewhat envious of Giuliana because she has Bill, and he'd been by her side throughout the news and later, her lumpectomy. I, like Elizabeth, would go through this alone, if I were diagnosed.

I looked in the bathroom mirror as my eyes filled with water and worry. But there was no time for self-pity. My work day was not over. And besides, in less than 24 hours I'd know my fate. There was nothing I could do but go on as if nothing happened. I blew my nose, threw on some red lipstick (red lipstick always makes me feel more powerful), and went to a business cocktail meeting. I was grateful for the distraction and the Grey Goose and tonic.

It was the next morning, before my follow up appointment, when Elizabeth called. I found it possibly telling that Elizabeth had something to tell me.

"I resigned from my position at [XYZ company]. I was treated so poorly there as a single woman without children. I thought you'd want to know my story."

I looked at the clock. I had time before my appointment. I was happy for another well-timed diversion.

"My position entailed global responsibilities that, similar to previous roles, sometimes required accommodating conference calls on nights or weekends. I was familiar with the drill, however, and previous employers, knowing the hours I was putting in, had always been flexible when it came to my leaving a bit earlier or coming in a little later when I needed to. I was comfortable with this routine, but I was hired eight weeks later than we had originally agreed to and by then, I had breast reconstruction surgery scheduled for November."

I felt my left breast, wondering how I would feel if it ever had to be removed. Would I ever feel comfortable being intimate again? I would hope a husband would still want me no matter what, but a new man? What would he think? I let go of my breast, along with that thought, and continued to listen to Elizabeth.

"Since I had scheduled the next phase of my reconstructive surgery six months earlier, well before undergoing an extensive interview process, I was in workout-mode, knowing I would be unable to exercise for four to six weeks after the procedure. One evening I left the office at 5:30 p.m. to take to a spin class, then have enough time to pick up dinner and still be home in time for an 8:30 p.m. call with the overseas team.

"The next day, my boss casually passed a comment that left me cold. Essentially I was told that just because she sometimes left work early in order to relieve her nanny, it didn't give me the right to leave at the same time as well. Not only was I blindsided by such a blatant double standard, but that this could occur within an organizational culture dominated by women completely blew my mind. As a single and committed professional over forty without children, it was deemed unacceptable for me to have commitments or responsibilities outside of work. It was then that I decided to reveal the nature of my upcoming surgery scheduled for later that fall so that she might understand the reasons behind my early departure and that I was in fact dedicated to my job.

"Needless to say, my boss, a married woman with children, was unimpressed with my need to take any time for myself, much less taking two full weeks off for surgery. From that day forward, she showed her lack of respect for me and following my surgery, she began imposing unrealistic and unreasonable deadlines on me. I did my best to meet the ever-changing expectations, but eventually I decided I could no longer work there and fortunately, I found a part time job to keep me going."

I was shocked. How could an American company with a female consumer base, steeped in supporting women's health, not support a breast cancer survivor? Why is motherhood the only acceptable reason for leaving the office before 6:00 P.M.? If Elizabeth had been a mother with breast cancer, would the company have been more sympathetic?

Elizabeth will never have children of her own. Upon diagnoses of breast cancer at age 42, her doctor asked Elizabeth if she wanted to freeze her eggs. Her doctor was clear. Because her cancer had been estrogen-positive, there could be risks associated with a pregnancy. Elizabeth told me that she immediately laughed at the question. She had decided in her 30s that being a single parent was not the right option for her, not to mention being a single parent who had a short period of time in which to rid herself of cancer and then find the time (and money) it would take to have a baby by surrogacy. She responded no, immediately and emphatically. She had always wanted children. But not alone. Not like this.

Thankfully I do not have to make that decision. Three hours after my call with Elizabeth, the radiologist walked into my examination room, shook my hand and said "Your breasts are fine." And I went home. I went back to working on my business. I went back to my life as I knew it.

Elizabeth has a new job. She's working for a boss who has no issue that she'll take off two weeks this month for her final surgery which should make her look and feel like the woman she was before her mastectomy. By Thanksgiving, Elizabeth told me, she'll be ready to get back to work, back to dating and back to spinning. She knows that as a single woman without children, her life outside of work will not always be considered as important as those of women who are mothers.

And yet, she's proven that her life is worth fighting for. She's a survivor. In more ways than one. And that, in my opinion, is what truly singles her out.

Dear Savvy Aunties,

There are many models in New York City.

We take the subway with them, marvel at their tall skinny legs in high waisted jeans as they walk up Spring Street, and we wonder if they are a bold face name we should know. Today, every model is deemed a supermodel. But we know that's just not true.

If you were there in the 1990's when the term "supermodel" became super popular befitting only the most prominent models like Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, then Claudia Schiffer and Kate Moss, you knew the name Christy Turlington. Christy was the kind looking one with the kind smile and kind eyes. Christy was all-the-way gorgeous, and you couldn't imagine her looking older.

I met Christy recently at the Avon Fragrance "Step Into Sexy" launch at Beauty's on Essex on New York City's Lower East Side. Christy is the spokes-model for the fragrance which, having tested it, smells kind of perfect. It's not to sweet, not too powdery. It's a perfect, every day fragrance that can make your every day feel sexy.

Under the lamps and flashbulbs, Christy and I exchanged hellos and nice-to-meet-yous. I was in awe. She didn't get older one bit. She's simply stunning. And yes, true to her image, perfectly kind.

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin

Photo: Melanie Notkin and Christy Turlington at the Avon Fragrance Step into Sexy launch. Dimitrios Kambouris for Getty Images

November 7, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I founded Savvy Auntie to not only provide resources for aunts, but also so that, like moms and dads at the sandbox, we'd have a place to connect and share our own experiences. This way, we can all become savvier aunties through each other's knowledge and advice. I've dubbed our community the "Auntourage."

If you're on Twitter, please follow me @SavvyAuntie. Since August, 2007, even before the launch of SavvyAuntie.com, I've met so many aunts and godmothers who share their good news and sometimes some hardships with me there. They ask questions, offer answers, and often enough, the aunts find and connect with each other.

If you haven't already, please connect with Savvy Auntie on Facebook. 72,000 Savvy Aunties are there now which is incredible! Of course, right here in our Savvy Auntie  Community section, the Forums are filled with experiences and questions from members of the community. I encourage you to respond or post your own.

I'm so thrilled that Savvy Auntie finally enables those who love the children in their lives to connect with others who do as well. I'm so happy you are all part of the Savvy Auntourage.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 24, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Part of being a Savvy Auntie is to not only be a positive influence for the children our lives, but also trying to be a good influence to children all over.

Last week, I was invited to spend some time with students at Bread and Roses High School in Harlem and share how I started my company, Savvy Auntie, and hopefully open their minds to a different type of career. I was invited by Ardella McClarty, founder of Young Smiling Faces.

The students were great. They listened attentively, asked great questions and I feel that some were truly inspired. But I wanted these kids to take away more from this than the possibility of starting their own businesses one day. I wanted to share some important lessons too.

I told them to save for their dream and not to squander earned income at the beginning of their careers on ephemeral, material things. I want them to focus on their dreams - whether that dream was to start a business or to just have enough money to take a plane for a athletic try-out or buy a new suit for a job interview.

I reminded them that one day they will graduate high school and many will graduate college but not to think of graduation as the end of learning, but the beginning. Another word for graduation is commencement, which means the beginning. School teaches them how to read, but then when they leave school they need to read on their own. I encouraged them to read one book a month. If they want to become the next Steve Jobs, then read his biography which is coming out now.

I told them not to listen to anyone who doesn't believe in them - even family members. Family loves us and doesn't want to see us take a risk only to fail. But they can also keep us away from going forward with our dreams. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will, I said.

At the end of the class, some of us took a photo together. It was such a joyful moment to pose for a picture with so many kids with so much promise. Here's to them!



XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 17, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I’ve had three prescriptions for mammograms over the last year and a half. And until the last one, I made excuses why I don’t need to have one.

First of all, I don’t feel any lumps when I self-examine. (Of course, if you feel a lump, it might be malignant, and a mammogram picks up lumps before you can feel them. And the earlier you find cancer, the better the prognoses.)

Secondly, I have no family history of breast cancer. But while the risk is higher for those women who do, 85 percent of women who get breast cancer don’t have a family history.

Thirdly, newer reports say that women don’t need mammograms until they are 50, not at the age of 40 as we’ve come to know. But one in eight invasive breast cancer patients are younger than age 45.

And then I read this on cancer.org, the Website of the American Cancer Society, an important note for all Savvy Aunties who do not (yet) have children:

"Women who have had no children or who had their first child after age 30 have a slightly higher breast cancer risk. Having many pregnancies and becoming pregnant at a young age reduce breast cancer risk. Pregnancy reduces a woman's total number of lifetime menstrual cycles, which may be the reason for this effect."

I pulled out photos of my nieces and nephew on my iPhone. Then I watched video I took of them playing and telling me how much they love me... and I then used that phone to call and make an appointment for my first mammogram. It’s Wednesday of this week.

There’s no better way to show your nieces and nephews you love them than to love yourself.

If your doctor has recommended you get a mammogram, don’t put it off any longer. Your nieces and nephews are counting on you. And now I am too. Join me.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

October 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'll keep it short and sweet this week.... It's October and we're nearing the end of 2011. Have you done everything you planned for your nieces and nephews this year? Did you spend more time with them when possible? Did you call, email or text them as much as you hoped you would? Did you teach them some valuable lessons? Did you take the time to stop and simply enjoy the moments?

This is life. This is the time. Take it. Enjoy it. And remember what a gift it is....

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

With the recent New York Magazine cover story making hoopla out of the growing age of first time moms, a recent study out of the department of human genetics at the University of Nijmegen in the Netherlands, shows that men get too old to have kids sans-risk to their offspring too.

The study, published earlier this week by the Journal of Medical Genetics, reports that men who father children 'late in life' are more likely to pass on gene mutations that cause intellectual disabilities in their children than younger dads do. Children with lower IQs, as well as congenital abnormalities, were found to have "copy number variations" in genes that were handed down by their fathers.

Jayne Hehir-Kwa, author of the study, goes on to report that fathers are more likely than mothers over all to be responsible for gene aberrations.  In an interview with WomensHealth.gov, Hehir-Kwa said: "While it is commonly known that the risk of birth defects such as Down Syndrome increases with maternal age, this study shows that an increased paternal age is also an important factor."

It's important to note that it's not just about age when it comes to fertility health for men and women. The Reproductive Science Center of New England states that men are responsible for 40 percent of all fertility problems among American couples. Women are responsible for another 40 percent, and 20 percent are for reasons unknown.

So why are women the ones to bear all the age and fertility issues on their ovaries' shoulders? Why is all the pressure (read: judgment) on women for reproductive health and timeliness?  Why is the late Tony Randall a king for having children in his late seventies, while women in their forties are often judged irresponsible?

Eight years ago almost to the day, I was heading into synagogue for the Yom Kippur Kol Nidre service, one of the most holiest times of the year for Jews. I noticed an acquaintance, a single guy a couple years older than my 34 years, approach me. As expected, we exchanged Jewish New Year wishes and the unspoken 'I-hope-you-find-love-this-year' glances. Then he said the following which jolted me out of my spiritual consciousness: "I wanted to set you up with this great guy, but you're too old." And with that, he smiled the haughty "I'm-going-to-find-a girl-in-her-twenties-to-marry" smile (which he did at age 40), turned on his heels, and left me standing there. On the Day of Judgment.

No child should suffer intellectual or physical abnormalities linked to his or her parents' DNA. No couple or individual should suffer from infertility if having children is their goal. And no woman should suffer the arrogance of men who feel that they have all the time in the world to have children risk-free - or the judgment of anyone, man or woman, for when she is (finally) able to have children. It seems more than ever, it truly takes two to tango. For better or for worse.

September 27, 2011

UPDATED DEAL!

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It’s true. I’m Smitten!

Smitten by Savvy Auntie is the new weekly deals program curated with love by me, Melanie Notkin, exclusively  for the Savvy Auntourage! 

It’s true, there are a number of daily and weekly deals programs out there – but none are designed specifically for Savvy Aunties! I curate the deals that suit your Savvy Auntie lifestyle, best. Whether it’s great deals on gifts for your nieces and nephews, or a fabulous find just for you, I’ve got you in mind. And I only share deals with which I am truly Smitten.


The Smitten by Savvy Auntie weekly deals will be posted on SavvyAuntie.com weekly, as well as on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie and on Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie. Soon, we’ll have a way for your to sign up for a weekly email to get Smitten right in your in box!

To find this week’s Smitten by Savvy Auntie deal, click here! Or bookmark this page and check back weekly for your chance to be Smitten too!  http://bit.ly/SmittenAuntie

I sat in the theater biting my tongue. In the newly released film, "I Don't Know How She Does It" about the challenges of a working mother, Sarah Jessica Parker's character Kate Reddy describes her female, child-phobic junior associate, Momo , as a "robot" and went on (and on) to point out how 'cold,'  yet dedicated and hardworking she is, throughout the movie.

Why is it that the modern mom can love children and her career but the childless woman can only love her career? Is this modern feminism or a new modern myth? And are cliché characters like Momo--played by actor Olivia Munn -- reflective of a common antagonism overburdened moms have for those without children? In America today, has feminism morphed into mommyism? More importantly, are we all losing something because of it?

I became an aunt a decade ago, and from the moment I heard that my sister-in-law was expecting, I experienced the deepest, unconditional love for a child-not-my-own.  Now, as Auntie Melanie to many more, there is nothing I would not do for my nephew and nieces. While not a mother myself due to circumstance - not choice -  I have, and have always had, strong maternal instincts for children.  And as the founder of SavvyAuntie.com, the community designed for the nearly 50 percent of American women who are not mothers but love the children in their lives, by relation and by choice through friendship, I see evidence of thoughtful and selfless dedication to others' children every single day.  Some in the tribe, what I've dubbed the "Savvy Auntourage," even go as far as to take over as "ParAunt" when the mother is deemed incapable - seems not every mother is maternal.

That's why instead of labeling women without kids as "childless," I prefer to say we're "childfull" because we choose to love the children in our lives.

Yet, even in our modern, politically correct society, the auntie--when she is a woman without children of her own,  is often made to seem cold, selfish, pathetic, or "less than" and often called a "career woman." Or, she's depicted as a high-flying, eccentric "Bon VivAunt" with little care for anyone or anything of true value.  How can this woman, when everything she does for a child-not-her-own is a generous gift, ever be called selfish? How can this woman, who is every other woman in the United States, be an oddball?

Helen Gurley Brown asked similar questions about the single girl 50 years ago with her revolutionary 1962 book Sex and the Single Girl. "Nobody was championing [single women]," Brown said in a 1967 interview. "Volumes had been written about this creature, but they all treated the single girl like a scarlet-fever victim, a misfit, and . . .  you can't really categorize one-third of the female population [a figure that's only grown since then] as misfits."

Like Ms. Gurley Brown, I set out to start a movement with Savvy Auntie. After all, we're talking about a pretty influential segment of women, culturally, politically and financially. Single, married, gay or straight, and childless by choice, by circumstance, by biology, by stage of life, we are the other half of American women. I dubbed this segment "PANK®: Professional Aunt No Kids."

As I mention in my book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (William Morrow), there is something purely magical about the relationship between an aunt and the children in her life. But it's more than just that universal visceral feeling children get from being around Auntie, and it's certainly more important than the cool gifts we often shower on them. The magic we sprinkle on children is the exact kind that is critical to the children's cognitive, social and emotional development - and their future academic success. Seemingly non-magical moments like reading to a niece, building a castle of blocks with a nephew, or even simply paying attention to a child, is extraordinarily impactful. As Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, VP Research and Education, Sesame Workshop, explained to me: "Auntie time IS quality time." Time not dedicated to chores, homework and quotidian things like eating and brushing teeth - things parents are obligated to ensure happens -- but rather the joy of uninterrupted play, is what is so crucial here.  I've since dubbed this time 'QualAuntie Time.'

It's not just time with the children that make Auntie's role important. The PANK makes sacrifices, contributing to the family village indirectly by working later, on the weekend or on holidays (as depicted in the movie) so a co-worker mom can spend more time with her children. She may contribute part of her discretionary income toward a niece's or nephew's education, extra-curricular activities, even their first trip aboard.  And while this woman may be highly valued within her immediate family and circle of friends, in the greater, national conversation about family, she is woefully underrepresented and underappreciated. And sadly, she is often mythologized into a stumbling, child-phobic "robot" that lacks any emotion or maternal instinct until the very moment she becomes a mother herself.

To draw a line between those with children and those without isn't constructive and certainly doesn't help the children.

Here's the truth about aunthood. Unlike parenting, there is no legal obligation to "aunt." Aunthood is a gift. It's a gift to the children who never suffer from too much love. It's a gift to today's overburdened parents who can always use more hands and hearts when it comes to their kids. And it's a gift to us because it is one of the wonderful things that fills our lives with joy, love and purpose.

We do love the children in our lives. And in one way or another, we all contribute to a mom's ability to do it all. Now isn't that an idea we can all warm up to?

September 5, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I admit I’m guilty of looking in the mirror and feeling grateful that there is not a wrinkle on my 42 year old filler-free face. I am even more thankful for a cluster of monthly zits, a possible sign that some of my more youthful hormones are still functioning. In the full-length mirror, I am proud of my svelte, toned body with a BMI of a healthy 30 year old. And I cherish the wide-eyed response when I openly reveal my age to anyone who cares.

I refuse to pack away hope of a still-fertile-self with my miniskirts and graphic Ts. While I surely know that I may not fall in love in time to conceive a child – (Assuming the man I love wants a child. Assuming the man I love can have children himself) – I will not give up hope.  And yes, I will look for signs that it’s still possible for me to have a baby by the only evidence I can see – a youthful reflection. (By the way, the younger me who wore miniskirts and graphic Ts was too young to learn about freezing her eggs and too close to her mom’s generation to believe that would ever be necessary anyway.)

I have everything else I could ever want. I’m building the company of my dreams. I have some of the most fantastic people in New York City in my circle of friends. I’ve crossed a few things off my bucket list (best-selling author, for example) and I am madly in love with my nephew and nieces. Aside from not getting married and having children, I am happy that I am living life to my fullest potential within my control.

“We warned you!”

But I live in a world of Schadenfreud, in all places, New York City, where women over 40 are as often single and childless as they are powerful, beautiful, and fit. This 40-something city-dweller, the woman who to others has everything (minus the husband (or wife) and baby), is picked on, curiously, by none other than the newspaper she loyally wakes up to every morning.

“Are You as Fertile as You Look?” sears the headline in last week’s The New York Times Thursday Styles section, one of several articles that paper and others have published in recent years on the growing group of women over 40 still hopeful they can have children – seemingly because fertility and infertility are fashionable topics these days – although I bet a story on male infertility would be found in Tuesday Health.  The story describes childless and child-hopeful 40 plus year old women who believe that their youthful appearance might be a reflection of their inner fertility goddess, making it easier to conceive at this later age once they’ve finally found the man they want to marry.  In a condescending manner, the piece (and many of the comments attributed to it) laughs at the subjects with gleeful “Schadenforty:” Their eggs are cooked; their wombs are vacant; their bet is lost; they waited too long.  The underlying truth is that some of those who succeed at love and children enjoy wagging a “we warned you” finger at the 40-something woman’s career, ability to pay for her home, clothing and occasional spa day, and her healthy-looking demeanor to say: “Who does she think she is? She’s naïve to think she’ll be able to have what we do.”

Like one of the experts the article cites in reference to “42 ½” year old Jennifer Aniston and her optimistic quotes alluding to having a baby one day, The New York Times wants to “reach over the table and throttle [us]” simply for being optimistic. By the way, I think Jennifer Aniston did her share of feeling throttled when the potential father of her children left her to have children with another woman. And was the “1/2” added to her 42 years an extra little ‘zets’ for thinking she could actually conceive with every passing month?

Between naiveté and pessimism

So why the kick when we’re down on luck and love? Let’s put aside that a healthy lifestyle can at the very least help, not hinder, the fertility of a woman in her later thirties and forties. And certainly keeping herself attractive can help her find a man with whom to try to get pregnant.  Plus a childless woman at 40 may have the earning potential to have saved enough money to afford IVF or other procedures to help preserve or extend her fertility. She’s prepped and ready to go when the light on love turns green.

The mind is a very powerful thing and so perhaps the most essential tool for preserving her fertility is found somewhere between the naiveté New York media would admonish her for, and complete cynical pessimism the same media would have her believe.  That happy medium is optimism and it’s what keeps us sane, hopeful and happy. While not a cure for infertility at any age, it’s a welcome ingredient when we’re finally able to get cooking. The hopeful optimism that one day an equally optimistic OBGYN will place a newborn infant on our chest, and welcome our legacy into the world with a high five for not letting anyone convince us it was impossible, is what we really see in the mirror.

The collective vitriol against women in their later years of fertility for their hope in being able to conceive is what’s getting old, while our happy optimism is keeping us 40-somethings young – and dare I say, wrinkle-free.

August 22, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I can remember my first day of kindergarten. There were lots of kids I didn’t know, a teacher who seemed pretty and nice, and a peanut butter sandwich with the crusts cut off waiting for me in my new red lunch box, care of mom.  Within days, I had come to enjoy the rhythm of the morning, often ending with story time seated in a circle with my new friends. Miss Scarf read aloud and in one memorable moment, came to a word I’d never heard before. “Do you know what a design is?” she asked the kids. Thankfully, I wasn’t alone in being stumped. Nor was I alone in realizing that there were a whole lot of words out there I didn’t know, and I couldn’t wait for the day when I would know all the words in the whole wide world (I estimated that would be at third grade.)

Inspired by that moment in kindergarten, I’m not unabashed about teaching my nieces and nephew new words as often as possible. Some of the words the preschoolers have learned this year are: haberdashery, despondent and entrepreneur. We also count together whenever possible, from how many crayons are spread around the table, to how many bumble bees are flying on the page of the storybook.

“Aunts are not teachers,” Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, Vice President, Research and Education at Sesame Workshop was quick to point out when I met with her last year while doing research for my book, eager to learn how aunts can help teach a child. “An aunt is all about quality time… play time.” (I’ve since dubbed this “QualAuntie Time.”)

She explained to me that the time an aunt spends with a niece or nephew is uninterrupted by parental obligations. Childless aunts have a wonderful opportunity to teach kids as we play that really helps them prepare for school and life. “We think most of the learning is done in school,” Rosemarie said over lunch earlier this summer, “But really, kids are learning all year round and it’s up to the grownups in a child’s life to increase their development skills outside of school, and before school even starts.

I liken it to sun damage. We all think that the sun will do its worst damage as we lay at the beach, so we sloth on the SPF. And while it’s true that the sun is intense at the beach, there is more long term sun damage occurring from every day sun exposure. Learning is similar. Yes there is intense learning at school, but it’s through every day life that children really pick up cognitive, social and emotional development skills that support future academic successes.

Zero to Three, a nonprofit organization that fosters early childhood education, recommends an hour of unstructured play for babies and toddlers daily. We all know that reading to a child can help develop their language skills. Try to add descriptive terms to the pictures on the page, like: “This is a big, yellow sun.” Or let toddlers tell their own story through a little puppet show. Turn on the music to watch them wiggle, helping them develop coordination, balance, and rhythm.  Even bath time can help them understand cause and effect by seeing what sinks and what floats.

Our nieces and nephews may be going back to school but don’t underestimate your influence to teach them powerful skills. And the best part? They’ll never even detect it’s all by design.

Learn more about QualAuntie Time in my book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin, Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

Dinner started off simple enough, three friends in their mid-thirties catching up on each other's lives. One was a married mom of two kids. One was a newly married woman, pregnant with her first. And one was a single woman about to lose another unfertilized egg hours later. I was the latter.

The conversation turned to maternity, the two who had the common experience of pregnancy shared stories about the challenges of a burgeoning bump. Then they went through the list of mutual friends expecting a first, second, or third. And finally they talked about one of the friend's younger sisters, recently married and having trouble conceiving. Understandably, the conversation got solemn, and I got quiet, as they shared thoughts on the grieving of the young couple. The topic went on past the appetizers well into half a bowl of pasta...and I lost it.

"Stop talking about babies!" I shouted in a very uncharacteristic way. A passing waiter stumbled with his tray and my friends awkwardly changed the subject, but not before looking at me like I was inappropriate.

Later that night, the mom of two called me out on my outburst. "I've never heard you like that," she softly scolded. "I'm sorry," I said, "but I just couldn't take it anymore. We had been talking about motherhood and pregnancy and infertility the entire time out. Don't you know I want to be a mother too? It's like my inability to have a child is invisible to you."

"It's different for you," she immediately responded. "You're not even married!" "Exactly," I replied. "I'm thirty-six years old and not even married. I am years behind your younger sister who at least gets to try to have children. I get to try to go on a date." And then, as if on dramatic cue, I went to the ladies room to dry my inner tears and noticed I had lost that egg.

Last month I published an article on Huffington Post called The Truth About Childless Women and it hit a nerve. It went viral, shared over eleven thousand times on Facebook alone. In it I talked about the grief of childless women who suffer from what I call "circumstantial infertility," the inability to have children because one doesn't have a partner with whom to conceive. Of women ages 40-44, for example, 19 percent are childless - almost one in five American women in that age bracket. Pew Research reports that among that group, about half have chosen not to be mothers. The other half suffer from infertility, and not all biological.

"How DARE you?" opined the commenter on the "Truth" post. The twenty-something told me that the grief of a married biologically infertile couple was deeper than mine and I was wrong to compare the grief or to call it 'infertility.' They suffered, the commenter inferred, from real infertility. Well commenters are allowed their opinions but when I noticed it was written by a young man, I was taken aback. There is no doubt that men suffer the grief of infertility, too. I do sympathize. And while there are many women who are childfree by choice, a very valid choice, many women have a biological urge to conceive a child and to be pregnant. It's how we are built. And every month, there's a physical reminder that we have failed to be who we believed we were born to be - mothers. (There is little coincidence to the fact that with menstruation, there is physical pain and blood, often associated with death.)

Stephanie Baffone, LPCMH, NCC, grief counselor and married woman who suffers from biological infertility, writes in an article on SavvyAuntie.com that what women like me go through is called 'disenfranchised grief' or a grief that isn't recognized by society with legitimacy. For women like me, we not only grieve the loss of motherhood, but we also grieve the loss of the dream, the dream of finding love and marriage resulting in that beautiful baby carriage. And not only do we grieve childlessness alone, with no partner to console us or share the grief, but society as a whole won't let us grieve, as if we've brought it on ourselves by being unwilling to settle in love. As Baffone articulates so beautifully in her article, "has compassion for victims of infertility become the proverbial carrot on a stick, reserved exclusively for those considered by the masses to have legitimately, 'tried hard enough?'"

I awoke to an email a couple of days after "The Truth" had been circulating from a woman I do not know (who does not know me) who chided me for not adopting. "If you were really maternal, you would adopt a kid," she scolded. Followed by "If you want to remain the "auntie', the godmother, etc... then you're not really mother-material."

I honor single mothers and want-to-be-mothers who have invested time and money in adopting or conceiving a child alone. I am comfortable in my choice to not be a single mother, or even try to be a single mother. The grief I've seen and heard of women who tried to conceive through IVF and couldn't or the ones who adopted only to have the biological father take the child back, well frankly those are not losses I want to grieve alone. And those are just a couple of reasons. What one can trust is that I've considered the options. For me, finding love is my only honest choice.

Thankfully, my friend's sister and brother-in-law went on to have beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. My friend went on to have her third. And six years later, I'm still looking for love.

I write this on the eve of what would have been my own mother's 75th birthday. Upon returning to college after the Shiva period some 22 years ago, a classmate expressed his sympathy having known my mother since childhood. "The semester is almost over," he said. "Why don't you just take the rest of it off to grieve?" Without flinching I replied, "My mother died, I didn't."

I move on; I celebrate my maternal instincts with my nephew and nieces and all the children who come my way. I allow myself now and again the time to grieve. But then life, the life my mother gave me, goes on.

“I know a lot of women like you,” said my date, admitting he was trying to figure out why a ‘great girl’ like me was still single. “They are also single, no kids. But you know, they’re career women like you are.” Then, in a way to make himself sound less judgmental, he added: “My best friend is a career woman.”

“Why are we ‘career women’ but you’re just a guy who hasn’t been lucky in love?” I replied.

“I don’t know... You know what I mean. You work. You have other priorities.” he said losing his macho grip on the conversation.

“I don’t think I know what you mean.” I said. “Having a job is not a choice for women who are single, and it’s often not a choice for married or coupled women either. In fact, it’s not even a choice for many mothers these days.” Fifty-five percent of moms are working moms.

When a man over age 35 is single, no kids, he’s called a bachelor. When a woman is over age 35, single, no kids, she’s called a ‘career woman.’ The implication is that she’s chosen career over having a family life. I personally do not know one woman who made that choice. And I live in New York City where that choice is welcome by companies eager to squeeze every last working hour out of its executives. Instead, I’ve seen women leave lucrative jobs in industries like banking for occupations in industries like education that give them more flexibility to date and potentially have a family.

Now it’s true that some women do prefer to focus their energy on their career. And there are many women who are childfree by choice. And it’s also true that many women today get married later than their mothers did – only 26 percent of women ages 20-29 were married in 2008, compared with 68 percent in 1960. But they are marrying men of relative age, so presumably the men are just as career-oriented as the women are.

But that doesn’t stop people from labeling single women with no kids as having prioritized career over family, pointing a finger of blame with a less obvious derogatory label than ‘spinster.’

By saying ‘career woman’ there’s an implication of heartlessness and apathy for family life.

Women work, just like men do, to pay the rent et al. Do they try to choose career paths that they enjoy the most? Yes. Do they work as hard and as many long hours as men do in same or similar occupations? Yes. Do they do their utmost to excel at their jobs? Yes.  Are we implying that women should not have a career that exercises their potential? I hope not.

“I’m not a ‘career woman,” I corrected my date. “I’m looking for love.”

He wasn't it.

When NBC's Parks and Recreation star Amy Poehler accepted her Time 100 award last spring, she said: "I would like to take a moment to thank those people...  who love your children as much as you do, and who inspire them and influence them and on behalf of every sister and mother and person who stands in your kitchen and helps you love your child, I say thank you and I celebrate you tonight."  It was the first time I had heard a public figure mom honor, acknowledge and celebrate the aunts (among others) in her children's lives.  Hopefully, it's not the last.

When I launched Savvy Auntie, my first mission was to change the way we look at aunts in America today. Often imagined as a relic of a couple of generations past, along with a dozen cats, 'aunt' was more like an old "Auntique" than a modern, cosmopolitan woman. That's not to say I didn't love and honor our Great-Great-Aunts, but where were today's cool, contemporary aunt figures?  As I explored this modern segment of American women who are not (yet) moms (The U.S. Census reports that number at 46 percent of women through age 44), I realized there are all types of aunts:

Aunties by Relation; Aunties by Choice; Great-Aunties; Godmothers; Cousin Aunties; Long-Distance Aunties; StepAunties; Single Aunties; Married Aunties; ParAunts (aunts who become the parent when one or both parents is no longer able); Straight Aunts, LesbiAunts; Teen Aunties; Child Aunties; Special-Needs Aunties; Teacher or Coach Aunties; Nanny Aunties; Fairy GodAunties; and Aunties to the World -- the BenevolAunts who give so much to children they've never met. And there are also the Bon VivAunts, the GourmAunts, the BohemiAunts, the ConfidAunts, the Aunt-Rageous Rocker Aunties, the Crafty Aunties, and the eco-loving Auntie Earth among others. What a diverse group of positive influences for America's children!

Unfortunately, our contributions to the American Family Village often go unnoticed and under-appreciated. My second mission was to change that.

QualAuntie Time

Unlike parenting, there is no legal obligation to 'aunt.'  The time we spend with our nieces and nephews is most often always quality time, unencumbered by parental duties like making sure the kids have brushed their teeth, made their beds, done their homework (not to say aunts don't help with that too when they can). I've dubbed this time "QualAuntie Time."

When I asked Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, VP Education and Research, Sesame Workshop, how an Auntie can help develop the minds of our young nieces and nephews, she simply replied: "You're already doing it." By playing with our nieces and nephews, reading to them, even just chatting with them before they can even talk, we are helping them learn, she said. Just by being Auntie, we're helping!

Baking cookies with a niece? That's math and science. Constructing railroad tracks with a nephew? That's helping develop his motor dexterity and his understanding of spatial relations. To that end, Zero to Three, a nonprofit organization that fosters early childhood education, recommends an hour of unstructured play for a young child each day (e.g. tea parties, role-playing, puppet shows). All that pretending actually helps lay the groundwork for developing literacy down the line. And when mom has a newborn to care for, QualAuntie Time with the older sibling(s) is very important since mom may not have an hour to devote to uninterrupted play with her other kids.

If mom or dad is unable to take the all the kids outside (too hot or cold for baby, sick, or busy with homework or chores) Auntie can take the others out to play. Kids need more time outside because it helps reduce stress (yes, even little kids have stress), and being in nature -- even the backyard -- helps keep their minds focused (studies show kids with ADHD are more likely to do better in green settings than industrial ones.)

Even on a rainy day, for kids over the age of two, QualAuntie Time spent co-viewing children's television or a video, sharing lessons learned during and after the show, is more productive than mom leaving the child in front of the TV to go about her necessary household duties. But if watching a lot of TV or video can actually infringe on their vocabulary, reading to babies and toddlers can increase it. Aunties who read a favorite book to their niece or nephew (over and over again) are helping the child learn new words. Pointing out the pictures on the pages helps develop a baby's understanding of shapes, colors, counting, and emotions.

Aunthood is a Gift

Aunts by relation or choice give of their discretionary income and time to children-not-their-own in their immediate lives, in their communities and around the world every single day. Every boo boo they kiss, every little hand they hold, every hug they give is a gift. And as far as the other kinds of gifts -- the kind tied up with a bow -- are concerned, an Auntie will often stretch her budget to put a smile on the face of a niece or nephew on birthdays or the holidays. She's also more likely to jump on a plane for Thanksgiving than expect a family of four to travel to her.

Aunts not only give directly. When a co-worker mom leaves work early to tend to a sick child, or when that big assignment is due and working late or over the weekend is necessary, a childless woman is (often expected to be) the one to pick up the extra work so moms can have family time. While indirect, aunts deserve to be appreciated for their contributions to the American Family Village in this way too.

These are just some of the ways aunts give of themselves selflessly.

Sunday, July 24th, 2011 marks the third annual Auntie's Day™.  Like the tradition of Mother's Day, Father's Day and Grandparent's Day, it's a day to honor and celebrate the women in the American Family Village who love and give to children not-their-own.  On Sunday, give the Auntie in your child's life a call, send her a card, or acknowledge her in whatever way you can to say thank you.

Aunthood is a gift. This day is theirs. And they deserve it.

July 11, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Nearly 46 percent of American women through age 44 are childless. That’s up from 35 percent in 1976.

All reasons this generation of women are not bearing children at the same rate their mothers did are valid. Some young women and just not at a point in their lives where motherhood is choice they’d like to make. Some are ‘fence-sitters,’ not sure about whether or not they want children. Some are childfree by choice. Some are gay and need to take a potentially longer and less traditional route to motherhood. Some are suffering from biological infertility. And some, like me, are what I call “circumstantially infertile.”

I want children. I always have. At age 12 I purchased baby name books in preparation for the son and twin daughters I dreamed to be a mother to one day. I was a nanny, camp counselor and frequent babysitter. I would make up songs to sing to the kids I babysat that would become ‘our thing’ or visit the kids even when I wasn’t officially working for their parents. By age 21, I was hosting teen tour girls in my home. Motherhood was always a path I felt ready for.

At age 23, when interviewing for my first job in New York City, I inquired about maternity benefits to make sure it was the right place for me. I focused my career in the non-profit sector, hoping it would give me more flexibility in dating, marriage and motherhood. I dated men with traditional family values, men who have since gone on be fruitful and multiply.

By my mid-thirties, now in my third job working for some of the best companies in the world to make enough money to live in New York City, I was still unmarried. I wasn’t a mother. My work hours were longer, some days were spent overseas, and I was beginning to suffer the prejudice of being an ‘older’ woman. At 34, I was approached by a male who friend who said he wanted to set me up with a friend our age but I was just ‘too old.’  At 35, a man said he would date me if I agreed to freeze my eggs.  At age 36, another man told me he’d (reluctantly) date me since I could probably still ‘pop one out.’ Now we all know these are exceptional instances but they were nevertheless embedded in my psyche.

The grief over not only not being a mother, but now also suffering from feeling ‘less than’ because I just simply hadn’t found love (or mutual love), was at times overwhelming. And as I saw couples younger than I getting sympathy for their biological infertility, I wondered why all I got was accusations of not doing enough, not trying hard enough. Trying too hard. Being too picky.  Not being picky enough… And the hardest comment to defend: “You better hurry up!” (Hurry up and fall in love?)

While I have not suffered from biological infertility (as far as I know), I imagined my grief was at least as deep as couples trying to conceive as I didn’t have a love who shared the grief. Heck, I often didn’t even have a date to get closer to trying!  Every month that passed, I grieved a loss. But I grieved alone. I have no husband (or male partner) to grieve with me. And lamenting my infertility to close friends who are parents or to family was never well-received.

Generation X is the first generation of women who have a choice to wait for love. Unlike many of our mothers, we earn enough to take care of ourselves (please don’t call us ‘career women’ as careers are as much a choice for women as they are for men.) But still, the assumption is still that all women who don’t have children don’t want children.  There is a place between motherhood and choosing not to be a mother. And tens of millions of American women are there.

I’m 42 and still single and I have come to acknowledge the truth: it’s very possible I won’t have children of my own. I’ve grieved and have found my happiness on the other side. There are days that are still hard for me (Mother’s Day, the day a friend announces her pregnancy, when I hear a guy won’t date me because I’m too old to have kids, my birthdays, my monthly reminder…) but most days I’m happy. Very happy.  I’m not in the wrong life being the wrong wife and trying to get out. I have no regrets.

My circumstances have left me infertile but they have not left me non-maternal. I love the children in my life with boundless adoration. If I was not meant to be a mother to 2.1 kids, then perhaps I was meant to be motherly to many more. From a girl in Tanzania I’ve adopted as a niece and email with many times a week, to the little ones down the hall in my apartment building, and of course to my amazing nephew and nieces by relation, I am an aunt.
I’m not childless, I’m childfull. I’m not a mother but I am maternal.

My infertility is circumstantial but my life is not barren. And to the women who are on the other side of hope, know that you are more powerful than your womb. You are maternal whether or not maternity ever comes. You are a woman and your love and how you choose to offer and receive it, is a gift.

And you're not alone.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

July 5, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties!

I'm thrilled to say that SavvyAuntie.com turns three years old on July 9th! I can't believe it was three years ago this week on July 9, 2008 at 1PM EST that SavvyAuntie.com made it's debut as the first (and only) online community for cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids! So much has happened since then including:

-The launch of Auntie's Day (July 26th, 2009)
-The launch of the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards (Holiday 2009)
-The release of the Savvy Auntie Book (April 26, 2011)

Plus, there are close to 16,000 Twitter followers and over 47,500 Facebook Fans!

And there is so much more to come!

Thank you all for joining the Savvy Auntourage. I'm so thrilled that together we can show our Auntie pride as we all become savvier Aunties!

Happy three year Auntieversary!!!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Savvy Auntie Founder and Author

June 28, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's been an exciting time here at Savvy Auntie HQ! Coming off the heels of the SAVVY AUNTIE book hitting the Wall Street Journal Best-Sellers list, SavvyAuntie.com was recently named a Forbes Top 100 Website for Women. I'm so honored that the first and only website designed for all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids not their own is listed among the nation's best online destinations for women.

Next week, on July 9th, SavvyAuntie.com will celebrate its third anniversary. While it's hard to remember life before the site launched, it's equally difficult to imagine my life without it. But of course, I do not do this alone. There are many amazing people behind the success of SavvyAuntie.com - and truly what make it successful. Let me take a moment to thank some of these people here:

To all the SAVVY EXPERTS who contribute their time, talent and of course Savvy Expertise on a regular basis, thank you. Your contributions are invaluable. SavvyAuntie.com is the only place where Savvy Aunties can find articles written just for them. I can't thank you enough:

Alisa Vitti, FloLiving.com
Amanda Goodwin
Amy Shigo
Andrea Donsky, NaturallySavvy.com
Becky Wenner
Beth Rosenberg
Bonnie Sayers
Dana Rosenbloom
Darlynn Morgan
Dawn Lerman
Doree Lewak
Janice Simon
Jeannine Mercurio
Jeff Cutler
Jeff Stier
JL Knopp
Julie Negrin
Karen Gallagher
Leigh Vinocur
Lisa Kothari
Margaret Bristol
Marlene Wallach
Melanie Linn Gutowski
Melina Gerosa Bellows, National Geographic Kids
Natalie Robinson Garfield
Rhonda Davis
Sarah Toscano
Scott Henderson
Stacie Krajchir
Stacy Francis
Stephanie Baffone
Stephanie Lichten
Wendy Garfield
Yolanda "Shoshi" Shoshana

And to all the guest experts and psst experts along the way - thank you!

To my associate editors, past (Margaret Bristol, Melanie Linn Gutowski) and present (Stephanie Kim) thank you for keeping the site fresh and new - and for looking out for that breaking "Auntie News" to share with our audience.

To David Finklestein, CEO of Quarksoft LLC for keeping the site up and running like clock-work.

And most of all - thanks to you - the Savvy Auntie Community - the Auntourage - for visiting, sharing and connecting with Savvy Auntie. You are the reason we all work so hard - and you deserve a web destination of excellence.

Here's to many more years celebrating Aunthood together.... celebrating you!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com and Author, SAVVY AUNTIE

Don't forget!  The Third Annual Auntie's Day less than a month away! Sunday, July 24th!

June 19, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I tell parents about Savvy Auntie, they often say: "Oh aunts, you have it best. You play with the kids, then you can leave!"

And sometimes, even I admit, someone who always wanted children of her own, that being able to wake up with the sun on a Sunday morning is a wonderful thing. But most of the time, that type of rhetoric bothers me because often aunts are so much more than playmates. We love those kids,  help them take some of their first steps, listen to their hurt feelings, fill their hearts with joy...

Generally, it's true, we don't have to worry about the big stuff, like paying for school or piano lessons or braces (although sometimes we do). But we're not fly-by-night people in their lives either. Our nieces and nephews know that they can count on us if and when mom and dad aren't around... or can no longer take care of them.

So hold your head up high, Auntie, when someone says that you're just there to help the kids make mess and then leave. Tell parents that you may come and go, but your devotion to the children never leaves. Look the parents straight in the eyes and say: "The kids mean more to me than I can explain and while they are not my children, I couldn't love them any more if I tried."

You're so much more than what anyone bargained for. And that, my dear Auntie, is your gift.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author Savvy Auntie

June 13, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last night, as I was going to bed, I Tweeted this:

Remember... There are no setbacks in life... Everything is moving forward... Just not in the direction you may have expected. Keep going!!

I had seen a friend earlier that night who was recently divorced, mentioning some of the resentments he had towards his ex. And a few days before, an estranged relative was sharing his grief over something that happened decades ago...

We all do it. We all think about things that may have happened at work or our personal lives and repeat them over and over again in our minds as if we can change them. Or worse, we do change them in our minds, re-orchestrating what may have been but never truly happened as we hoped. We dwell in the past. And as resentful as we are of the past, we seem to want to soak in it...

Yesterday, I acknowledged it had been exactly four years since I had the idea to start the Savvy Auntie business. The name hadn't been finalized, nor all the plans, but I woke up that morning determined to be an 'auntrepreneur.'

The few years proceeding that decision I was resentful of not having found love and silently grieving over not yet having children. While I didn't blame anyone, I found myself 'stuck,' as I told my father back then, unable to move forward. And his response was quite simply: "Get unstuck!"

And so I did. I followed my dream to start my own company and reversed my feelings of unhappiness by finding a way to re-write happiness for myself. And now, I couldn't be happier.

My advice to you, should you be reading this and resentful in any way that life didn't turn out the way you wish it had.... that you grab today by the horns and move forward. It's hard to come out of the familiar warm waters of resentment, but when you do, you realized the world out there is so much more promising.

Find your own happiness and keep moving forward.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

July 24th is the third annual Auntie's DayTM!

June 1, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm thrilled to announce that the third annual Auntie's Day will take place on Sunday, July 24th! It's a day for you to be honored and celebrated for all that you do for the children in your life!

May 23, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've always said that my recently published book, SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) is more than a book, it's a movement. The book represents and celebrates the nearly 50 percent of American women who are not moms but who love a child in their life.

For that reason, I wanted the book to hit the bestsellers lists. It would mean the book had credibility not only as a book, but as a book that many have gravitated to en masse. It meant there was power behind this movement.

But getting on the coveted lists is difficult, especially if you're not a celebrity or someone of note. It's also frankly a challenge if you're not a diet book or cookbook or business book. And if you don't have a national television appearance (My Early Show appearance was bumped and the show format changed and it may not happen, unfortunately) and massive marketing dollars behind you, it's even harder.

So while I didn't give up (I never give up!), I let it go. I saw the immense support from all of you and those on Facebook and Twitter, and knew that the momentum had begun.

So this weekend, when I received an email from Laurie Chittenden, my editor at William Morrow, with the words "National Bestseller" in the subject line, I nearly spit out my morning coffee!

SAVVY AUNTIE made The Wall Street Journal Bestsellers List!  Here's what it looks like! (Check out #9!)



And so there you have it. SAVVY AUNTIE is now a national bestseller. And I owe so much of it to your support. As some folks on Twitter exclaimed over the weekend: "Here's to the Aunties!"

Here's to you!

Thank you!!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

PS Nearly 45,000 Savvy Aunties have joined the Facebook Auntourage! Join us!

Photo on homepage by Philip at BritRock Photography - britrockphoto.com

May 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This past Sunday, Mother's Day, May 8th, a segment aired on NPR featuring me and the Savvy Auntie book. The segment was heard far and wide, boosting tremendous book sales and traffic to the Savvy Auntie online platforms.

As an author and publisher, that's great news. But what really made me feel good were the emails, tweets, comments and posts I saw as a result. Many women who don't have children for a variety of valid reasons thanked me for being their voice on what can sometimes be a difficult day of the year.



In the summer of 2007, when I set out to create the first online destination for all the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all women who love kids, I hoped that it would resonate with others like me - others who wanted to feel connected with women who love their nieces and nephews and want the best for them.

Since I launched this Website almost three years ago, and now released the Savvy Auntie book just two weeks ago, I have never felt more assured that this tribe was needed.

Thank you all for your incredible support. As a result, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) was Amazon.com's #1 Bestseller in Mother's Day Book Gift Ideas on Mother's Day.

Yes.... aunts let their voices be heard on Mother's Day. And I'm so very grateful.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

May 1, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may recall, a DebutAunt is what we call a first time aunt. So when it came time for a party to celebrate the release of my first book: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins), I couldn't think of a more appropriate name to call it than The DebutAunt Ball!

Held at Pranna in New York City, hosted by The Blaq Group, and sponsored by PepsiCo WIN, the event attracted some of New York City's most influential women and men, including Bravo Real Housewives of New York City, Jill Zarin and Sonja Morgan; TLC's What Not To Wear's celebrity hair stylist Ted Gibson and his husband, celebrity colorist Jason Backe; anti-aging guru and bestselling author, Dr. Nicholas Perricone; Oxygen's Bad Girl's Club's Wilmarie; New York's WPIX on-air personality Tamsen Fadal; and Tad Wilson and Jessica Phillips, currently starring on Broadway in Priscilla Queen of the Dessert.


Jill Zarin and Melanie Notkin



Melanie Notkin and Sonja Tremont Morgan


Jason Backe, Melanie Notkin, Ted Gibson


Dr. Nicholas Perricone and Melanie Notkin



Melanie Notkin and Wilmarie



Tamsen Fadal and Melanie Notkin



Tad Wilson and Jessica Phillips


Melanie Notkin and Bonin Bough of PepsiCo

All photos by Ana Schechter / ANAPhoto.net

It was a night of my dreams! I could not think of a more thrilling way to launch my first book. A celebration of aunthood deserved a FAuntastic celebration.

The Savvy Auntie book is getting rave reviews!  Get your copy here.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and author, Savvy Auntie

April 24, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Just two more days until the release of the SAVVY AUNTIE BOOK! Finally a book for YOU, Savvy Auntie!


 

SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids

by Melanie Notkin (Morrow/HarperCollins) will be released on Tuesday, April 26th!

AUNTHOOD IS A GIFT. THIS BOOK IS YOURS.

BROWSE INSIDE THE BOOK!

Buy the book!



IT'S NOT JUST A BOOK. IT'S A MOVEMENT!

Order a copy of Savvy Auntie TODAY so I can personally offer these THREE things in your honor:

1.      I’ll donate $1 to EpicChange.org for every book purchased through April 27, 2011 to help children like 7th grader Leah Albert in Tanzania.  Here’s how Leah helped me land this book deal.

2.      I’ll donate an extra *$100 to an accredited US charity of one Savvy Auntie’s choice. Email me at Book@SavvyAuntie.com to let me know you want to participate in a random drawing. Please write: My Charity in the subject line.

3.     If the Savvy Auntie book lands on The New York Times Bestsellers List (Advice, How-To, Miscellaneous - Hardcover) and/or if the book lands in the Top 10 books on Amazon.com, I will donate an additional $500 to Epicchange.org and an additional $100 to the random drawing in #2 above. ** We want to get the book on the Lists to show that this is more than a book, it's a movement – that the nearly 50 percent of American women who are not moms deserve to be recognized for all that you do for the American Family Village.

**Savvy Auntie is listed on Amazon.com’s Mother’s Day Book Gift Ideas (for all the ‘other’ mothers in a child’s life –the cool aunts, great-aunts, godmothers and all the fabulous kid-friendly women!)**

Get the book now, for yourself or for a Savvy Auntie you know!

April 17, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I have someone very special to thank for helping to bring the Savvy Auntie book to life. There’s a little girl in Tanzania named Leah Albert who I met on Twitter (@leah_albert) back in the fall of 2009. A wonderful organization called Epic Change had started a campaign called Twitter Kids (#TwitterKids) which has been helping Tanzanian kids get connected, and Leah was one of the most active.

It was through my immediate adoration for this sweet little girl that I met my original editor at HarperCollins, Debbie Stier. In a Twitter exchange, we found ourselves bonding over the Tanzanian kids, and Leah specifically. Soon after, Debbie invited me in to have lunch in her office and before I left, we were planning the Savvy Auntie book! (And yes, Leah is mentioned in the acknowledgments!)

A year and a half later, the book is being released. It was a joy and honor to write. Through research and interviews with some of America’s leading authorities, like Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, Vice President of Research and Education at Sesame Workshop and Christiane Northrup, M.D., ob/gyn physician and author of the New York Times bestseller, Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, I am able to bring you a book filled with information and advice I wish I had years ago myself. It’s a true celebration of you, for you.

But Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids isn’t just a book, or the SavvyAuntie.com Website. It’s a movement. It’s a call to America to take another look at the nearly 50 percent of women who are not moms (yet) but who love the children in their lives with amazing devotion. Every boo boo we kiss, every hand we hold, and every hug we give, is a gift. Aunthood is a gift to the children, their parents, and of course, we Aunties ourselves. Every child deserves as much love as they can get and aunts and godmothers are valuable members of the American Family Village giving them that care.

There are also children all over the world who could use more love from the Global Family Village. We have an opportunity to be BenevolAunts to children in one of the world’s poorest countries, children like Leah who are doing their very best to strive in school under difficult circumstances.

You can help.

To support my mission to get the Savvy Auntie book on the New York Times Bestsellers list (Print: Advice, How-To, Miscellaneous), I will personally donate $1 for every book *sold between now and April 27, 2011, to EpicChange.org, the non-profit organization led by Stacey Monk, a Savvy Auntie herself, that supports children in need all over the world, in honor of you, the Savvy Auntourage – and of course, Leah Albert.

It’s not about ego. It’s about empowerment.

If the Savvy Auntie book lands on the New York Times Bestsellers list then influential people will take notice. America will take notice. Aunties will officially be recognized as a valuable part of the fabric of family in America. This is our DebutAunt Ball!

All you have to do is order the traditional print version of the book (e-books are not counted toward the List) on or by April 27th to help the Savvy Auntie book get there. And we’re close. Over 1000 copies have been pre-sold. But we have to sell thousands more! If the Savvy Auntourage supports the book, you’ll help all of us be BenevolAunts to the children who need more love, like Leah Albert.

This is our moment to shine. This is our chance to be heard. This is our chance to show we’re an important part of the family village. The Global Family Village.

Who’s with me?  You can pre-order the book here: http://bit.ly/bJ1Af7

If you’re on Twitter, please help spread the word with this Tweet:   Yes! @SavvyAuntie donates $1 to @EpicChange #TwitterKids for every book sold in honor of @Leah_Albert http://bit.ly/bJ1Af7

April 11, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Yesterday, after showing my nephew and nieces the finished Savvy Auntie book and then some Youtube videos I'm in, one of my little nieces, who is often curious about how I started my own company, asked me a very good question.

"Auntie Melanie, are you famous?"

I was taken aback for a second. It was a smart question to ask. After all, being famous is not something most young children understand. She was putting two-and-two together.

"Not yet," I said awkwardly. "Hopefully some day soon so that I can help all Aunties be as savvy as they can be."

And that, as it often is with children, was that.

So no, I'm not 'famous' in that I don't have a national TV show that airs weekly. I don't appear regularly on talk shows. And I'm not an actor. But maybe amongst the Savvy Auntie tribe, I'm well-known.

And that's why I need your help. I would love the Savvy Auntie book to be a success so that more aunts feel connected to the Auntourage. But I'm not Gwyneth Paltrow or Eva Longoria with a new cookbook out this month. I'm not Jillian Michaels of Biggest Loser fame with a new healthy lifestyle guide. These books will probably get on the bestsellers list in the same category the Savvy Auntie book would be in (Print: Advice, How-To, Miscellaneous) because these women are famous.

I'm just a 'solo-auntrepreneur' doing her best to put a spotlight on a long-neglected group of women - PANKs - Professional Aunts No Kids. Getting on The New York Times Bestsellers List will be much harder for me. But it could mean a tipping point for the Savvy Auntie Movement.

So I appeal to you. Please consider pre-ordering Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) today.  With your support for Savvy Auntie I can get more exposure for aunts and godmothers as it will be easier as a 'New York Times Bestselling author" to get on TV and share the message. It takes a step, then another step, then another step... but you can help me get there. And then I can better help you.

I'm not famous. Yet. But with your help, we can all be soon.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder & Author, Savvy Auntie

April 4, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's just three weeks away from the release of my book (I should say *our* book!) Savvy Auntie:The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins)!



The publisher was kind enough to share a sneak peek of an excerpt from Chapter 2: Welcome to the Auntourage! with Savvy Aunties!  Here it is - just for you!

I hope you like it.

I also hope you'll consider pre-ordering the book now, if you were considering ordering it when it is released. Pre-orders help booksellers gauge how big a book it will be, and the bigger the book, the more they will promote it. It's already the #1 Bestselling in Amazon.com's Parenting & Family category - Coming Soon. That's thrilling! But I need your help to make even bigger!

It's not just a book. It's a movement!

If you do pre-order it, please let me know and I'll send you a signed bookplate!  Send an email to Book@SavvyAuntie.com with BOOKPLATE in the subject line.

Thanks for all your support!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

March 28, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I had good intentions. I had originally written my upcoming book, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) to include a chapter on Special Needs. It featured ways a Savvy Auntie might be the first to notice something atypical in a niece or nephew, as well as ways to help the family - and herself - cope with a diagnoses.

Unfortunately, the chapter was left on the cutting room floor but the experience I had researching the content is still fresh on my mind.  Elaine Hall, better known as Coach E, is the mother of an autistic boy she adopted from Russia. She shares her struggles in discovering her son's autism as well as her work to champion children on the spectrum. She later created The Miracle Project, a theatre arts program for special needs kids which eventually became an Emmy Award winning documentary entitled Autism: The Musical.

Last year, Elaine's book: Now I See the Moon: A Mother, a Son, and the Miracle of Autism (HarperCollins) was released to wide acclaim, and now it's out in paperback.

If you have a niece or nephew on the spectrum, or suspect you might, or even if you don't know any children with autism, pick up Elaine's book. It will help you better understand these children and support their special needs.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie
Author, Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins)

March 18, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In the fall of 2009, I was invited to Sesame Street. Yes I actually am one of the few people who have seen the Sesame Street set. It was a true honor and an extraordinary day.

The team at Sesame Workshop truly support Savvy Auntie and the positive influence aunts can have over their nieces and nephews, especially as they develop as little ones. So naturally when I began to write my book, I asked if I could interview Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, the Vice President of Education and Research at Sesame Workshop to learn best how Savvy Aunties can be teachers for their nieces and nephews.

From the moment I walked into Rosemarie’s office there was a sense of elation. Rosemarie would unlock the secrets of how to help develop the minds of our tender-aged niece and nephews. I thought I hear teaching tips or theories on child education. Instead, I got the most beautiful and inspiring answer I could have dreamed of. Rosemarie said simply, “You’re already doing it.”

Rosemarie was a PANK (Professional Aunt No Kids) until her early forties when she had a child.  Being an aunt was (an still is) central to her life and understood early on that just about every moment an aunt spends with a child-not-her-own *is* quality time because we’re not focused on chores, behavior, homework or other quotidian things that parents are obliged to enforce. Time spent with Auntie is most often focused simply on the child, and usually about play. I’ve dubbed this time “QualAuntie” time and it’s this time, Rosemarie says, when aunts can focus on development. Those railroad tracks you and your nephew are working on? Spatial relations! That bath your giving your little niece as she fills cups with water watching them sink? Science! Those books you are reading to your nieces and nephews? Language development!

Rosemarie gave us the greatest gift – the gift to know just how important our time with our nieces and nephews is.

I asked Rosemarie if she’d consider reviewing and early copy of my book. She was elated to and her personal note to me included many joyful exclamation points!! Here’s what she wrote for those considering my book:

March 9, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Back in October, I hosted a luncheon for Dr. Nicholas Perricone, the skincare and anti-aging guru. One of his guests was former real Housewife of New Jersey, Dina Manzo. Dina and I quickly became friends and I so honor how she has dedicated her time, generosity and heart to very ill children through her fund: Project Ladybug.

Dina is an extraordinary woman who has done and continues to do extraordinary things with her life. My way of honoring Dina and her love for children-not-her-own, is to offer a donation to Project Ladybug for each copy of my upcoming book: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) pre-sold on Tuesday, March 15th. (It's also my birthday!!)

I asked Dina a few questions about her role as a Savvy Auntie to her seventeen nieces and nephews, her goddaughter Audriana Guidice, and the thousands of children she helps through her philanthropic work. Here's our Q&Auntie.

In the meantime, please save the date! If you are considering ordering a copy of my book (and I hope you are!) please consider doing so on Tuesday, March 15th at this link on Amazon.com. I will be donating $1 for **every book pre-ordered on that day! Just email me at book@SavvyAuntie.com so I know you did!

Thanks to Dina for her support and thanks to you, Savvy Aunties. It's not just a book. It's a movement!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

** Up to $1,000
Photo: Ana Schechter

March 2 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

About a year ago, I became friends with Jill Zarin, the star of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York City. Jill and I have friends in common and once we finally met in person, we became instant friends too. At the time, her book Secrets of a Jewish Mother which she coauthored with her mother, Gloria Kamen and her sister, Lisa Wexler, was just coming out. I went to visit the women at Jill and Bobby Zarin's home to inteview them about the book. (Here's the result - an openly candid series of videos).

I had Jill sign my copy of the book for me. I was so touched by what I read: "Dear Melanie, I feel like I know you forever and hope I always will. Love forever, Jill."

And since then, we have been really good friends. Jill has invited me to many events (even some with cameras rolling so you may see me in the background of Real Housewives of NYC this upcoming season!) and I've done my best to share in her milestones, as she has mine.

Jill received a galley copy of my book, Savvy Auntie, and shared this supportive praise:

"Here's a Jewish mother's secret: having aunties around to love our kids and give us the support we need is priceless. Melanie's book honors our sisters and friends and I can't think of anyone more deserving."

And last night, at Jill's book signing at Borders at Time Warner Center in New York City, Jill introduced *me* and praised my book to her fans. Jill really does support Savvy Auntie and I am so appreciative of her influential support.  What a wonderful friend she is.

Jill's family, by the way, is filled with some of the warmest people you'll ever meet. When you are a friend of Jill's, you are instantly part of the family: her husband Bobby, her mother Gloria, her father Saul, her sister Lisa... and I've met her Aunt Cookie who is a delight! I'm completely smitten by the Kamen and Zarin families!

Thank you, Jill. And yes, real friends forever.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

PS:  The paperback version of Secrets of a Jewish Mother is out now! Read it - I promise you'll love the advice and truly, laugh out loud at the stories the women share...

Photo courtesy: Rickie Freeman Teri Jon

February 21, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week I spent a few days at the International Toy Fair here in New York City. It's the third year I've toured the Fair as the founder of Savvy Auntie and I believe it was the most interesting year yet as we head out of the recession.

There are some key trends for 2011 you should be aware of. There were lots of modernly designed balance bikes and scooters for kids on the move stressing a healthier lifestyle for us all. With the unbelievable success of LEGO, Hasbro got in on the building set momentum with Kre-O coming out later this year. Hasbro has the Transformers 3 movie license so the sets emulate your nephews' (and nieces') favorite characters. But that far from leaves LEGO in dust. With many new original themed playsets and the new Ninjago brand - LEGO combined with playing cards and battles as well as new family games, the iconic brand is sure to come out ahead again this year.

Transformers isn't the only movie with toy support. The biggest investment this year is Disney Pixar's Cars 2 out in late spring. LEGO,  Mattel, Hasbro and Spin Master all have a version of Lightening McQueen and friends in some form of play product.

For girls, Figit Friends, an adorable robotic best friend will debut in the fall and of course there will be new Barbie products and a second good year for Monster High Dolls, a big hit in 2010. There was less innovation for girls this year, with Hasbro and Jakks Pacific building on their classic brands like Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony and a partnership with Disney Princess for Jakks. Classic doll makers like Corolle and Madame Alexander also expanded their lines.

There are plenty of rockstars this year, including the Fisher Price Rockstar Mickey and Let's Rock Elmo for Playskool. WowWee's PaperJamz will have a series of new PaperJamz Pro products that will blow your mind... including a Bieber guitar!

I'll be putting together some more information for you throughout the year so that you can make sure you're savvy about the coolest toys of the year. I've got your back, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author, Savvy Auntie

February 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I was invited to see Heart Truth: Red Dress Collection 2011 Fashion Show which reminds women to take action to protect their heart health at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week here in New York City yesterday.

Heart disease is the #1 killer of American women. More than breast cancer. More than lung cancer. In fact, heart disease kills more women that all cancers combined.

I know this. I know this too well. My mother had her first heart attack at age 42. By 52, heart disease won. It's 22 years this month since she's gone.


Linda Gray, Red Dress / Heart Truth Fashion Show / Photo courtesy of The Heart Truth®, www.hearttruth.gov, National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

One of my favorite memories with my mother was watching Dallas each week. It was our thing. I don't think we missed an episode. Last night at the Heart Truth fashion, I met Linda Gray, the actress who played Sue Ellen Ewing, the wife of JR. I told her that story and it made her proud.

I think my mom would have so excited to meet Linda. But it's been a long time since we wondered who shot JR. And it's been a long time since she and I sat on the couch together.

She never met my nephew. She never met my nieces. She never saw me launch Savvy Auntie. She died of heart disease at age 52.

Please take care of your heart.

Please take care of the hearts of your nieces and nephews by taking care of yourself.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

To learn more about Heart Truth, click here.

January 31, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Exactly a year ago, I read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. As this book about Gretchen's year-long journey to add more happiness to her life was climbing The New York Times Bestsellers list (it made it to #1!) , I was inspired to continue my own happiness project with full gusto.

In 2007, the summer I decided to create the Savvy Auntie brand, I was in my late 30's and frankly not where I wanted to be in life. I wasn't married. I wasn't a mom. I wasn't working. I wasn't happy. But then I realized that happiness is a choice and that when I focused my life on all that I am instead of what I am not, I grew happier. And happier. I'm a Savvy Auntie. I'm an Auntrepreneur. And while I may still not be married, I'm in love with my life and my life choices. I didn't choose the wrong man, after all.

So when I closed the final chapter on Gretchen's inspiring book, I was grateful for even more motivation to add actions to create more happiness in my life. And for that I was grateful.

And then by coincidence, a few months later, we were both invited to same luncheon. I brought my book and asked Gretchen to autograph it for me. We got to talking.... Then before I knew it, we were chatting over a late lunch about our books... and gratefully, this bestselling author became my friend.

By focusing on a life that would make me happy.... happiness has come into my life.

I asked Gretchen to read a galley of my book, Savvy Auntie, and she generously agreed. Here is her wonderful review:

"Nothing makes people happier than loving relationships -- and in this marvelous celebration of Savvy Aunties' love for their nieces and nephews, Melanie Notkin shines a much-needed spotlight on a bond that brings so much happiness to so many people."

Gretchen also shared some private enthusiasm for my book which I will keep between us, but suffice it to say, I'm honored that another #1 New York Times Bestselling author should have such high praise for my book.

Gretchen shared her Happiness Project with me, and on April 26, I will share mine with you...

January 24, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Peggy Orenstein, author and journalist, has a new book called Cinderella Ate My Daughter about her concerns with the princess culture for little girls after watching how engaged her own daughter was with it. There are more dolls, pink, and girlie-girl products on the shelves marketed to girls younger and younger girls than ever before, Peggy says after studying the market place. She set out see if this causes the girls any harm.

It may be too early to tell the long term affects of sparkly nail polish at age 4 or a Hello Kitty purse at age 3, but Peggy advises that parents can help swing girls back to the norm... not every little girl will grow up to be a princess (although if we may, Prince Harry IS still single.)

Let's be honest. Aunties are often the first to indulge our little nieces in princessy poofs. We buy them tutus and tulle, their first Barbie and take them to see their first Disney Princess movie. Manicures at age 5? That's us! A $100 doll for Christmas? Sure!

Are we harming our nieces? Is it possible they will truly never grow out of wanting to grow up to be princesses?

Personally, I doubt we're making them believe they will live in a castle any moreso than our nephews believe they will live in a Bat Cave. But perhaps what Peggy is reminding us of is that while it's wonderful to sprinkle magic into our nieces' lives, it's also important to inspire their education and life goals.

Even if they prefer to do their homework on a pink laptop.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder and Author: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids

January 17, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Well we're more than halfway through January and for some of us, those resolutions we made just a few weeks ago seem like the distant past... So this is my little reminder to keep going! Even if you've already cheated on that diet, settled back into the career you aren't happy with, put off getting to those books on your nightstand, it's not too late.

Start again now.  Every day is a chance for a new beginning.

If you need some help, here are tips on "How to Stop Procrastinating and Accomplish Your Resolution" by Savvy Expert Janice Simon.

Need even more inspiration? Your happiness will show and your nieces and nephews will be inspired by your positive influence.

Keep going!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Join the Auntourage on Facebook!

January 10, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's a new year, and there's a new me. Well a new me online.

I re-launched MelanieNotkin.com last week, with a new, fresher look and a Melanie Notkin logo.

This online destination is where I'll be sharing more news about the book (SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids, HarperCollins / William Morrow), and some of the amazing people and places I encounter as Savvy Auntie grows.

I've always tried to keep those interested abreast as to the next steps for this brand and I hope that this new site will do just that.

Happy New Year!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder

PS: If you'd like to get in touch with me, please send me an email to Editor [at] SavvyAuntie.com or Tweet me @SavvyAuntie

January 3, 2011

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Happy New Year!

Recently, the US Census published its biannual "Fertility of American Women" report, this time for 2008. As expected, the trend of those not having a child before age 45 has increased to 45.7 percent (up from 45.1 percent in 2006 and 44.6% in 2004). We've written more about the report here.

So what does this mean for you? Well as fewer women have children and Savvy Aunties continue to connect as a Savvy Auntourage, hopefully our influence in the American Family Village will be more widely acknowledged. I'd also like to see more of us represented as PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids) in the media and increasingly in the national conversation about women and family in America.

Savvy Auntie is a platform for women who contribute to the lives of children in a positive way. And whether you've chosen to be child-free or are involuntarily childless, your influence is great.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie
Author: Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids.

December 27, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

What a year for Savvy Auntie!

Exactly a year ago, I signed a book deal with HarperCollins for the SAVVY AUNTIE book which is coming out this spring. I spent a good part of 2010 writing this ultimate guide for aunts and I cannot wait for you to get your copy - or give it to a favorite Savvy Auntie friend. I'm very proud of it.

(In fact, now through the end of 2010, I am promoting a contest. Pre-order the SAVVY AUNTIE book and then enter to win a $100 gift card!)

We're nearing 30,000 Facebook Fans, which is just incredible. Not only have you joined the conversation there, but you have also done so with active comments and inspiration there!

You were active on SavvyAuntie.com too of course. Here's a list of the Top Ten most read articles, including my interviews with Elizabeth Gilbert, Jill Zarin and The Guncles!

Our sponsors came out in full force, in fact two of the most read articles were sponsored by Hallmark and Children's Classics Collection. I am so proud that marketers value the role aunts play in the American Family Village.

This has been a year unlike any other. I am so happy you were here to share it with me and all the other Savvy Aunties.

Remember, Aunthood is a gift, and this brand is yours.

Here's to an even savvier 2011!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie
Author, SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids

December 20, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Many of you will be celebrating Christmas this week. I hope that your holiday is filled with joy, merriment and love.

I hope your nieces and nephews, godchildren and all children you love think your gifts are the coolest.

I hope you see the children in your life in person, and if not, in spirit.

I hope you are spending the holiday with people you love, doing what you love.

I hope you get the perfect shot of the perfect moments.

I hope your cookies turn out exactly as you want them to.

I hope you are touched by generosity.

I hope you are blessed with health and happiness.

I hope that if you want children of your own, that you are one step closer...

I hope this Christmas is the best Christmas of all.

Happy Holidays, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

December 13, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As Christmas approaches, we have our lists ready (or almost ready!) and are busy wrapping gifts and making travel arrangements. Our goal is to make all the children in our lives, by relation and by choice, happy over the holidays.

Some of us are solo-aunties... the favorite aunt, not just because we're so cool, but because we're the only one. Bu many of us share the spotlight with other amazing women who give so generously of their love, time and Christmas budget.

For these Savvy Aunties, please consider pre-ordering my first book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and all Women Who Love Kids. (HarperCollins/William Morrow) I'll even send her an eCard to let her know!  *Plus, you'll be entered to win a $100 Gift Card.

Of course, there's no harm pre-ordering a copy for yourself while you're at it. Aunthood is a gift, and this book is yours.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder (and author!) Savvy Auntie

PS: Join us on Facebook! 29,000 Savvy Aunties are there, too!

*Offer ends December 31st 11:59PM EST

December 6, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may know, my book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (HarperCollins / William Morrow) will be coming out this spring. It may be too soon for the aunties in your life to receive it for the holidays, but if you pre-order it before the end of the year, I'll send an e-card letting them know it's been pre-ordered PLUS you can enter to win $100 Gift Card!

All the details are here: http://savvyauntie.com/contestform.aspx

Aunthood is a gift. Thank you for you considering SAVVY AUNTIE as yours.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder (and author!) SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Join us on Facebook!

November 29, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Things tend to slow down from now through New Year's Eve. Work is interrupted with holiday parties. Weekends get comfy under warm blankets. And life seems to be focused on enjoying the season, the lights, the food, the entertainment, the joy.

It's also a time for giving. We give to our nieces and nephews, our friends, family and lovers. We give to charity. We give our time. We give our money.

During these final weeks of 2010, remember to give to yourself. Read that book that's been sitting on your night table for months. If you're alone, take yourself out for dinner. Sit at the bar of a restaurant (with that book) and enjoy a glass of wine and the night's most special Special. If you're in love, plan a romantic evening with no distractions.

Call your best friend from college you haven't spoken to in a long time. Buy yourself a gift you've always wanted. Get your hair done just for fun.

Make this month's goal to focus on your own happiness. It's the best gift of all.

One of the best books I read this year is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. It's about Gretchen's real-life journey toward finding happiness by creating happiness goals each month for a year. Little did I know when I read the book that Gretchen and I would become friends later this year. She's an amazing woman and her book truly inspiring. If you're looking for ways to increase your happiness, Gretchen's book will help you take real actions toward that goal.

Remember happiness this December, Auntie. You deserve it.

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

November 22, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am so grateful to all of you for being part of the Savvy Auntie Auntourage. This entire community and the Savvy Auntie brand is a dream I started in the summer of 2007 and launched in the summer of 2008. Through this experience I have learned so much from this community and I am grateful to be able to share our Savvy Expertise so that we can all become savvier aunties.

I also want to thank our sponsors so far this year:

Tropicana
Hallmark
Direct Brands
Little Pim
Bare Necessities
My Publisher
Dollie & Me
Bertolli
Totsy
Madison Square Garden

I'd also like show gratitude to William Morrow / HarperCollins for publishing my book: SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids, early next year!

Happy Thanksgiving, Savvy Aunties! I am so grateful to you!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

PS: Join the conversation on Facebook! Over 27,000 Aunties are there now!

November 15, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Are you a PANK: Professional Aunt No Kids? If you are, you're not alone. About 50% of American women don't have kids although eventually about 80% do eventually have children. Of those, 14% have their first child at age 35 or over. But fully 20% of women age 40-44 don't have kids.

This data is from the 2006 US Census Bureau Report on Fertility which only looks at the fertility rates of women through age 44. We don't have stats on women age 45 and over, although the trend seems to be pointing the direction of women have children later and later, if at all.

I'm 41. I always wanted children. In fact, I wanted twin girls and had names picked out for them when I was about 10 years old. I bought a baby name book when I was 12. Having children and being a mother was always a dream of mine. Unfortunately, I have yet to meet the father of these little dreams. I'm sure he's out there, I just haven't met him yet.

The good news is that waiting for love is a choice I have. And while I grieved the loss of not having kids in my late 30's, I never second guessed myself when it came to waiting for the right man. A recently University of Michigan study says I probably made the right choice. Being with a life partner you love is a stronger indicator of happiness at middle age than having children, the study showed.

Of course there is always the dream of having both love and children. I hope I get there soon. I hope you do too if that's what you want. In the meantime, I have some holiday shopping to do for my nephew and nieces. They fill my life with such joy. I hope to give them back some joy wrapped up in pretty boxes and bows next month.

No regrets. Just waiting for love.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS Join our Facebook Fan Page! There are over 25,000 Savvy Aunties just like you there!

November 8, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I launched SavvyAuntie.com in July 2008, we had a nice little Facebook Group. As time moved on, we migrated to a Fan Page. I noticed that you liked engaging in conversation there and slowly but surely, I saw the number "Fans" increase.

Well we're are now 22,500 Fans strong and growing. Sometimes as many as 100 Savvy Aunties can comment on a post, or just a few in a very significant way. I love that so many are able to connect on Facebook. While SavvyAuntie.com and our Community section is a little more private - and just between us - Facebook is a fantastic place to share and connect.

I am hoping that by March we have 50,000 fans on Facebook. I think that number will push this movement to a tipping point. I am thrilled for that possibility. Aunts deserve more attention for all that we do for the children we love - and their parents.

If you have not already, please consider joining the conversation on Facebook.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - We're on Twitter too! @SavvyAuntie

November 1, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Throughout the year, I attend various toy industry events and meet with toy manufacturers and industry analysts to put together my annual list of the coolest toys for the holiday season.

The 2010 Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards is a comprehensive list of the toys I believe kids want the most this year. When your nieces and nephews open their gifts, we want them to say: "COOL!" don't we, Auntie? Well I made choosing the right toys, easy.

You can find the complete list here: http://savvyauntie.com/coolesttoyawards.

Happy shopping!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin

PS: Please join me on Facebook - 20,000 Savvy Aunties are already there.

When you’re a PANK (Professional Aunt No Kids) there’s time for the children in your life and there’s time for you. Whether it be with your husband, partner, or a date, having the ‘freedom’ to enjoy sex and that healthy aspect of life without interruption or other ‘parental’ concerns can be a benefit of not having kids of one’s own.

A wonderful new online platform called genConnect asked me to be their New York City **ambassador for their very first live event and live stream. Dubbed Sex after 35 - Can Sex Get Better with Age? - it was Part 1 of a new web series entitled: Sex for Life. Frankly, I didn’t know what to expect. I’m used to testing kids’ toys so when I heard that Trojan and its new find-it-at-your-local-drugstore-personal massager (aka an adult ‘toy’) was a sponsor, I got a little concerned. I had to ask:

“Can Savvy Auntie talk about sex?”

Well, I surprised myself. I had a spectacular evening this past Monday night. I laughed (a lot), I learned a lot and I left more inspired by love than before I walked in the door. (And as a 41 year old woman, I also took away some positive ideas about sexual health as I get older.) It felt remarkably liberating to be part of an open discussion about sexual health.

The room was filled with women in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and more. Led by frequent Today Show contributor, Dr. Janet Taylor, the esteemed panel: Dr. Pat Allen (a septuagenarian sex expert who could make Dr. Ruth blush), Dr Alan Altman (whose documentary Hot Flash Havoc is sure to be a humorous and educational take on sex at menopause and beyond) and Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, (sexual health expert and author of The Orgasm Answer Guide) spoke frankly and with humor about sex, love and…. Well ok we didn’t get to rock n’ roll.

Look, most of us don’t talk about sex beyond intimate conversations with our partners, our closest friends and maybe our doctors. But the genConnect Sex after 35 panel event was not only educational, it was fun and warmly no holds barred. For instance, Dr. Sara (as she is known) was happy to share her thoughts on orgasms: “There are still many myths out there in general about what is normal [in sex] and in particular about orgasm, which is amazing considering all the information that is out there, although I don’t blame [women] because most of the information contradicts itself and leaves people confused.”

As I sat in the audience, I wanted so much to share the information I was learning with all my girlfriends. Fortunately, on Monday, October 25, at 8 pm EST / 5 pm PST, genConnect.com is airing a special ‘encore’ re-stream of the event. Moreover, Dr. Alan Altman will be available on the site to answer your questions and chat live. Here’s your chance to catch the moments you might have missed if you didn’t view the original stream, and/or ask that burning question about your sexual health.

"It's an opportunity for women to have an intimate conversation with one of the most noted experts on women's health and relationships," says Nancy Spears, genConnect CEO and Founder. "We're offering a friendly and open environment to express your thoughts, curiosities and questions about your sexual health, hormones and wellbeing."

genConnect is set to focus on other topics of interest to women in the future. Career, Health and Relationships are its main focus, so you can expect more hot topics to come along soon. In the meantime, please join me in watching this encore presentation of Sex After 35.

As it turns out, Savvy Auntie can talk about sex. And maybe we’ll have more answers for our nieces (and nephews) as they grow into adulthood and have questions of their own.

Click here to receive special expert offers and updates on the next genConnect web event.
http://www.genconnect.com/register/

Click here to tune in for the Oct 25th event at 8 pm:
http://www.genconnect.com/relationships/sex-for-life-webinar-event-encore-presentation/

** I am a paid spokesperson for genConnect. I believe in Nancy Spear co-founder Jane Maine de Biran's mission and I support other women entrepreneurs. Led by esteemed medical professionals, this event focused on sexual health for grown women.

October 18, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I was developing SavvyAuntie.com in 2007, Facebook had just begun to invite people who were not on college campuses to join. I enjoyed getting back in touch with my childhood friends, and staying connected with new ones.

By December 2007, I created a Facebook Group for Savvy Auntie. And there were hundreds of members by the time I launched SavvyAuntie.com in July 2008. The community on SavvyAuntie.com became active shortly after.

Once I migrated our Group to a Fan Page, the activity swelled. Aunts and godmothers are appreciative to have a place to talk about things they are passionate about as they relate to aunthood.

I'm proud to say that we now have over 13,000 Fans on Facebook (and I predict we'll have 15,000 by week's end if the fans keep joining at a similar rate.)  While I hope we'll continue to foster conversations here on SavvyAuntie.com - especially those conversations for Aunties' ears only - I also encourage you to join the conversation on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie where the world is listening.

Certainly, I'm listening. I read every single comment and post.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

I want to give a quick "Thank You" to our sponsor, Hallmark and  Hallmark Recordable Storybooks. Hallmark understands that a Savvy Auntie can't always be there to read to a child they love.

October 11,  2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

On Friday, I read an article in The New York Times that concerned me. Entitled:Picture Books No Longer a Staple for Children, the article spoke about parents who feel the pressure to advance their pre-school age children to reading chapter books - or early readers - before age five. The trend is so strong that booksellers are selling fewer picture books and publishers are publishing fewer titles each year.

I don't have a problem with children reading independently or with parents reading chapter books to young children. The language skills and vocabulary children develop as a result are integral. The issue I take is with assuming that pictures make a book less valuable. In fact, sometimes the words in a picture book can me more challenging than those in an early reader.

At the top of The New York Times article is a photo. If you clicked through to the article link, it may have been the first thing you 'read' when you got there. Being able to 'read' or interpret images is important for their ability to assess a situation as well as developing their imaginations.

A few years ago, a gave a picture book to a five year old girl who was unable to read it. Sure she might have been able to pick up a word here or there, but she was not prepared to read all the pages of a brand new book. While I was busy speaking to her mother, I glanced over to notice she was reading the book, spending a good amount of time on each page.

The child was reading the pictures.

When I read picture books to children who are not yet old enough to read the books to themselves, I not only read the words on the page, I talk about all the pictures on the page. "Look at all the beautiful butterflies. Which is your favorite butterfly?"

"The blue one!" "I like the pink and orange one. It's the prettiest."

"How many dollies are on this page. Let's count them together. Which one is the biggest dolly? Which one is the smallest dolly?"

Pictures give a child the independence they need to read a book to themselves when an adult is unavailable to read it to them. But they are also a window to the world. A Stop sign would still be a Stop sign without the word Stop. The green light doesn't say: "Green."

And a butterfly is a butterfly.

A picture in my opinion is indeed worth 1,000 words.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

PS: The SAVVY AUNTIE Book is now available for pre-order! http://amzn.to/bJ1Af7

October 4, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As many of you know, I was approached by HarperCollins Publishing a year ago to write a book based on SavvyAuntie.com. SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids will be available on March 22nd. We're still working on the layout but as it stands, it's 384 pages long, or about 90,000 words.

It's chock-full of meaningful information for aunts and godmothers, with expert interviews and advice from every day Savvy Aunties.

Today the final edits are due. I have to admit, it's a little scary. I mean, this is it. No more changes. No more edits. The manuscript is done.

It took me a year - well thirteen months to be exact - from the time I conceived of this website, SavvyAuntie.com, in June 2007 to its launch in July 2008. And it took just about a year to complete writing the book.  With each project, I've learned so much from so many. And I cannot wait until March to share everything I've learned for this book with you.

So here I go, off to HarperCollins in midtown Manhattan later today to say hello to my editor, Debbie Stier, and goodbye to my "little" manuscript which a year ago was just a twinkle in my eye. Oh they grow up so fast, don't they?

Wish me luck!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com
Author, SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids.

September 27, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Why is it that most of us loath the idea of fall coming as soon as summer begins. Like an alarm that rings too soon come the morning after a wonderful night, fall always arrives before we're ready for it.

At first, the site of pumpkins at the grocer seem ill-fitted, like a blanket on a hot July day. And those big bags of bulk chocolate bars that mean Halloween is approaching feel less than sweet. But then that first damp rainy day comes. Our manicures get darker. A cardigan is worn. And before you know it, it's fall. And it's somehow ok. And then, it's almost welcome like a pot beginning to simmer the soup. After all, it's too hot to cuddle with a niece or nephew is August.

Now's the time to start making those holiday plans to see your nieces and nephews, or take a few days for yourself (and your friends or lover). Make lists of recipes, gifts, activities, decorations to prepare. Buy those airline tickets. Make the arrangements at work. Get organized.

Because before you know it, it will begin to snow.

I know, I know.... you're not ready.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie

September 20, 2010,

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm a big fan of Mad Men.  I love the script, the actors, the clothes, the styling, and the cultural history. (I also really love Don Draper but that's a whole other Editor's Letter).

What's interesting about this season is how we really begin to see the precursors to the feminist movement. (If you did not see last night's episode: Beautiful Girls, you may find spoilers ahead). While the original season focused on Don and his family life, this season we are seeing more of Peggy, Joan and now Dr. Faye dealing with not being mothers (well, Peggy is a mother but she chose not to keep her child... and we understand now that Joan had two abortions). When Sally drops by Don's office unexpectedly, and Don asks Dr. Faye to help out, she's lost. (I even tweeted that Dr. Faye needed some Savvy Auntie training). And Faye becomes frustrated - even angry with Don - when she realizes she isn't a natural and says that she chose a different path. She is not a mother.

I'm not saying that not being a mother is a feminist ideal - at all. In fact, I always wanted to be a mother and still do and believe that feminism gave us the choice to be happy regardless of whether or not we have children. What I do find interesting is how Mad Men shows us how the world was changing and the ideals of motherhood and family were changing along with it.

The closing scene features Joan, Peggy and Faye riding down the elevator together. These women don't have children to raise. For Peggy and Faye, it seems to be a choice (at least for now) and for Joan... well perhaps Roger will change everything (or did last night).

We don't see Megan, presumably Don's new secretary now that Miss B is gone. Megan seemed to have been a natural with Sally. And I've always said, divorced dads love a really Savvy Auntie.

All four women are 1960's PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids). And I for one can't wait to see what happens next.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Here's a piece we published about the Aunties of Mad Men when this season started.

September 13, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

September is the beginning of many things: The school year for our nieces and nephews; fall; the fall holiday season; new TV series; new clothes and more. It often feels much more "new" to me than January 1st. Perhaps it's the sudden change of seasons that makes me reflect on time and how quickly is moves.... from a 90 degree day on the beach, to a brisk walk under turning leaves.

Fall has always been a time of reflection for me too. Just like the trees shed their leaves, I do my best to shed any resentment or hurt I felt in the passed year, or do my best to resolve hurt I may have caused others.

Being a Savvy Auntie means being part of a family (by relation or by choice) and therefore issues are bound to bubble up once in a while. Take this time of year to move past issues and into the upcoming holiday season with an attitude of forgiveness. After all, they say we gain a few pounds over the holidays, rarely to lose them. So let's lose the weight of guilt or sadness away before we sit together at Thanksgiving. Otherwise, we may carry it with us for a very long time...forgetting how we picked it up in the first place.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

September 5, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

"Read this!" the kids would say before they could read on their own. "Read this!" they would insist, bringing their next book of choice to my lap. "Read this!" I would repeat back, helping them sound out words on a page.

Reading to a child is much more than a calm way to pass time on a rainy day, or to help them close their eyes as they drift off to sleep. Reading to a niece or nephew helps them develop language and vocabulary skills. And while we may suffer from reading and re-reading the same favorite books again and again, the children are gaining control of the words on each page. It's really invaluable to their literacy!

But don't just read the words. "Read" the pictures. Describe what the child sees the on the page: "There's the barn. There's the farmer. There are the cows. How many cows are there? One.....two.....three!!" Then ask the child to point again to the barn, the farmer and the cows: one....two....three!

"The barn is red," you can add. "What else is red? Is your pretty dress red too?"

Books are just a platform for leaping into off into language and vocabulary that children need to master. Try to make reading an activity you do with your nieces and nephews with every visit or video call. Remember, Auntie time can always be "QualAuntie" time.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: We have lots of great book ideas in the Gifts section!

August 30, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Our nieces and nephews are back to school. We've all had that bittersweet feeling of watching them reach another milestone while wondering where the time went. How could the little bug I held in my arms just days old be filling up a new backpack with school supplies already?

They grow up so fast.

Take this time to make a resolution to contribute more to their education: help with homework; encourage their learning; give them books as gifts; ask them about school and about the friends they are making;  ask to look at their projects and artwork; attend their sporting events if you can....

You won't stop time but you'll be living as many moments as you can to their fullest.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you on Twitter? Follow @SavvyAuntie - there's more there!

August 23, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Let me start off by saying I haven't seen Jennifer Aniston's new movie The Switch. (I did see Eat, Pray, Love this past weekend, however, and loved it... but that's another Editor's Letter). But I think I know enough about the premise of the movie to talk about the underlining subject matter: women choosing having babies on their own using a sperm donor.

In 1992, then Vice President Dan Quayle had a fight with his TV. Or what was appearing on his TV. The title character in the hit show Murphy Brown was having a baby as a single mother. Whether or not you agree with Vice President Quayle then or now, the national debate about how single motherhood impedes on the American Family sparked media fireworks. Today, with fully 41 percent of new mothers being single, (a recent Pew Research study reports that at the time of Murphy Brown, only 28 percent of moms to newborns were single), there are still sparks left with just a few like Bill O'Reilly carrying the flame.

So to me, that's the switch. Not only are attitudes changing (it seems Jennifer Aniston won the popular vote in the Bill O'Reilly debate) but the numbers are there to prove that more women are considering and choosing to have babies on their own. And studies show that single moms are raising their kids just as well as two caring parents. Babble.com shares this: "Parenting expert and psychologist Carl Pickhardt says that while fathers are important, even more crucial to a baby’s well-being is “the quality of parental commitment to raising that child after it is born.  It is a prejudice that single parents — mostly moms — are deficient parents. In fact, they are among the strongest and most resourceful parents I see.”

Personally, even at 41 and single, I'm not ready to make the switch from Savvy Auntie to Single Mommy.  But I'm glad to know that if that changed, I wouldn't be alone. And neither would my baby.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

August 16, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

A few months back, I had the pleasure of interviewing Elizabeth Gilbert over the phone. She was in LA on her book tour for her latest bestseller, Committed, and I was in my office in New York, heart pounding with nerves. I had arranged to interview her about her latest book where she speaks eloquently about the importance of childless aunts in children's lives. But having been a big fan of Eat, Pray, Love (now a movie starring Julia Roberts) I was more than excited (and nervous!) to speak to her.

Auntie Liz, as she is known to her nephew and niece, is affable and brilliant. She was such a pleasure to speak with that I could have talked with her for hours. But it was her determination, like mine, to honor aunts like you - up the "Auntie" sort of speak -  that made me a fan for life - as if her books aren't enough to do that.

Here's our interview together, done earlier this year. With Elizabeth Gilbert advocating for the Auntie Brigade, we're in great company.

And I'm still in awe.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Follow me on Twitter! There's more there!

August 9, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As many of you know, I was asked to write a book for William Morrow / HarperCollins called: The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life - The Ultimate Source for Cool Aunts, Great Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids. I am proud to say that after six months of researching, writing, interviews and asking for Savvy Auntie quotes, the manuscript was submitted to my editor, Debbie Stier, last week!

Here's the good news: They love the manuscript! What a relief! Sure, there are some minor edits, but overall, it's a success! Now we're on to designing the interior of the book which will be fun! It's a guide book, so there are lots of fun sidebars, tables and boxes to design. I am working hard to make sure the book is as beautiful as can be - you deserve it!

What's the book about? Well it's part par-Aunting guide for aunts, part guide to learning more about the lifestyle of PANKs: Professional Aunts No Kids. We've interviewed some of the best experts in their fields like Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, Vice President Research and Education at Sesame Street and Dr. Christiane Northrup, New York Times Best Selling author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom.

The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life comes out on March 22nd (although it will be available for presale very soon!). It's a gift you'll want to give every Savvy Auntie (or soon-to-be Savvy Auntie) you know, and of course, it's a gift for yourself too!

I'll continue to keep you posted! Thanks again for all your support.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Want more Savvy? Follow me on Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie. There's more there!

August 2, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I love kids. True, as the founder of Savvy Auntie, that probably doesn't come as much of a surprise. After all, this whole company was inspired by my love for my nephew and nieces.

And my friends' kids.

And my nephew and nieces' little friends.

And I realized recently just how much most kids just bring a smile to my face.

There are a few little ones who live in my apartment building here in New York City, and I'm always sure to know their names, ask them questions as we ride the elevator together, compliment their new haircut, doll, or backpack.

Recently, however, perhaps because it's summer time and the children are out walking more slowly than usual, taking their time to kick a stone up the block.... Or perhaps because I've come to learn more about children through the Expertise on this site and through research for my upcoming book (The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life, William Morrow/HarperCollins).... I've been smiling at children I've never seen before.

Naturally, I only talk to children when their parent or guardian is with them, admiring their cuteness while being sure not to frighten them. Recently, I saw a beautiful little girl who was probably 4 or 5 years old. She had on the most adorable sparkly shoes that glistened in the sunlight. You knew they had to be her pride and joy. As I walked by I said: "I love your sparkly pink shoes! They're so pretty!" She smiled a Mona Lisa smile, unsure whether it was ok to revel in the compliment. Her mom (maybe it was her Auntie?) said "Thank you" with a smile acknowledging the kindness of a fashion-loving stranger.

I went on, assured that neither were concerned by a stranger talking to the little girl, and mentioned more specific reasons why I LOVED her shoes! She nodded shyly in agreement.

And with that, and a new skip in her step, she held her mama's hand and they crossed the street. Mom was probably feeling a little proud for finding those shoes, and the little girl, proud a kind stranger noticed her prize possessions.

We call that kind of Savvy Auntie-tude 'sprinkling magic' on children everywhere. And that day, from the smile on her face, it made her sparkle just like her shoes. And it felt good.

This week, sprinkle a little magic on a child you just met or hardly know. I promise, you'll feel the magic too.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

July 26, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I was about 4 or 5 years old and on my annual visit to Queens, New York to see my mom's family (we were living in Montreal, Canada at the time) my cousin Janet came over to my grandmother's house with a special gift for me. Cousin Janet was my mother's cousin and a Savvy Auntie to me. (At Savvy Auntie, we call cousins who are like aunts, Cousin Aunties.)

Janet was truly beautiful. She has fine features that stood out in our family of round faces. Her long brunette hair rivaled any of Charlie's Angels' and her gorgeous hands and long, perfectly manicured fingers were always the marvel of the little girls and grown women around her.

The special gift? It was a a Barbie Doll and a special pink Barbie Doll carrying case for my collection. I can still feel the vinyl and recall the dividers where each of my Barbies would bunk for the night. Janet also gave me a gun smoke metallic chain purse that I wore on very special occasions, mostly pretend - but I always had the perfect accessory for my imagination.

Janet always made me feel like big girl which, when you're a little girl, is really all you want to be.

Years later, I came home from college to see my mother in tears. There had been a fire in Janet's apartment building in New York City. Janet had tried to leave the building but the smoke got the best of her. Janet had died. She was in her 40s, not too much older than I am now.

I couldn't believe it. This beautiful woman who hadn't found love..... hadn't had any children of her own... how could this happen? Besides her mother, sister and brother, Janet had nieces and nephews (and now a great niece) she left behind. She had little cousins like me who missed her. It was just so tragic.

She would have loved what we do here at SavvyAuntie.com. She was the epitome of a Savvy Auntie.

I think about Janet often, now that I live in an apartment building in New York City and have nieces and nephews...  I thought of Janet when I bought my niece her first Barbie Doll. I thought of her when firetrucks came roaring by to extinguish fires in the building attached to mine. I thought of her on Auntie's Day. I think of her often. Because when I was a little girl, Janet always thought of me.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Want more Savvy Auntie? Come join us on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie! There's more there!

July 19, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The reason I don't have children is that I have not yet found the right man to have a baby with. It's that simple. So when an article says that women over age 35 are "delaying" having children, it concerns me that there's a common belief that most women are not have children on purpose.

And I'm right to be concerned; turns out I'm not the only one waiting for love. The other day I came across a 2007 study led by Amy Pienta, a sociologist at University of Michigan, who studied 6000 women to find out if one's level of happiness changes in midlife depending on whether or not they'd had children.

The findings were surprising, and the conclusion even more interesting.

A woman's level of happiness at midlife depends on when a she had her first child: 'early' (before age 19), 'on time' (between 19-24) or 'late' (25 or later).

Pienta found that women who had babies earlier in life were least happy at midlife while the 'on time' and  'late' were most happy. The later the first child, the more likely the mother was married, which Pienta believes is a root-cause of their happiness.

"In mid-life, being married or having a partner has a greater impact on a woman's well-being than whether or not she has children," Pienta said.

So women who wait for love before having children, or have waited until a point where their fertility health is compromised, or end up falling in love with someone who doesn't want more children, seem to be making the right choice to ensure happiness for themselves in midlife. They'll be happy either way.

Of course, every woman is different, and many women choose not to wait for love and have a child on their own and are very happy. But if you've chosen to wait for love and are concerned about you'll never have a baby of your own, take heed: You're not alone. And when you do find love, you won't be any less happy for your choices.

Now that's a relief!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS Auntie's Day is this Sunday, July 25th!

July 12, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I finally saw Sex and the City 2 the movie over the weekend. I know, I know, you would think I would have seen it the weekend it came out! After all, Carrie Bradshaw is an emblematic Savvy Auntie to Miranda's Brady and Charlotte's Lilly and Rose!

Carrie and John (aka Big) have decided that having children wasn't for them. They enjoy the freedom life affords them (and they can well afford) and are very happy being 'just us two.'

Without giving away the story (I know some of you haven't seen the movie yet either) there's a scene where a woman and her husband are disappointed in Carrie and Big for not having a child. They believe a child adds to your life as a couple. Without children, you're just the two of you. Forever. Carrie and John are taken aback, immediately pointing to Carrie's new book as point in case that she's got a full and bust life.

Oh the pity we see from those who have children who expect us to only find happiness their way -  whether we want children or not. Those who are child free by choice have a list of snappy replies, fearlessly standing up for their choices. But those who always wanted children but can't, whether they are biologically infertile or circumstantially infertile because they haven't met the right guy yet, don't like the pity. For them, it's heartbreaking.

We didn't get a peek into the discussion Carrie and Big have when they decide not to have children. And in her early to mid 40's, Carrie may have chosen not to go through procedures she may have needed to conceive. (Her alter-ego Sarah Jessica Parker had twin girls through surrogacy last year). Because we know at 38 she wondered if she should talk to her then boyfriend about whether or not he'd have more children (The Catch 38), we know she considered having children not too long ago.

I'm 41 and still want children, although I have worked very hard since I was 38 at being more than OK not being a mother and enjoying the fruits of my life - topping the list with my nephew and nieces of course. Not being a mother is one of the biggest disappointments of my life. But I will not let it define my life. I don't live my life in the negative. And I certainly don't want anyone's pity. After all, I'm happy. Legitimately happy.

Carrie doesn't want the pity either. After all, those shoes won't take themselves out to enjoy life. We can all take a lesson from that. Don't save your life for a rainy day. Even if you just bought the cutest Hunter rainboots.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS Auntie's Day is Sunday, July 25th!

July 6, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

It's hot out there in most of the country with temperatures flirting with 100 degrees! 

If you are caring for your nieces and nephews, please make sure to keep them hydrated. How much should they be drinking? Well experts say to multiply their body weight by 0.08. If your niece or nephew weighs 50 lbs, for instance, they should drink 4 glasses of water a day.

Of course, we know that not all nieces and nephews want to drink water, but do your best to make sure they aren't consuming sugary drinks that will actually make them even more thirsty. And look for non-caffeinated drinks as caffeine can be a diuretic.

For more tips on playing it safe during the heatwave, read this article by Dr. Leigh Vinocur: Playing it Safe: Heat.

Keep cool, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin,
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Don't forget! Auntie's Day(TM) is Sunday, July 25th!  http://AuntiesDay.com

June 28, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

They grow up so fast, don't they. They are certainly growing up faster than we did. This generation of tweens and teens have more access to sexual imagery and sex talk than we did. They are texting and sexting (texting very flirtatiously) with friends. They can access sexual information on the web. Sex is everywhere. So it's natural that before you know it, they'll be asking about it.

If you're 'lucky,' they'll come to you - their Savvy Auntie.

That's why we went to Anne Mai Bertesman, a mom and Savvy Auntie to 15 nieces and nephews with a lot of experience giving the "sex talk."  Here are her very helpful tips for talking about this delicate topic.

Please add your tips in the Comments section below her article. Being a Savvy Auntie is an art, not a science, so we'd love to hear your experience! We learn from each other.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin,
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Don't forget! Auntie's Day(TM) is Sunday, July 25th! Visit AuntiesDay.com for more information!

June 20, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Sunday, July 25th is the Second Annual Auntie's Day!  Auntie's Day is like Mother's Day or Father's Day for Aunts by Relation and Aunts by Choice! And it's sponsored by SavvyAuntie.com!

Here's a link to some savvy ideas to help you celebrate - and be celebrated! http://AuntiesDay.com

And we'll have more surprises as we get closer to the day!

XOXO,

Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

June 14, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I always loved and admired my big brother. While only two and a half years older than me, he seemed so much more worldly as we were growing up. He knew every note on every "The Beatles" album ever made (they were still called albums back then) and he collected important things like stamps, coins and comic books (as opposed to my sorry collection of plush mice).

But I was envious of him too. He was older and a boy so he constantly got to do things I could only dream of. He got to ride his bike alone after dark. He got to go downtown with friends to a hockey game (We grew up in Montreal. That's what kids do there). He got to try everything before I did like go to high school and get a computer.

He also got married before me (I'm still waiting). And he had a child before I did. And baby siblings followed. And a house. Two cars. A white picket fence.

We live different lives, he a suburban, married dad to beautiful children and I'm a big city single gal, no kids. They could probably use more help on Sundays when the kids are home from school, but I'm busy on the weekends writing a book on deadline (that ironically includes ways to help support your siblings). I'd love an hour alone with my brother, but he'd probably like an hour alone too.

I'm a little too old to whine to my father about why my brother gets to do all that stuff and I don't!  Of course, I could have all that. I choose to wait for the best man. So for now, I'll sit by the window and watch as my big brother gets on his bike and rides off into the sunset with his wife, a pack of kids in helmets and training wheels, and the life I always dreamed up...

But now I don't feel the envy I used to. Instead, I smile and wish him a very, very happy Father's Day. After all, I got to become an Auntie before he became an uncle. And he has no idea how good it feels.

I love you, J. Happy Father's Day!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Hey Savvy Aunties - you have your day coming up too! Auntie's Day(TM), sponsored by SavvyAunie.com, is July 25th!

June 7, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

While for some of you it feels like summer all year round, for most Savvy Aunties, the season is the fleeting time of year we all look forward to enjoying again when we feel that cool fall chill in the air come late September. The city streets are packed and the suburban parks are full of people. Even when it rains, it feels like the sun is always shining.

Summer is a magical thing, for some many reasons.

Studies show that children who are exposed to nature develop better. In his award-winning book: "Last Child in the Woods," Richard Louv shares a growing body of evidence linking the lack of nature in children's lives to the rise of obesity, attention disorders, and depression.

Whenever you can, please take the time this summer to take your nieces and nephews outside. Whether it's to a national park, on a nature hike, or even for some fun in their own backyard, making nature a part of their summer routine will serve them well.

And you too, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Auntie's Day is July 25th! Mark your calendars!

May 31, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The unofficial start of summer has started! It's time to enjoy the weather, especially those of you in the northern parts of the country with less summertime weather all year long. And nothing says summer like nieces and nephews! In fact, I think that spending time with kids can make us feel so good, it's like three scoops of ice cream on a hot summer day!

For those of you who are LDAs (Long Distance Aunties), summer may not mean spending more time with our nieces and nephews by relation, but you can still get your Savvy Auntie on with kids nearby! Offer to take your local distant cousins for a day at the beach or amusement park. You new best friend's kids might love some fun at the park, even after work for the older kids. Even spending time with the neighbors' kids running through sprinklers in their own backyard can lift your spirits.

For those with nieces and nephews nearby, take them on a road trip to pick berries or the waterpark. Kids need outdoor play to grow and develop, and from what we hear, the sunshine will do their bodies well too.

So whether or not you're able to spend time with your nieces and nephews, make sure to surround yourself with kids this summer. There's nothing like the sound of a child laughing in the sunshine to warm our hearts.

Happy Summer 2010!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

May 24, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week, I announced the second annual Auntie's Day, sponsored by SavvyAuntie.com. Like a Mother's Day for aunts, I hope that Auntie's Day will become an annual tradition of celebrating the Aunties By Relation, Aunties By Choice, Godmothers and all the women who love a child not their own.

You can learn more about Auntie's Day at AuntiesDay.com

Speaking of celebrating 'your other mother,' we were fortunate enough to have interviewed Robert Raible, the VP of Integrated Marketing at Sears. The weeks leading up to Mother's Day, Sears aired a commercial that recognized a child's number one, their mom, and also their cool aunts and Mom's best friend on Mother's Day. We asked Robert why Sears chose to go in this direction.

Savvy Aunties are being appreciated for the love we offer a child not-our-own. We celebrate you, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

For more, follow me on Twitter!

May 17, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm usually the kind of person who lets things go pretty easily.  Years ago I read Steven Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and in Habit 1, Covey explain the Circle of Concern. Sure you can be concerned about something but if there's little you can do about, move on to the things you can control. Worrying about things you cannot change is ineffective. I've learned to move on.

But last week, after Elena Kagan was nominated to Supreme Court Justice by President Obama, something began trickling into the media wires that I should could not stop thinking about. Some said that Ms. Kagan is not a good choice because she is not a mother. And how could a woman who was not a mother know what every day Americans are concerned with?

Sure, there are mothers who have done spectacular things with their careers. But even Hillary Clinton waited for her daughter to be grown to run for Senate. If Elena Kagan were a mother, to what degree would she have been able to spend time with her small children? Would the significant balls she'd be juggling give her time to focus on any of them well? It's 2010: Are we still believing that women should be able to be full time moms and full time careerists? Something's got to give. No one can be in two places at once. If she's at work, she's not home with her kids. If she's at home with her kids, she's not at work. (We know there are many moms who work from home while taking care of the kids but we all know that comes with struggles too.)

Certainly there are plenty of Super Moms out there. And we honor them. But we all know that the myth of being able to have it all, all at the same time, is just that, a myth. And too many moms are made to feel inadequate because they are not rising to levels in their careers as the non-moms do after taking time off to stay home with their kids.

So beyond the fact that I was annoyed (let's be mild here) that some would accuse Ms Kagan of not being the right choice for the Supreme Court because she's not a mother, I'm concerned that no matter what a woman does with her life, she's still not 'good enough' if she isn't a mother. (Of course some moms feel they're not 'good enough' if they don't have the careers that were expected of them.) 

We don't know a lot about Ms. Kagan's personal life, although we do know that she's a traditional Jewish woman who was bat-mitzvahed at a modern orthodox synagogue on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Presumably, she has traditional family values. We've also discovered that she is known to welcome colleagues into her home just like a "Jewish Mother."  And while we don't know if she's a Savvy Auntie, chances are she's had the pleasure of the love of children in her life. For all we know, she's 'another mother' to one of them.

Either way, the idea that if a woman has no children it makes her incapable of empathy for the needs of American families, or as one critic would see it, because she's presumably never told a toddler not to eat an entire package of hotdogs she's incapable of good judgment, is simply put, ignorant.

It concerns me that some would actually believe that. After all, the mission of Savvy Auntie is help make us, the nearly 50% of American who not are moms (yet) more savvy about how to help support the American Family Village. And really? An aunt can't tell a toddler he can't eat an entire package of hotdogs?

Well at least she's not being contested because she's a woman. Or a Jew. She's just being contested for not 'having it all,' as some believe is the amalgam of having a great career and children simultaneously.

As long as Elena Kagan is living her life to its fullest potential, she has it all. And whether or not she has children should not be a concern. Motherhood may not have been part of her journey, but it doesn't mean she's never been down that road.

To read more on Elena Kagan and the 'Non-Mom Myth," read this fantastic story by our new Associate Editor, Melanie Linn Gutowski.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

May 10, 2010,

Dear Savvy Aunties,

50 years ago, The Pill received FDA approval and women were able to enjoy having sex without the worry of getting pregnant if they weren't prepared to have (another) child. Margaret Sanger, an activist who saw her own mother die for having 18 pregnancies. She became determined to enable women to choose their birthrate fates.

(As a side note, in 1951, Sanger met a Harvard scientist named Gregory Pincus, the man who would develop the The Pill behind Sanger's activism and fundraising. Gregory Pincus was my Great Uncle by marriage. Uncle Goodie, as he was known, was married to my Savvy Auntie Lizzie, an eccentric type who made the most delicious hamburgers. My mother was convinced she must have added wine to them. Auntie Lizzie took that secret to grave years ago...)

While my Great Uncle developed the science that would enable women to stop ovulating on a monthly basis, it was Sanger who gave us our freedom to choose by advocating that The Pill be accessible to all women, married or single. This by the way, didn't mean single women were still not prescribed The Pill by stodgy male doctors or judged for their sexual dalliances. The secret truth was that about 50% of American women were having sex outside of marriage. The Pill just enabled them to get pregnant from it.

If it were not for Margaret Sanger, would many more of the nearly 50% of American women who don't have kids be mothers today? Would there be many more moms than PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids)? Possibly. Sure there are other ways of ensuring not getting pregnant including the use of condoms (which women not in an exclusive relationship with a man with no STDs should be using anyway.) And since abortion is legal in the US, along with the 'morning after pill," there a ways to reverse an early pregnancy.

Or does The Pill enable us the freedom to explore a number of relationships over a decade or two (or three) before settling into life with the right choice. But then it may be too late to conceive. But chances are, our relationships are stronger.

So it begs the question. Are you childless by choice (meaning you choose not to have kids) or childless because you had the choice (not to get pregnant with the wrong man.)

Whatever the case, thanks to Margaret Sanger (and my Uncle Goodie), women can choose the fate of their own birthrate (assuming they don't have a natural fertility issue). Women getting pregnant naturally 18 times is a TV show, not a reality for most. Girls getting pregnant at 17, while it happens too often, is preventable. For those reasons alone, The Pill is a very good thing.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Don't forget to check out some of the new summer Gift ideas in our Gifts section!

May 3, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

There was an interesting article in The New York Times Styles section this weekend about how tweens and teens are communicating with their friends through social networks like Facebook and through texting. While some parents interviewed said that these non-face-to-face encounters enable shyer kids to engage and make friends, even socially adept kids were spending more time communicating electronically than in person.

It makes me wonder how new technologies are changing our relationships with our nieces and nephews. Does texting make it easier to stay in touch?  Does being Friends on Facebook enable us to see what they're up to when before we would have to rely on a report on the phone? Or does all this mean that more intimate one-on-one relationships are out the door? Or that spending time just hanging out is fraught with anxiety over missed texts and Facebook notifications? (We mean the kids, Auntie, not you).

We're finding out big news on Facebook, like when our teen nephews are "In a Relationship" or our tween nieces are "having the best sleepover ever!"  There's no question that the way kids are communicating is changing. And we're learning about their lives just as everyone else is.

It's more important than ever to give your nieces and nephews real world love. Nothing replaces a hug from Auntie. In the meantime, there's texting.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Connect with Savvy Auntie on Facebook at Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie

April 26, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may know by now, I'm writing a book called The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life (William Morrow / HarperCollins). It's like a "parenting guide" for Savvy Aunties that you'll want to get for yourself, a new Mom may give to her child's Auntie, or Aunties may give to another Auntie about to join the Savvy Auntie club.

Of course, it's not just about the Savvy Auntie's relationship with her nieces and nephews, it's about her lifestyle. And since so many Savvy Aunties do not have children of their own (we've dubbed these Aunties PANKs: Professional Aunts No Kids) we'll be highlighting how she copes with society's collective myth that happiness equals motherhood. Which isn't to say that motherhood can't bring happiness to so many women (I've always wanted children, but haven't found their father-to-be yet). But motherhood isn't the only way to a happy lifestyle.

Unless we buy into the myth.

In doing my research, I came across a number of books about women who don't have kids and not only are titles downers, the book covers remind me of sympathy cards. Now there's some good information in these resources and so I don't want to put them down entirely. I'm just tired of describing women without children in a barren negativity that serves no one any good. Titles include: Without Child, The Childless Revolution, Baby Not On Board (to be fair, the latter is for those who are child-free by choice and loving it but still, out of context, the title is a little jarring.)

These titles focus on what we're not. Who describes themselves in the negative? "I'm not a married woman." "I'm not an accountant."  "I'm not a brunette." (Instead, she'd say she's a single, blond fashion designer.)

That's why I call us Savvy Aunties. That's why our look and feel is full of life, color and playfulness. That's why I focus on all the positive things we do - even when the situations we deal with aren't easy.

Maybe I'm just a 'glass half full' kind of woman. Or maybe I'm just tired of drinking the "You-wont-know-happiness/love-until-you-have-kids" Kool Aid either way. Childless women are not all sad, heartbroken women. Our lives are not a waste because we haven't given life (or adopted a child). We are not selfish for not having kids (everything an Auntie gives to a child not her own, including her time and love, is a gift.)

Childless, child-free, without child, no no no.... We're Savvy Aunties. Everything we do for the children in our lives is wrapped in magic. And we are happy to do it.

We should no longer describe ourselves by what we're not, but rather stand proudly for all that we are.

We're nearly 50% of American women. We love the children in our lives. We're Savvy Aunties. And we're happy.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

(I know we can't be happy 100% of the time. And it's normal to be sad at times for not having the children you've always dreamed of - if that's what you've always dreamed of. It just doesn't take over your life. Childlessness is not your identity. It's not you.)

April 19, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Sometimes it's amazing where life takes you. Through a series of events and personal connections, I met Jill Zarin, co-star of Bravo's Real Housewives of New York as her book Secrets of a Jewish Mother, co-authored by her sister Lisa Wexler and mother Gloria Kamen, was coming out. I'm a fan of the show (we all have a guilty pleasure!) but somehow meeting Jill was more like finally seeing an old friend.

Jill sent me a copy of the book soon after we connected and I read it in about a day, hardly putting it down. It made me laugh out loud at how the sisters and Gloria interacted throughout the pages with their sage advice, as well as choke up at the tender points of life. I immediately wanted to interview Jill, Lisa and Gloria when I read about how the aunts in the family have been so influential with their own wisdom and love.

Mothers, aunts..... we're all part of the family - and the greater American Family Village. And now, I feel like I'm part of Jill's family (Gloria insists I come visit her and her husband Sol in Boca this fall). Aunt Cooky (Gloria's sister who is referenced throughout the book) gave me her number to call her anytime. And Sol warmed up to me like I was his niece within seconds of meeting him..

Perhaps the best secret of a Jewish mother is that you don't have to be 'family' to be mishpacha (Yiddish for family).

Here are my video interviews shot in Jill Zarin's apartment. You'll see the warmth shining through. I hope you enjoy the interview and the book as much as I did.

XOXO
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

April 12, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Back in November 2008, Savvy Auntie was fortunate to have been featured in Gay.com. As a result, we received enormous support from gay men and lesbians. In fact, many gay men concluded they were more of a Savvy Auntie than even some straight women they knew.

We know.

So it is no surprise that we connected with Bill Horn and Scout Masterson. Bill and Scout make up The Guncles (gay uncles) on Oxygen's Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. This loving couple are not only among Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's closeest friends (they call themselves family), they are also Guncles to Liam and Stella, Tori and Dean's kids.

I met Tori and Dean last week at the Oxygen HQ here in New York City and when I asked about The Guncles, Tori got very emotional. She said that she doesn't know what she would do without them. And on Friday, I got to interview The Guncles and get their side of the story. No doubt these reality show stars are among the most committed Savvy Guncles we've ever met. To quote them: "Liam and Stella light up our lives every day we see them."

So here's to the Guncle - these Guncles and all the Guncles, for showing that we're all part of the Family Village, gay or straight, famous or not. As Bill said: "Even celebrity kids poop."

Here's our interview with the Savvy Guncles.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

April 5, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I have to admit that I had a tough time coming up with a topic for this week's Editor's Letter. Usually I know exactly what I want to say each week, but this week I was stumped. So I asked you. Well some of you - those of you on Twitter - since I needed an answer quickly. I got a number of responses (but public and private) immediately and I realized something.

I don't ask for your thoughts often enough.

We have lots of ways for you all to connect with Savvy Auntie when you need some Savvy Auntie advice:

Our Savvy Auntie Forums are a fantastic way to get feedback from the Savvy Auntie Community.

Our Dear Savvy Auntie column enables you to submit a question and get an answer from our Experts.

Some of you have Tweeted your questions on Twitter to me Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie.

I've seen wonderful responses to those who've posed questions on Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie.

And now I suggest you email Editor@SavvyAuntie.com if you have suggestions for topics you'd like to see covered on our Website. I read all my emails.

Yes, it's OUR Website. We're in this together, Aunties. We're in this together.

Thank you.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

March 29, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I'm busy writing The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life (HarperCollins  / Harper Studio) and from time to time, I'll be asking for your comments and ideas. After all, this book is just an extension of the Savvy Auntie community and I want you to be a part of it.

Right now I'm thinking about different Auntie-Types. I know you're all Savvy Aunties, but aunts are as diverse as any other group.  How would you define your Auntie-Type? From Aunties by Relation (ABR) to Aunties by Choice (ABC) to Mommy Aunties (aunts who are also moms) to Aunties-In-Law (married to their uncle), Long Distance Aunties (LDA), Gay Aunties (lesbian aunties and gay uncles),  Auntie Mame types, Eco-Aunties, etc... It begs the question:

WHAT TYPE OF AUNTIE ARE YOU?

Please visit The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life website to share your thoughts. We already have some great new Auntie-Types revealed and I can't wait to hear yours. They may be included in the book!

Visit http://melanienotkin.com/2010/03/auntie-types to add yours!

Thank you and whatever type of Auntie you are, know you are appreciated for all that you do.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

March 21, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As a female entrepreneur, I have found myself on the most amazing journey of my life.
Women who have started their own companies and are recognized as determined and hard workers are not only supported by other female entrepreneurs, they are empowered to keep moving forward with their business and their dreams through the sisterhood we form naturally. We feed off of each other’s success in a way I rarely witnessed in corporate America.

This week I had the unbelievable experience of taking part in a promotional photoshoot for Amy Palmer’s Power Women TV (launching  in the coming months). Some of the women who were part of the shoot I had met over the last year, some more recently, and some I had heard so much about I couldn’t wait to finally connect! After the shoot, we had trouble leaving each other, thanking each other for feeling empowered by our collective energy. Each woman was sincerely grateful for every woman in the room and the women in the decades before us who worked so hard so that we could have the audacity to do what we do.

Here’s a photo we took after the shoot (I can’t show you the actual final photo yet) that we took because we wanted a way to keep the memory and energy going.  I’m the petite one in the white dress, fourth from the left.

 Now that’s a powerful group of women!

Earlier in the week, I was interviewed for a book by the founders of In Good Company, a shared workspace company. Amy Abrams and Adelaide Lancaster thrilled me by coming to my home to interview me. I felt so honored that they felt that Savvy Auntie had come far enough to be included in their book. What an amazing team of female entrepreneurs who are making it easier for other women entrepreneurs to connect through a wonderful work space.

Being a woman entrepreneur is one of the best decisions I ever made with my career. It’s all about good karma. We’re all helping each other, empowering each other.

What a gift. What a life. I’m so happy you’re here to share it with me.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

March 14, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Tomorrow, Monday, March 15th, I turn 41 years old.  Even as a I type it, I can't believe it. I'm 20 years past legal age. I'm officially 'over 40.' And I'm not living the life I expected when I was a little girl.

I'm single. I don't have any children. I always expected I would have been married and a mom by now. I wish I was married and in love. I wish I had been pregnant and had a baby or three.

And yet, I have not one regret. I've been hedging that love will come in time for me to still have all I envisioned. I have not settled.

But as I write my book for HarperCollins Harper Studio: The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life, and spend time learning about what moms-to-be go through when pregnant and what new moms can expect once that baby comes, I can't help but feel a little sad for what I'm missing out on.

And sometimes, when I see a beautiful baby, or a pregnant woman, or the night before a birthday, I feel a tinge of longing for what I've never had.

I've learned that the type of grief women like me who don't have children because we don't have a partner go through is called: disenfranchised grief.  Our Savvy Expert Stephanie Baffone shared that with me.

But then I quickly remember all that I do have and all that I am. I am an aunt to six amazing nephew and nieces. I am the founder of a movement of modern Savvy Aunties. I am happy. And I am proud of every choice I make. Or at least, I don't regret them.

So happy birthday to me. And maybe next year, my story will be different. In the meantime, tonight, this is my truth.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: If you'd like to share your story of disenfranchised grief over not having children, please send it to Book@SavvyAuntie.com. We may quote you in the The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life. Please let us know if we can use your initials, age and state.

March 8, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I love books. They live neatly in my bookcase, they are piled up on my coffee table and night stand, and they are shelved on walls as decor. One of the books among a pile of white covered books stacked against a dark gray hallway wall is Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman. I've owned it since it was published in 1994, only five years after my mother had passed away. It's a nonfiction book that takes a sociological look at women who lost their mothers at childbirth to old age. I lost mine at 19.

And now it's been 21 years since she's been gone. She missed me graduating from adolescence to adulthood, she wasn't there to wave goodbye as I took some belongings, my cat and my first and only car on a one way trip to New York City. She wasn't there when my nephew was born. Or when his sisters were born. It's been a very long time since she was here.

When my mother's mother passed away, my mom held me and cried: "Thank God I have you," she said. "A mother needs a daughter as much as she needs her mother."

Today, I have the memory of my mother and only a dream of a daughter - drifting as I approach my 41st birthday next week. I think I'll call this the "sandwich ungeneration." 

Sometimes, it's lonely in the middle.

When I meet women over 35 who do not have kids, for whatever reason, they want to talk about what that means for them. Whether by choice, by circumstance, or by nature, there is always something a childless (or childfree) woman wants to share.

I am proud to give us a platform to share our grief for what some of us may have lost, for what may never be, and in the same breath, celebrate all that we are.

To life!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Please support our sponsors who support us. Visit Tropicana.com and enroll in the Juicy Rewards program. Tropicana has reached out to Savvy Auntie specifically in an effort to share this rewards program with you, for all that you do, Auntie.

March 1, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When is comes to our youngest nieces and nephews, newborn through pre-school, we want to help encourage their learning and development. The good news is that it's easier to do than you might think. In fact, you're probably already doing it.

Early childhood educators say that doing what babies and small children do best, play, is what helps them develop into intellectual and social beings.

Everything a child experiences during quality time with Auntie can be a teaching moment. That board book is a great time to help increase their vocabulary through language. Bath time? Well that's science when you talk about how some things float and others sink in the tub. Blocks are filled with engineering! If you put the bigger blocks on top of the little blocks, your castle will fall down! And that tea party helps little girls develop their imaginations, which is very important to have as they become more autonomous and begin to solve their own problems.

Our guest Savvy Expert, Marie Owens, MEd, shares more in her article: Help Your Nieces And Nephews Learn As They Grow.

So go play with your nieces and nephews! And be conscious of all the wonderful things they are learning as you do. That is very savvy, Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Have you seen our Activities section? Take play to a new level with fun things to do!

February 21, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

One of the goals with creating Savvy Auntie was to showcase how aunts are part of the American Family Village - that not being a mother didn't mean we don't love children or want to nurture them, but rather that we love and nurture lots of children.

The challenge at the beginning was helping marketers realize that there were other women aside from moms who they should be focusing their messaging to. So far, many household-name brands have done so, and we're so proud of our sponsors, which include brands like Hasbro / Playskool, Sprout, Scholastic, TNT, Disney, and many others!

The newest sponsor to really understand the influence of aunts in the family is PepsiCo's Tropicana. Tropicana recently launched its Juicy Rewards program and came to me to help them let aunts know about it. They are letting moms know too - but really see how aunts are an important part of the family as well. I have to say, I am so appreciative of how sponsors as amazing as Tropicana value us. We're making headway! Marketers are listening!

Tropicana was so honest about wanting to include us, that the team flew me out to Chicago to meet them and shoot this little video about the Juicy Rewards program:



It means so much to me that Tropicana wants to reward aunts for all that we do for the children in our lives. It makes me so happy that you are being recognized, Auntie!

Cheers to you - and to brands like Tropicana who support us!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you following me on Twitter? Or a Facebook Fan? There's more Savvy Auntie there!

February 14, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This week, the Winter Olympics are taking place in Vancouver, British Columbia. The best athletes in the world have gathered to compete for the Gold. They live together in the Olympic Village, friends and competitors at the same time. They train together, travel together, compete together.

It made me think.... we cheer on our nieces and nephews at their soccer games, at their gymnastics competitions, as their cheer on their teams... We want them to win! Get that goal! Complete that routine! Make that home run!

But perhaps the Olympics remind us that it takes a village of athletes to make the children better at their game - better athletes. Next time we watch them play, let's cheer on all the kids. They make our nieces and nephews better.

And that's exactly how they get the Gold.

Here are some fun ideas to share the magic of the Olympics with your nieces and nephews, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Happy Presidents Day and Happy Chinese New Year, Auntie!

February 7, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Is there anything more amazing than the first time your little niece or nephew tells you they love you?

While Valentine's Day is typically celebrated by lovers (and grade school kids too young to know what that means), why not use this February 14th to remind your nieces and nephews about how much you appreciate their love.

Of course, we've put together list of Savvy "I Love You" Gift ideas for nieces and nephews. But there other ways to show your love on Sunday.

Why not make a special effort to tell your nieces and nephews what you love about them. Is it their giggle? How nice they are to their younger sibling? Perhaps it's how hard they try on the soccer field or in math class. Maybe it's simply because your love is unconditional. There's nothing wrong with a little reminder of that, now is there?

And to YOU, Auntie, I send my love for all that you do to inspire the lives of the children in the Family Village. You are a hero to these children. To some you are their 'other mother' or at the very least a  warm hug, a soft heart, a bended ear.

Happy Valentine's Day, Auntie! May your day be filled with love.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Don't forget to vote for the Cutest Holiday Snapshots! It's our first photo contest and it's sponsored by SnapHaven.com

January 31, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The following is excerpted from my interview with Elizabeth Gilbert....

Things tend to come full circle in life, even when you don’t know the cycle has begun. In the summer of 2007, I was 38, single and I did not have children. (All except the age are still true.) I was also unemployed and looking for a career that I would love. I decided to start my own company, investing in a journey I hoped would bring me immense life satisfaction and happiness. (It has.)

It was also the summer I stumbled upon Elizabeth Gilbert’s runaway best seller: Eat, Pray Love. (When I say “stumbled upon” I mean I couldn’t help but discover it, with umpteen friends recommending it and Barnes and Noble seemingly decorating its Upper West Side store with it.)  And it was by reading Eat, Pray, Love, which I tended to savor at the end of the day as I lay in bed, that I would go to sleep inspired.  I was saddened when it ended, and until recently, I left the book on my nightstand as a reminder that the best stuff was ahead of me.  It was that summer that I started the work behind SavvyAuntie.com, to give aunts, godmothers and childless women who love, adore and nurture the children in their lives a destination to learn, share and connect. I set off  to offer them a badge of honor, a place to call home.

So it’s not surprising that I anticipated (along with millions of others) Gilbert’s next book: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, the next ‘chapter’ in Elizabeth’s life.  And, I could see the circle closing as Gilbert takes special care to talk about her life as “Auntie Liz” for many pages of the book, and refers anecdotally to her nephew and niece throughout.
And then came the day that sealed the circle: Elizabeth agreed to an interview. She’d heard about Savvy Auntie, in fact she had discovered it when researching her book, and was thrilled to talk to me.  (Her exact words were: “I love your website!”) And here we are full-circle: Eat, Pray, Aunt:

Elizabeth Gilbert and the "Auntie Brigade"

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS : Don't forget to enter your niece or nephew in the Cutest Holiday Snapshots Photo Contest! Or, vote for your favorites!

January 24, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you may have heard, we have a book in the works. With a working title of The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life, I've teamed up with HarperCollins Harper Studio imprint to write a guide book companion to SavvyAuntie.com. The writing is in full swing!

Over the course of the next months, I may ask various questions of you here and on our Facebook page. I want to give as many of you a voice in the book as I can. You are all savvy in many aspects of being "Auntie," and you all have valid and diverse points of view. It wouldn't be the best book it could be without you.

If you are not already there, please join the conversation at Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie as well. And please don't be shy. This is your platform to share and learn from others who are devoted to being the savviest Aunties they can be. Myself included.

Thank you in advance!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Have you  voted in the Cutest Holiday Snapshots photo contest yet? It's sponsored by Snaphaven.com.

January 17, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This past week, Haiti and the world suffered a great loss. Tens of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands of lives were lost in 40 seconds.

40 seconds.

The time it takes to order a latte. Boot up your computer. Text your best friend.

This week mark's Martin Lutther King day... a day of service to our nation and to mankind. A day to remember that the Earth is color blind. And when it shakes and crumbles, whoever bears witness is hurt.

This week, take 40 seconds to do some good for your community and of course to Haiti. Donate to the Red Cross or Doctors without Boarders.

Take 40 seconds to text Haiti to 90999.

Then give your nieces and nephews a lesson in giving back.

And spend 40 seconds remembering how lucky you are that they rock your world they only way it should be moved. With love.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

On a lighter note - If you think your niece or nephew is the cutest, enter their Cutest Holiday Snapshot in our photo contest!

January 10, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the widely popular Eat, Pray, Love, is now out with her long anticipated sequel: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, where she shares what happens next in her life.

I'll let you enjoy the book for yourself, but I wanted to point out a very relevant part you should know about. Towards the end of the book, Elizabeth talks about how she is childless by choice (as some of you are) and how fulfilling her role as Auntie Liz is... in fact she lives near her nieces and nephews for that very reason. Elizabeth spends about five pages talking about the importance of aunts in children's lives, even referring to us as the "Auntie Brigade."

The author pulls from history (and The Complete Book of Aunts) proof points on how aunts have raised, developed and nurtured some amazing people like Tolstoy and Copote, not to mention Coco Chanel and many others. And now, by helping to bring the influence of aunts to her large audience, we can add Elizabeth Gilbert to the list of Power Aunties. (I don't quiet have that list finalized yet, but it's something I'm working on!)

Auntie Liz also refers to the statistics we've been pointing out as well that show how PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids - our term, not hers) make up 50% of American women, and women in the Western world in general. She's also researched how women without children don't grow old any less happy or unhappy than women who do have children.

Cheers to Auntie Liz for featuring the significance of aunts in her book and showing again how influential Savvy Aunties are in the American Family Village, and family villages around the world!  Day by day, step by step, aunts are beginning to get the respect and acknowledgment we deserve.

Thanks, Auntie Liz!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Now you can be Savvy anywhere, Auntie! If you have an iPhone of iPhone Touch, you can download the new, free Savvy Auntie App! Tap on the Savvy Auntie icon to find the latest from Expertise, Activities, Gifts, my Editor's Letters, Forum Posts, my Blog and my Twitter Feed! You can also go directly to the SavvyAuntie.com website straight from there!

January 3, 2010

Dear Savvy Aunties,

With reruns of Glee, I found a new show on TV. I watch very little TV, so what I do watch - guilty pleasure or not - should at least intrigue me. ABC's Modern Family does just that.

If you haven't seen it, it's the story of a man, his new wife (the same age as his own two grown children) and her son, his daughter and her husband and kids, his gay son who is married to a gay man and their adopted little Asian baby. It's a modern family.

While the show is at times funny, at times a little poignant, it does bring to light how the American family has changed over the last few generations. And therefore, so has the profile of aunts in the family village.

Some aunts are the same age as their nieces and nephews. Some are lesbians living more openly than gay women a generation back. Some aunts celebrate a different religion than her nieces and nephews, or come from a different ethnic background. Some are 'step' aunts, for example, the sister of a man married to a women with kids from a previous relationship.

Whatever your profile, it's a challenge to speak to all your concerns, issues, and joys. I try to look at Savvy Auntie as a place where the most modern of family members - and friends - can feel at home. I hope I somewhat succeed.

If there is a topic you'd like to see covered, please email us at Editor@SavvyAuntie.com and we'll consider how we can support your needs. It make take time, but we'll do our best.

In the meantime, Happy New Year again... may it bring you many new modern ideas for this modern world we live in.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS You can also reach us at Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie!

December 27, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As 2010 begins, so does our mission to contribute to the love, nurturing and development of the children in our lives. As Aunts by Relation, Aunts by Choice, Godmothers and all women who love the children in our lives, especially those of us without children of our own, we are beginning to get noticed in the media and by marketers!

We are a valuable part of the American Family Village. And I will continue to help us get the information and resources we need and yes - the acknowledgment we deserve - to keep forging ahead and becoming the savviest Aunties we can be.

Cheers to you this New Year's! May you continue to focus on your relationships with your nieces and nephews -and with yourself. May you continue to find a community of women just like whom you can learn from and with whom you can share your greatest moments...and your most challenging times as an aunt. And may you have love, joy, health and success all year through.

Here's to you. Here's to Savvy Aunties! Here's to 2010!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

December 20, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Joy is one of my favorite words. And there's something about the Holiday season that brings me much of it. It didn't always....

The Holidays are also a time when we often feel our loneliest  if we have yet to find love. We feel our motherhoodlessness if we are yet to children, or cannot have children. If we have chosen not to have kids, it's still a time when families take center stage.

But when I stopped searching for happiness... or waiting for it to come to me, I realized that happiness was a choice.

Instead of focusing on NOT being in love, I focused on loving myself. Instead of focusing on NOT being a mom, I focused on what I am - an aunt (and a good one too, I might add).

The Christmas season, even for those of us who do not celebrate it directly, still seasons our lives with the light and spirit that appears all around us.

We hope you have everything you want this Holiday season, Auntie. And if you can't get what you want... we hope you have all that you need.

Wishing you, your nieces and nephews and all the children in your life, a healthy, happy and joyous Holiday season.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: As I wrote this, I found a piece of paper snow in my sleeve. It's a souvenir from Cirque Du Soleil's Wintuk that's performing right now at Madison Square Garden in New York City. If you and your nieces and nephews are in the City this season, try to catch this magical show. Because they are a sponsor, MSG is offering us a Kids Go Free Special Offer. Use Code 50MAGIC on select shows. Here's the link. Enjoy!

December 13, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This week marks the Festival of Lights, or Hanukkah as most call it. Or is it Chanukah? It seems no one has decided on the 'correct' spelling and so we use both here on SavvyAuntie.com. After all, the whole point of the Holidays is to be inclusive! We've also got some Christmas content (I know it's not Kristmas!) and are working on some Kwanzaa related content as well!

Whichever holidays you are celebrating this season, we know that if you are not spending it with the children you love, or with loved ones, or with a special loved one, it can be lonely. We hope you'll come back to visit us here at Savvy Auntie and share your highs and your sighs with us. That's what we're here for. When you don't have a built-in family unit, you have us!

On a personal note, I'm thinking about my Great Auntie Sarah today. She passed away exactly a year ago and she was one of the inspirations for Savvy Auntie. Not only was she the matriarch of my maternal family, she was an Auntie extraordinaire! She never forgot to call me at the holidays (always catching me before I could call her!) to make sure I wasn't missing anyone or anything in my life (she was very good at letting me know she cared without making me feel less-than or pressure to have a family of my own before it could come naturally my way). And of course, this holiday season, I am missing her more than ever.

Happy Chanukah, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Christmakkah or whatever you celebrate. And if the Holidays just aren't your thing, that's ok too. I just wish for you happiness, love, joy and peace. And a hug from a niece or nephew.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Still looking for a cool gift idea this season? Check out our Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Award winners! http://savvyauntie.com/CoolestToyAwards

December 5, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I've been offered a book deal by Harper Studio, an imprint of HarperCollins! This means there is a Savvy Auntie book in the future!

The book is called: The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life!

Like this Community, The Savvy Auntie Guide to Life will include content that you'd expect in order to live the Savvy Auntie Lifestyle - plus a whole lot more. I've learned so much from our Savvy Experts - as I am sure you have - and I plan to go back to them for more in depth content as well as include new expertise in areas we haven't yet touched on here. The book will at times be serious, at times be a lot of fun, and always dedicated to you, Auntie.

From time to time, I may ask you what you'd like to see covered in the book - as you are a fabulous representation of the women who will want to read it. Some Savvy Auntie members may even be cited in the book!

Earlier today, I published a blog post  on the book deal with Harper Studio. There's more information there.

In the meantime, I just couldn't wait to share the exciting news with you here. You are the inspiration for this Website, the book, and everything I do here at Savvy Auntie HQ. Thank you so much!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you a member of SavvyAuntie.com? It's free to join and once you're a member, you can join the conversation throughout the site! Just go to the homepage and click Register to join!

November 29, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Did you survive Black Friday? I'm writing this on the eve of Cyber Monday as the season of deals continues. Time and time again I get asked what the 'coolest' toys of the season are. After all, Savvy Aunties have to keep up their 'cool' status - and what's the point it getting the wrong gifts?!

We've put together our list of hottest picks - aka the toys the children in your life covet - and gave them awards! Our first annual Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards was designed to help Aunties like you make the best choices this holiday season. After all, we're here to help make you savvy at the holidays, Auntie!

Plus, Margaret Bristol put together list of shopping tips for you too! Shop Savvy, Auntie!

And our sponsor FashionPlaytes.com is offer you $10 off a $25 or more Gift Card with promo code SAVVY10.

And if you're reading this over Cyber Monday, please check out the deals I found at JCP.com!

Oh and the big news? We're giving away two of the Coolest Toys this season! Yep - LEGO Star Wars and Zhu Zhu Pets! Enter here for a chance to win!

Of course our Gifts section is filled with over 900 gift ideas if you still can't find the right gift idea for your nieces and nephews! Just use our Savvy Search function to filter down to the perfect choice!

Get shopping, Auntie!  And Happy Holidays!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you are Fan of Savvy Auntie? Join our Facebook Page at http://facebook.com/SavvyAuntie. It's active with plenty of tips and comments! We'd love to see you there!

November 22, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Happy Thanksgiving! It's that time of year when we reflect on what we're grateful for.... and while I must put my nephew and nieces at the top of the list - for making me feel so loved and appreciated - and just for being as amazing as they are... you are all a close second.

Just over a year ago, I launched SavvyAuntie.com... and since that day, you have all been there to support and contribute, visit and share. You have made my mission of giving aunts, godmothers, and all women who love kids, a place to connect and find new and useful information - and community.

So I thank you, whether you've been here since day one, or this is your very first time. Thank you for sharing in this fantastic dream of mine.

And thanks to all the uncles, moms, dads, grandparents, in-laws, cousins, siblings, friends and neighbors, who have recognized and appreciated our value in the Family Village.

Thanks to all the Savvy Experts who contribute their talent to help make us all more savvy.

Thanks to our Sponsors, who literally found us on day one... and continue to support SavvyAuntie.com and reach this most amazing and powerful audience.

And finally, thanks to my aunts...my Great Auntie Sarah, who passed away earlier this year, my Auntie Ethel, Auntie Marilyn, and all the women in my life who continue to inspire me.

Happy Thanksgiving, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: There are many people who have helped contribute to the success of this Community. While I may not have thanked you directly in this letter, you know who are. And you are very much appreciated.

November 15, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Many of our nieces are little fashionistas. They just have a passion for fashion. Older ones may watch TV shows like Project Runway, dreaming of attending FIT one day, while little ones style their fashion dolls like they are about to walk the runway.

This year, there was an abundance of new fashion dolls and toys that encourage design and creativity. In fact, four different fashion dolls made our first annual Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards, along with Harumika, crafty playsets that enables girls to use - and reuse - swatches of fabric and ribbon to create their own designs.

Barbie(R) launched Barbie Fashionistas, a very stylin' set of six Barbie dolls (sold separately), each with her own personality. MGAE launched two new fashion dolls: Moxie Girlz and BFC Ink Dolls. The Moxie Girlz are meant to encouarge confidence in girls, while the BFC Ink dolls are designed to inspire a difference in opinion and respect for others. These three doll brands received Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Award Honorable Mentions.

Ultimately, we chose the new Spinmaster brand Liv Dolls as the winner of the fashion doll craze this season. Daniela, Katie, Sophie and Alexis each have a backstory that encourages girls to go out and achieve their goals, even if the Liv girls are not perfect. They also come with two wigs so girls have plenty of hair to style, a brush, beautiful glass eyes and 14 points of articulation. As far as we know, that's more movement that any fashion doll on the market.

If your nieces loves fashion dolls, any of these Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awardees will be a welcome holiday gift. We just think of that the Liv Dolls were the most innovative of the bunch this year.

If you were planning a higher-priced gift this year, the new Barbie 3-story Dream Townhouse was honored in the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards Lux category. We asked a question on our Facebook Fan Page last month about the one toy Savvy Aunties regret never receiving as little girls, and so many of you said you always wanted a Barbie Dreamhouse.  So we thought this fashionable home was the perfect lux gift for modern fashionista niece.

And this week, in keeping with the fashionista theme, we welcome FashionPlaytes.com as our latest sponsor. Fashion Playtes enables girls ages 5 plus to go online and design their own clothes! The clothes even include the girl's own label and can be purchased to wear once designed! Fashion Playtes contacted Savvy Auntie so that we could help them let you know about this gift idea for the holiday season. And to help keep you on budget, they are offering $10 off a $25 Fashion Playtes Gift Certificate. Just use code SAVVY10 at checkout.

So there you have it Savvy Auntie - the lo-down on some of the most fashionable gifts of the season. We hope it helps keep you in style with the designer wanna-bes you love so much.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: For a list of all the Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Award Winners, click here.

November 8, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Well, I'm not the only one who turned 40 this year. The venerable Sesame Street celebrates 40 years with the same charm and values as it always has, with new features to boot. It has a new show open, a new block format, an entirely new nature curriculum (kicked off by First Lady Michelle Obama in the first episode!) and my personal favorite, a first-ever CGI-animated segment called: Abby Cadabby's Flying Fairy School.

To help all you Savvy Aunties get the savvy on Sesame, the lovely people behind the scenes invited me (!) to visit the Sesame Street set in Astoria, Queens, NY, and show me how the furry half lives. I got to meet Abby Cadabby (a certain Savvy Niece's favorite character) and sit in Big Bird's nest. I also got to see how the Sesame Street Muppets(TM) are repaired and maintained, as well as see a new scene being shot. The good people at The Sesame Workshop also showed me new innovations to the Sesame Street web destination for kids and I got to meet some of the famous Muppeteers.

The thing about Sesame Street's anniversary isn't so much that it turns 40 this week, but that it turns 40 with integrity. Sure, it's dealt with controversary (Cookie Monster eats cookies. Cookies are not vegetables. uh oh.... and there are those who think Ernie and Bert might be more than just roommates), but throughout its history, Sesame Street has maintained its focus on joy and education, while constantly modernizing. It's also dealt with tough issues like dealing with grief - and Mr. Hooper's death (it happened simultaenously when the actor Will Lee suddenly passed away). Big Bird's photo of Mr. Hooper that I noticed by his nest is a testiment to their relationship. But over all, it's kept up with the times by integrating fun pop culture themes into its shows...ones even Savvy Aunties can appreciate.

In the 40th season, Sarah Jessica Parker, who plays Carrie in Sex and the City, shows up on Sesame Street "Looking for Something Big." Of course, it's no surprise she's looking for Big Bird. And Sesame Streets parodies of Mad Men and the iPod commercials are brilliantly executed to teach young ones, while care takers can equally enjoy.

We were lucky, those of us who great up with Sesame Street, to have received such positive educational programming. And our nieces and nephews are equally as fortunate to able about to tune into the show, plus they have access to SesameStreet.org, and all the DVDs and other educational Sesame Street products now on the market (that we love to give them.)

Of course, not many are as fortunate as I to be able to have actually gone to Sesame Street.... walked on history... taken photos with furry celebrities.... See the magic behind the curtain. I am lucky indeed. It's an experience I will never forget.

By the way - to answer your question re: how do you get to Sesame Street? I took a shuttle bus with a very small number of other family-themed website founders and bloggers. And yes to your second question; they did serve cookies.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: We found out 40 Things Every Savvy Auntie Needs to Know About Sesame Street. Find them here!

Thanks to Ken Leonardo and the entire team at PBS Sprout for inviting me to Sesame Street.

All modern Sesame Street photos credits: Richard Termine.
Sesame Street season 1, 1969: Sesame Workshop.
Photo of me, Abby Cadabby and Elmo are courtesy my visit to Sesame Street in October 2009.

November 1, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Today is the New York City Marathon. Some run to reach a goal, some run to keep in shape, some run for the experience, some run to raise money for others... For some it's about reaching the finish line, for some, it's about bettering a previous time, and for some it's a race against others.

A marathon is a great metaphor for life. Are you living with a purpose, with a goal? Are you enjoying the experience of life, taking in the scenery, remembering to breathe during the uphill battles? Are you on this journey to get to the end, feeling good for having made? Are you always trying to improve on your previous accomplishments? Are you inspired by others? Or do others make you feel competitive?

Or do you feel like you're in the wrong race? Living an inauthentic life?

November means the Holidays are coming... time for family, for some a time for spirituality, and for all, a finish line on December 31st.

Start thinking now about the marathon you're running... who's standing cheering you on? What are hoping to accomplish?

Then, when 2010 rings in, you can start fresh... focused on your life's goals. Having myself felt like I was running the wrong marathon just a couple of years ago, I turned my life around. I no longer care about others' expectations for me on marriage-hood or motherhood. And I started the company of my dreams.

You have it in you. I know you do.

Ready...Set.... GO!

XOXO,
Auntie Melanie

Our sponsor, Scholastic, is publishing the 6th The 39 Clues book on November 3rd! It's called "In Too Deep" by Jude Watson. Here's more information on this highly anticipated next book in the acclaimed The 39 Clues series!

PS: November also means it's time to start holiday shopping for your nieces and nephews! Check out our first annual Savvy Auntie Coolest Toy Awards for our favorite picks of the season!

October 25, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week I was pretty vocal about my thoughts on The Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything, for neglecting to have a focus on women who are not mothers - about 50% of American women today. It was a lofty and ambitious attempt to bring forward issues facing women today - but ended up being a treatise on motherhood and mothers who work.

I wasn't the only one who, while supporting the report in theory, had objections to the content or slant of the findings.

Bella DePaulo, an advocate for singles - men and women - shared her take on the Report in Psychology Today. It's an indepth look at how The Report neglects the millions of single women in America and the issues they face. I first connected with Bella when I launched Savvy Auntie and she has been a welcome and supportive advocate for aunts - she being a loving one herself.

Joanne Lippman took another point of view. In her New York Times Op Ed piece today, she writes about The Mismeasure of Woman and how attitudes toward women in the workforce has plateaued and until women are given the respect we deserve, we can't call more women in the workforce "progress."

And I heard from many moms who don't want their womanhood to be defined as motherhood. There's more to them - and more to what they contribute to society - than motherhood, they say.

What The Shriver Report has done is open the conversation for women to express their points of view - whether single, professionals, or not (yet) mothers. I was Twittering to @MariaShriver and @iVIllage (the NBCU site that was promoting 'conversation' about The Shriver Report on Twitter), and tagging each relevant tweet to #Womensnation so that those behind The Report might ask me to join the conversation by actually conversing back.

But alas, my Tweets fell silent - except for the hoorays from other Savvy Aunties - and moms - like you.

As aunts, we play an important role in society. As professionals (most of us), we play an influential role in the economy. As women - we deserve to be heard and share the platform with all women.

That's what a "Women's Nation" is, after all. And if we were finally included in the conversation - that would indeed change everything.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Please help me welcome our sponsor, Yoplait Delights. You Deserve a Delightful Treat with only 100 Calories, Auntie! You can find Yoplait Delights at www.yoplaitdelights.com.

October 18, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The Shriver Report: A Study by Maria Shriver and the Center for America Progress was released today with the slogan: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything.

It might as well have been called: A Mother's Nation Changes Everything. The study, meant to change the way government policy and businesses modernize with the new standing of women in the economy - a change I completely support - interchanges the word "woman" with "mother" so often it's as if all women are mothers.

Nearly 50% of American women are actually not mothers. Which does not mean they never will be. But today, 45.1% of American women through the age 44 do not have children. This US Census data does not account for the women 45 and over, so we estimate that nearly 50% of women are not moms.

As you may have heard, I've dubbed this influential segment of our nation's women PANKs - Professional Aunts No Kids.

I agree that drastic changes need to be made as women account for 50% of the US workforce. And I applaud Maria Shriver, the Center for American Progress, and NBCU - the media platform that will be sharing the findings with the nation this week - for finally bringing to light the new face of the American economy.

And I agree that the American family has changed and support all efforts that enable moms and dads to work and raise their children without having to sacrifice as much as they do today.

But when speaking of the nation's women and the economy, women without children who love, nurture and support the children in their lives should be part of the conversation. The women who have discretionary income and time that they spend in our economy should have a voice.

Otherwise, we really haven't come a long way, have we?

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Please help me welcome our newest sponsor, Yoplait Delights. You Deserve a Delightful Treat with only 100 Calories, Auntie! You can find Yoplait Delights at www.yoplaitdelights.com.

October 11, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

"You're just an aunt," they told Savvy Auntie member 'aidensaunt' when she was seeking grief support after she lost her two-day old nephew. She wasn't allowed into the group.

Just an aunt?

Before I launched SavvyAuntie.com in the summer of 2008, I asked aunts from around the country what made them a Savvy Auntie. A 26 year old aunt from New York replied:

People always tell mothers that having children will change their lives but nobody tells the aunts that their lives will change too. I would do ANYTHING for my 3 nephews and niece. I love them more than I thought I could love anything or anyone.

We're not their mom - and we don't claim to be. But that doesn't mean that from the minute they're born we're not madly in love and committed to doing whatever we can to nurture, support, develop and engage our nieces and nephews.

We're not their mom - but we're guardians, secret-keepers, mentors, joy-givers, and loving members of the family. Even when we're not blood-related - we're family.

Just an aunt? That's like saying, they're 'just nieces and nephews.'

Nearly 50% of American women don't have children of their own. But we have nieces, nephews, godchildren, little cousins, neighbors, etc, whom we love and adore. While we could not find a support group for grieving aunts, we were able to offer AidensAunt support via our Community. You can learn more about AidensAunt, as well as BKearney who lost her baby neice Abby, as they gather support from other aunts in our Forums.  We have each other to lean on.

And that's what makes you a Savvy Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: For more information about aunts in grief, here's wonderful article by our resident grief expert, Stephanie Baffone.

On a much lighter note, please welcome Savvy Auntie's newest sponsor - Scholastic! They've just published the latest book in the classic Clifford series called: Clifford the Champion. Thanks to Scholastic for recognizing aunts as part of the family.

October 4, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am so excited about the toys and gifts that I've been seeing, testing and experiencing this year. This Holiday gift season is going to be a lot of fun, especially since there are great ideas at every price point.

We're working on the first annualSavvy Auntie Coolest Gift Awards program, getting the last details in our on favorites. There are parenting awards and other very presigious toy awards that do a great job helping gift-givers decide what to get for the Holidays. But the Savvy Auntie Coolest Gift Awards program is designed for you - so you know you are giving the coolest -and most appropriate gifts- to all the important children in your life. Our job is to help you maintain that Cool Aunt status of yours!

Here's a list of some of just some of the brands and characters that are currently in the running to make the list of Coolest Gifts for Nieces and Nephews!

Bakugan, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,  Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Lego, Barbie, Liv Dolls, Moxie, Princess And The Frog, Crayola, Leapfrog, Vtech, Tonka, Matchbox, Zhu Zhu Pets, EyeClops, I Can Do That Games, Nerf, Printies, Dora Links, Playskool, Nickelodeon and many, many more. In fact, our biggest challenge? Deciding on which we love the most!

We'll keep you posted. In the meantime, check out our Gifts section for close to 900 of our favorite gift ideas!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Enter to win one of two Toshiba Laptops! Simply take the Weblings Poll here to enter!

September 27, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

"Being an aunt is the best! All you do is play with them and then leave when things get messy!"

Well, sometimes that's true. But most often, being a Savvy Auntie means a whole lot more. Many aunts take on the role of guardian when mom and dad can't take care of their child, or become the legal guardian if something happens to mom and dad. If you are thinking about becoming the legal guardian of your nieces and nephews, even if you are not biologically related, Darlynn Morgan has The Legal Scoop.

Keeping our nieces and nephews safe is also always on our mind. There are things we can do to help prepare our nieces and nephews in case they find themselves in questionable circumstances. How to Help Prevent Child Abduction is a good start.

Of course, we love the fun stuff too. That's why were in the midst of preparing our Holiday Gift Lists for you. The Savvy Auntie always knows the coolest gifts for kids! In the meantime, visits our Gifts section for literally hundreds of gift ideas to indulge them with.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Enter to win one of two Toshiba Laptops! Simply take the Weblings Poll here to enter!

September 21, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

A new research study by Wharton professors Betsey Stevenson and  Justin Wolfers suggests that women today are less happy than they were 35 years ago. With all the choices that the feminist movement has afforded our generation, it seems counter-intuitive. In fact, Marcus Buckingham, in his new blog column in the Huffington Post, points out that "wherever researchers have been able to collect reliable data on happiness, the finding is always the same: greater educational, political, and employment opportunities have corresponded to decreases in life happiness for women, as compared to men."

What's most interesting is that moms are less happy than women without children. New York Times columnist, Maureen Dowd, interviewed both Buckingham and Stevenson for her Opinion column this past Sunday. "Across the happiness data, the only thing in life that will make you less happy is having children," Stevenson says. "It's true whether you're wealthy or poor, if you have kids late or early."

So as PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids), are we happier than moms, despite some of us still wanting children, or regretting not having children, or unable to have children? It seems we are. But still, what mother wouldn't sacrifice her own happiness for her children?

When I was 38, I was unhappy. Single, no kids, and searching for the career of my dreams, I truly believed that finding love, marriage and children would make me happy. At 40, I still don't have that, but my career (having founded Savvy Auntie for women like us) truly makes me happy.

I wouldn't have expected it. But I woke up one day and decided to rewrite what happiness means to me. I'm a PANK.

So thanks to our moms for carving a path so that  I could own my own business and be taken seriously (something I might not have been able to do so easily the year I was born). And thanks to all the moms out there who have sacrificed a little bit of their happiness to make me and all PANKs aunts and godmothers.

Want to learn more about PANKs? Here are some statistics that shows how influential we are.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter. There's more there!

September 13, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,



It's Mercedes Benz Fashion Week here in the Big Apple. Fashionistas are zooming in and out of the Tents and taxis....uptown, downtown and midtown, at the runways all around town! I'm there too, catching a peek at some of the shows, watching intently as the girls walk down the runway with clothes that make me envious and intoxicated all at once.

I love fashion! I love the clothes, the shoes, the accessories and the entire Gestalt that makes some of us giddy for a new season to start. And the reigning king of crowns, my friend, celebrity hair stylist, Ted Gibson is showing messy pulled back hair, in buns and in pony tails... something clean and sexy all at once.

Fashion Week is the Fashionista's Back to School season. It raises our  heart rate with nerves and excitement. What would the next season behold? The possiblities this spring of tropical colors, ocean blues, berry pinks, citrus greens and oranges... with sprinkles of fairy dust silver and gold.

The good news, Aunties, is that black is the new black this fall, which means as long as the fit is right, you're in style in your favorite basic for fall. Add a thin, long scarf in a metallic gray, or a few long gold chains for flair. Or if you're like me, add a little flower on your sweater dress to give it a little life.

After all... we can start now to dream of spring... when color comes back in waves.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: If you really love fashion like I do, and are on a tight budget this year (who isn't!) check out our sponsor - Beyondtherack.com!

BeyondTheRack.com is a by-invitation-only online shopping club that provides its members with exclusive access to private sales of coveted designer apparel and accessory brands at prices up to 70% off retail! Sign-up for your FREE membership today! Plus, receive a $10 credit just for being a Savvy Auntie when you sign up!

September 6, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

One thing that's far different from when we were kids is texting. Today, kids text each other when they're in the same room! Forget passing notes in class, they're texting their secrets too!

Not that we can blame them. We're not always the most well-behaved when it comes to texting either, are we Auntie? Ever keep your Blackberry on the dinner table ready to receive a BBM? Ever mute your iPhone hoping to catch it vibrate when that text comes in?

Stacie Krajchir has written a wonderful article begging Aunties to PLEASE put down their PDAs while with our nieces and nephews!  And our resident Aunt Steph reminds us that Chivalry is Not Text!

Oh and that last one isn't just for our nephews and nieces, Auntie. A text is not a call... so if you're dating and he's texting, maybe think twice before responding?

Look, our nieces and nephews pick up clues from us. So if we text in their presence or accept texting as chivalry, we're not showing them the best lessons.

And it is back-to-school season after all. Which reminds me to call my nephew and nieces on their first day of school. They don't yet have texting plan, after all.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - If you're looking for gifts for nieces or gifts for nephews, don't forget to visit our Gifts section for a new crop of savvy gift ideas!

August 30, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Well it's that time again... the Sunday night blues turning into Monday morning school bells. Our nieces and nephews are going back to school!

And once we get over the shock of what grade they are entering (kindergarten! 5th grade! highschool!) it's time to buckle up and get ready for the ride. Homework, competition, peer pressure, bullying, gossip, texting and yes, even sexting...it's all happening to kids all over America and what else can we do but be there for them as best we can.

Of course there's good stuff too! There's that incredible day when you realize that they can read! Add! Multiply! And understand things you never really quite understood in school. They're learning languages you never knew! They're playing sports you never tried! They're showing talents you never knew they had.

We here to cheer them on! We're here at every milestone (or at least we try!). We're here.... and they know we are. And that's something they don't need to learn in school.

Here's to the Class of 2010, Auntie. And here's to you for the best lesson on love and family!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS Are you on Facebook? If you are, make sure to Friend you nieces and nephews so you can keep a healthy eye on them. And don't forget to become a Fan of Savvy Auntie! There's more there! http://facebook.com/savvyauntie

August 23, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Wow! That was fast. Summer is closing and our nieces and nephews are getting ready to go back to school. I'll be on NBC's The 10! Show in Philadelphia on Tuesday with some of my favorite gift ideas for getting kids excited about getting back to the books. I'll update this column after the show so you can see the gifts Savvy Auntie Loves!

While we know that school is mainly to teach and develop kids' knowledge and skills, often an aunt can help develop and nurture their social skills and self-esteem. We all hear about the peer pressure and bullying that can go on even as early as kindergarten. And  their well-being throughout all this ranks high on our list of concerns.

That's why I can't be more proud to introduce Marlene Wallach as an Expert on SavvyAuntie.com. Not only is Marlene the President and Owner of Wilhelmina Kids and Teens- the modeling agency, (you may have caught her on an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey) she's also the founder of JustAskMarlene.com and the author of several books on beauty, self-esteem, fashion & style and health & fitness for girls.

Marlene noticed that even the most beautiful girls, like the ones she meets at her modeling agency, have issues with self-esteem. She wants to help give girls the tools they need to stand up straight and feel fabulous.

Marlene is a Savvy Auntie herself, and is all-too-familiar with giving all she can to her family.

You can find Marlene's premier article here: 10 Back-to-School Tips: Words of Wisdom!

There are other Back-To-School articles as well, including a way to celebrate with our nieces and nephews, one on how to help get them organized, as well as get them ready for college!

We wish your nieces and nephews the very best on their return to school. May they learn, love and laugh!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Do you have your own tips for back-to-school, Auntie? Why not start a Forum or post your best tips to the Auntiepedia! We'd love to hear your Savvy, Aunie!

August 16, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Let them play, says Alison Gopnik, professor of psychology at Berkeley and the author of “The Philosophical Baby" in today's New York Times.  Babies are smarter that we give them credit for, she says. And after examining numerous studies on the subject, she concludes that "...what children observe most closely, explore most obsessively and imagine most vividly are the people around them. There are no perfect toys; there is no magic formula. Parents and other caregivers teach young children by paying attention and interacting with them naturally and, most of all, by just allowing them to play."

You mean all those developmental toys and DVDs I buy them aren't bad for them, but just maybe unnecessary?

You mean I can just be me and let my baby niece or nephew observe me doing whatever it is I do when I'm around them and pick stuff up naturally?

You mean babies use their imaginations to develop their brains?

Well, you've come a long way, baby. Or perhaps we have, Auntie.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Do you agree with Alison Gopnik? Disagree? Join this Savvy Auntie Forum conversation on the subject.

August 9, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I turned 40 this year, which is a pretty significant birthday for any woman. For a woman without children who always wanted children, it's a particularly significant year. The count-down is on, as they say.

And yet, I'm happy. Frankly, I'm happier than I have ever been.

For women in America, there's a race that begins at age 35 to get married and have children by the time the clock strikes 40. When you reveal your age during those five years, people immediately calculate your fertile years in their heads and often respond to a question never asked: "You can still have a child on your own!" And that's often followed by the name of someone's neighbor's cousin who is happily enjoying her new baby with seemingly no challenges.

Thanks. But I'm happy.

Which isn't to say I have given up or am carefree about it all.

I'm happy. I realized after 'losing' the race and wasn't sad that perhaps it wasn't my race to win, after all. Finding myself living to my potential despite what I had planned for myself since my Barbie met Ken, made me understand that happiness is internal. Happiness isn't created by resisting a path you have chosen - even if you have 'no idea' how you got there. Happiness happens when you surrender to the life before you. And by surrender I don't mean give up. I mean by being aware of it. By embracing it. Loving it. Living it.

By spending even a moment regretting choices I have made, or not made, that may have put me in a position to be a wife and mother, would be a waste of time. Clearly I chose to wait for a love. The right love.

Clearly I chose the path I am on right now. I am proud of what I have accomplished. I am proud of being an aunt who loves her nephew and nieces -as you can all imagine - the way only an Auntie can. I am proud of Savvy Auntie. I am proud of the friends I have chosen to be in my life. I am proud of myself.

And that.... all of that... make me happy.

I hope that whatever path you choose, Auntie, gives you the happiness you deserve. And if you are not sure if you are happy... then take one step today to bring you closer to living life to your potential. Happiness is within. It's your own happiness. Discover it.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Watch my interview with Ariane de Bonvoisin and First30Days.com for how launching my company helped me find my own happiness. Video - in three parts.

 

August 2, 2009

Dear Savvy Auntie,

In Peggy Ornstein's latest column in The New York Times Magazine, entited "Wonder Girl," she debates her six year old daugher's desire for a  Wonder Woman costume for her birthday. Peggy Ornstein has never been a big fan of the "Princess" culture and decides that a superhero is a much better fantasy for a little girl than Sleeping Beauty - despite the sexy overtures of Wonder Woman.

It got me thinking: Do we empower our nieces with the ability to save others? Or do we let them engage in the fantasy that our "prince" will save us one day? Is there a reason why there are so many more male superheroes than female? And many more princesses than princes?

When I was six, I wanted to be Veronica. Actually, I wanted to be Betty, but as a brunette, I didnt think I had much of a choice. And now, Archie is about to propose to Veronica. The princess gets her prince. So why does it dissapoint me? Is Archie her true love? Or is he Betty's?

I watched superhero cartoons as a child. I went to see my share of Disney Princess movies. I read The Archie Comics. And frankly, I played with Barbies. All. The. Time.

And here I am. The CEO of a company I founded. I have not yet found my Superman, but I know he's out there. And I'm not unhappy to be single. I am proud of my life and my accomplishments. And the only thing worse than being alone, is wishing you were.

And so I realize that the most effective rolemodel I can be is a Wonder Auntie to my nieces. I'll do my best to catch them if they call and find ways to inspire them to live their best lives and make fulfilling choices.

I'm an Aunt. And I wear my crown proudly.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS For insight into me and my company, read my blog at Blog.SavvyAuntie.com

July 27, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Sunday, July 26th, was Savvy Auntie's Day - the first day of it's kind to celebrate all the cool aunts, great aunts, godmothers and all women who love the children (and adult children) in their lives.

It was just this past spring that we decided to develop the "Day" and we couldn't believe the response from you and from our sponsors. Our sponsors provided us with the means to reach more aunts and the people who love them. And for that, they deserve a "Thank you."

1-800-FLOWERS
BareNecessities.com
pingg.com
Vivre.com
WendyCulpepper.com
Sabra

I spent Savvy Auntie's Day with my nephew and nieces and when one niece handed me a flower to wear in my hair, I knew I was about to have the best first Savvy Auntie's Day ever. I'm very fortunate to be loved and appreciated by my family and friends. I hope you have the same experience.

Here's to next year's Savvy Auntie's Day. In 2010 it will be bigger and better than ever. That I know for sure.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS There are active conversations on our Facebook Page! Join us at http://Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie

July 19, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The day is almost here! Sunday, July 26th is Savvy Auntie's Day!

We're planning on a number of fabulous things to help you celebrate!  First, we've got an entire section of SavvyAuntie.com dedicated to information on the day.

Next, we're planing on some fantastic giveaways taking place exclusively at Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie. There will be a few surprises on our Facebook Page as well!

And we keep adding your Savvy Auntie's Day blog posts to our list of favorites!

Plus, I'll be appearing on NBC's The 10! Show in Philadelphia with fabulous gift ideas to help spoil the Savvy Auntie on Tuesday, July 21 at 11AM. (We'll be sure to share the ideas with you after the show!)

So what will YOU be doing to celebrate, Savvy Auntie? Even if you can't see your nieces or nephews or godchildren on Savvy Auntie's Day, be sure to take some time to appreciate everything do and everything you are to the children in your life. You deserve it Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Have you see the Savvy Auntie's Day video yet? Watch it here! http://youtube.com/SavvyAuntie

And more! We love our Savvy Auntie's Day sponsors! Check them out here!

July 12, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

As you know, July 26th is Savvy Auntie's Day! And we're asking you to help us celebrate - and yes, spread the word!!

If you're a Savvy Auntie (or love one), please blog about what Savvy Auntie's Day means to you, and we'll link back to your post from SavvyAuntie.com! That's right, we'll create a page full of our member and visitors' blog posts and link back to your blog or website!

Tell us how you plan to celebrate the day! Or what the Savvy Auntie in your life - or your child's life - means to you! And don't forget to link back here so that all your readers can learn about and celebrate Savvy Auntie's Day too!

All you have to do is let us know at Editor@SavvyAuntie.com before July 26th! And remember to link back here!

Who knows? Your blog post may end up on the SavvyAuntie.com homepage!

Want to know more about Savvy Auntie's Day? Here you go! There's plenty of inspiration there for your blog post too!

And don't forget to get the party going, Savvy Auntie! Savvy Auntie's Day is July 26th - and YOU deserve it!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - There's always lots going on our Facebook Page - Become a Fan and join the conversation at Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie!

July 5, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

SavvyAuntie.com celebrates its first anniversary on Thursday, July 9th!  I can't believe a year has passed since the day this fabulous community came into being!

I'd like to take this time to thank all the people who have given me advice, time, and support - as well as all our sponsors and partners.

I'd also like to thank all the friends, parents and nieces and nephews who have referred the Savvy Auntie in their lives to visit us here. And to you -Savvy Aunties - thank you for sharing your savvy with the rest of us.

On Sunday, July 26th, we will celebrate the first -ever Savvy Auntie's Day. Finally - a day for all the cool aunts, great aunts, godmothers and all women who love the kids in their lives. This day, this online community, and this dream.... are all my gift to you.

I salute you - Savvy Aunties! And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

For more information on how I started this company, read my blog - blog.savvyauntie.com.

June 28, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am excited to announce that July 26th is Savvy Auntie's Day.  Since I launched SavvyAuntie.com, I had been approached by many aunts - and the people who love them - to launch a national day for aunts. Around Mother's Day this past May, the requests were coming in faster than I could respond. Moms wanted a day to honor their sisters. Aunts wanted a day to feel acknowledged for their efforts.

We did some research, and it seems there is a little history of an aunts and uncles day on July 26th in years past. Since this year it comes out on a Sunday, we decided July 26th was the perfect day for Savvy Auntie's Day.

So what is Savvy Auntie's Day? Well, like Mother's Day and Father's Day, it's a day to honor Aunts and Godmother's for all they do. It's also a day for a Savvy Auntie to treat herself well and acknowledge herself for all that she does for the kids in her live.

We've create an entirely new section for Savvy Auntie's Day, with a number of ways to celebrate. You can also find that content directly at http://SavvyAuntiesDay.com. We've even designed badges you can publish on your website or blog.

Over the next month, we'll keep adding content and some prizes and other savvy ideas. So stay tuned!  Some activities will take place exclusively at Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie on our on Facebook Fan Page http://facebook.com/SavvyAuntie, so be sure to Follow and Join us there!

Finally - there' a day to celebrate YOU. Congratulations, Savvy Auntie!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Det. Grace Hanadarko is a Savvy Auntie! She's the lead character played by Academy Award winner Holly Hunter in TNT's Saving Grace on Tuesday nights, 10/9c. Be sure to join the conversation with Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie this Tuesday night at 10 EDT - live during the show!  It's sponsored by TNT - and we're giving away prizes during our live-Tweeting event!

June 21, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

You've heard about Twitter by now, if you're not already Twittering. I've been a member (and fan!) of Twitter since August 20, 2007 - and I can't believe how it's helped me connect with other Savvy Aunties, moms, dads... and people who are able to help move SavvyAuntie.com forward.

Currently, I am coming up on 10,000 Followers on Twitter. That means that 10,000 people are able to connect with me as I share my thoughts on Savvy Auntie and other relevant topics and ideas. And I connect with many of my Followers, learning and discovering, daily. Twitter is truly like a window on the world.

Last week, I attended the 140 Characters Conference in New York City. 140 characters is the character limit in each Tweet - and the conference attracted Twitter "characters" that are familiar to many both on and offline. Presenters at the conference included Ann Curry, Tony Hsieh, the CEO of Zappos, Jeffrey Hayzlett, the CMO of Kodak, Wayclef Jean and Diane Birch - musicians, and many others. They all value Twitter to connect with their consumers, fans and the general public.

As you can see, people from all walks of life connect on Twitter. It's inspiring to see how CEOs and consumers connect, how news anchors reach new audiences and how musicians can share their music with fans, in an instant.

Twitter has been a wonderful experience for me too. For example, on the day I launched Savvy Auntie nearly a year ago (July 9, 2008), Savvy Auntie was the most Tweeted word. The support was so inspiring, and continues to be. I have the greatest community of Followers and friends on Twitter!

I'm not the only one who appreciates my Following. TNT asked me to live-Tweet Saving Grace, the hour-long drama starring Holly Hunter, to reach like-minded women who watch the show. Live-Tweeting means to tweet during the show, about the show. TNT thought it was a good match since Det. Grace Hanadarko is Savvy Auntie who does her best to be a good aunt to her nephew, Clay. We started the conversation, sponsored by TNT, last Tuesday and will continue through all eight episodes this season on Tuesdays at 10PM EDT. If you plan to join the conversation, please end each Tweet with #SavingGrace. That way, we know you're there!

So, if you're already on Twitter, please follow me at Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie. Be sure to tweet a hello and tell me you're a Savvy Auntie too! If you're not on Twitter, please consider joining. It's free and once you get going and connect with like-minded people, you'll become a fan just like me.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - We're on Facebook too! Join us at  Facebook.com/SavvyAuntie!

June 14, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

On Sunday, June 21, we'll celebrate Father's Day. For many families, it's a wondrerful day for dads to spend with their kids...BBQs and baseball in the backyard.

Divorced and separated dads can usually claim this day to spend with their kids, even when it may be an 'off' weekend. That's good news for their sisters, the kids' Savvy Auntie, who can help her brother celebrate with a little extra help and support.

As I was working on the development of SavvyAuntie.com, I'd meet and speak with many aunts, each one with a very special story. When I asked one to tell me more about her toddler niece, she revealed that she didn't get to see her much since her brother and her niece's mom were going through a bitter divorce. Every minute her brother had with her niece, he wanted to spend it alone with her.

While the aunt understood her brother's wish to spend valuable time bonding with his daughter, the aunt couldn't help but feel shut out and sad, missing the niece she had loved from the moment she met her. Of course, this aunt is not alone. There are many aunts to kids with divorced parents. Situations where the dad has shorter-term custody can impede on the aunt's time spent with the children.

So to all you Savvy Aunties out there who will be celebrating Father's Day with a divorced brother and his kids - your nieces and nephews  - we salute your devotion to and love for your family. And we understand it can't be easy not to see them as often as you'd like.

We wish your brother a Happy Father's Day and we hope you get to see your nieces and nephews on that special family day.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: We hope your brother will have the kids celebrate with you on YOUR day, Savvy Auntie! Savvy Auntie's Day is July 26th! More details to come soon!

June 7, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

On June 12, 2008, I woke up an "auntrepreneur." It was exactly two years ago this week that I was inspired to design the first online community for aunts, godmothers and all women who loves kids. At the time, I couldn't find any modern resources for the cosmopolitan aunt. So, I set out to create a resource and community for us.

Just about a year later, on July 9, 2008, SavvyAuntie.com launched. I chronicalled the story of how I started my company in my blog - Blog.SavvyAuntie.com. You can find the very first post, where I talk about the day I decided to start this company, here.

I can't thank you and the hundreds of thousands of Savvy Aunties who have visited SavvyAuntie.com enough for encouraging and supporting this community. I'd also like to acknowledge our incredible sponsors since we launched, including Hasbro, Warner Brothers, Disney, Yoplait Kids, and our latest sponsor, Turner Networks.

Do you have a company you are thinking about starting? Does this recession have you rethinking your career? It's never to late to begin living life to your fullest potential. Take it from one who did.

Exactly two years ago this week.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Save the Date! Savvy Auntie's Day is July 26th! More details to come!

May 31, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am the first one to say that I want children. I'm 40 and single and frankly no where near having a child with anyone any time soon. But I want children. I always have.

Still, I don't measure myself and my worth by whether or not I am a mom. I try to be a Savvy Auntie and give all my discretionary love and more to my nephew and nieces and all the children in my life.

In today's Parade Magazine, Cameron Diaz is featured on the cover and in an interview inside. Because of her age (36), the article seems to put her on the defensive about her non-mother status. In turn, she reflects about her pride as an aunt.

On July 26, 2009, we will all celebrate Savvy Auntie's Day - the first day of it's kind to celebrate not only you and your aunts, but the idea that aunt-hood should be celebrated. It's a day for women without children, for any reason, including by choice, to celebrate themselves and all they contribute to raising the children in our collective villages.

So here's to you, Auntie Cameron. We celebrate you! We stand with you. And if one day you are caught showing a Hollywood baby-bump, we'll cheer you on again then too.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Details for Savvy Auntie's Day are coming soon! In the meantime, please share what you'd like to see happen on that day in the Auntiepedia section!

May 24, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I am writing this during Memorial Day Weekend.... a time to think about those who sacrificed their lives for our country.... many of them nephews or nieces to an aunt who loved them dearly.

Memorial Day also marks the beginning of summer for many, with family BBQs, beach houses and lazy walks by the river. It's about ice cream and popsicles, the fresh catch and fresh veggies.

For many of us, it means longer days and more time to spend with our nieces and nephews. We've published our favorite beach reads for kids, along with some safety tips for the pool to help you start the season off right!  We know you're a responsible Savvy Auntie and we want to help you keep developing and nurturing your nieces and nephews, as well as keep them out of danger.

But summer is also about fun and activities! We invite you to share your favorite summer activities with us. Simply Register or Log In as a member, go to the Savvy Auntie Activities section, and click on the pink SUBMIT YOUR ACTIVITY button. It's easy to add your favorite activity ideas! We may even post yours on the Savvy Auntie homepage in the coming weeks!

Have fun this summer, Auntie! And help us all out by sharing your savviest ideas with us!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Save the Date! Savvy Aunties Day is July 26th! Tell us what YOU want to have happen on that day, and we'll add it to our action plan!

May 17, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I can’t believe the amount of emails and tweets I received over the last month, from nieces, nephews, moms, dads, aunts and uncles, for there to be an Aunts Day.  And they were all looking for me to establish it. 

Well a few Google results later, and it seems Aunt's Day is July 26th… but it hasn’t really been heralded with any great tradition or promotion.

Until now!

Let’s decree July 26, 2009, Savvy Auntie Day! That’s right, we have a day!

So what’s Savvy Auntie Day? Let’s decide together! 

I’ve started an Auntiepedia topic called Savvy Auntie Day. Simple put all your ideas of what should happen on that day there, and in two weeks, on June 1st, I’ll put all the ideas together as the plan of action!

Is Savvy Auntie Day like Mother’s Day for Aunts? Should we plan to spend time with our nieces and nephews on that day? Will you spend it with your favorite Savvy Auntie? Is it a day for others to recognize our contributions to the family? Will you write a special blog that day? Tweet a Happy Savvy Auntie Day to your aunt? Your aunt friends?

What would YOU like to see on Savvy Auntie Day?

We want to know!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, Savvy Auntie.com

PS - Please use the Auntiepedia section for areas of Auntie expertise we're missing! Start a topic of your choice if you're really an expert at something! Are you savvy about Hannah Montana? Are you a Trekkie? Is soccer your sport? Share what you know so that we can all be Savvy Aunties!

May 10, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

When I first developed Savvy Auntie, it was primarily for women like me - PANKs - Professional Aunts No Kids. Nearly 50% of women do not have children, and yet we all have a child in our life whom we love and adore, whether it be a niece or nephew by relation, by choice, a godchild, a little cousin, a neighbor, etc.

But when I was doing informal research for my company and since I launched SavvyAuntie.com exactly 10 months ago, I have come across many women whom I call Mommy-Aunties.

Mommy-Aunties are Savvy Aunties, and also moms. One category of Mommy-Aunties are women who had children and then became aunts as well and have a special relationship with those kids. But there is also a segment of women who have been aunts for years, sometimes over a decade, and then became moms too. Because their nieces and nephews were so instrumental in their lives for so long, even the advent of their own child can't dilute the love they have for their "first" kids.

After all, our nieces and nephews often prepare us for what it might be like to be a mom. For some aunts, it's the first time they've held an infant, taught the ABCs, or soothed a child bullied at school. For others, it's much closer to motherhood. Parents divorce, and the dad's sister becomes like a second mom to her niece or nephew. Or parents are together, but irresponsible and Auntie is there to pick up the pieces. And I've heard a few stories of an aunt becoming a mom when her sister goes into jail and leaves her children behind, sadly.

I've had letters sent to me from grown men and woman who have praised their aunt for 'saving their life.' Some aunts are more like moms then aunts to their nieces and nephews, even when they have moms.

I honor all the moms out there who share the love of their children with their sisters, sisters-in-law, friends, cousins, neighboors, etc. And I specifically honor all the Mommy-Aunties out there - many of whom share their love with their children and others' children. And to the aunts out there who are considered 'moms' to their nieces and nephews, sometimes now even grown, I salute you.

It takes a village to raise a child. And women, moms, aunts, and Mommy-Aunties are all honoroed today, Mother's Day. And every day.

Do you have an aunt who was like a mom to you? Share her story in Aunthology - the Savvy Auntie member-submitted collection of stories about aunt-hood.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

May 3, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I need a date. I mean I don't "need" a date. But I'd like a date. A date with a guy I actually want to be on a date with. A good date. A datey date. A date with a great guy and a nice glass of wine.

Is that so crazy?  Ok, it's not crazy.

But then why haven't I had a date in months? And by months I mean MONTHS!  Six months!

And it's not like I couldn't have had a date. I have had offers. And I've said no.

I've said NO!

So what's wrong with me?

Being an "auntrepreneur," I am more selective now in how I spend my time. Do I really want to go on a blind date that really doesn't sound appealing just to say I've been on a date? No. Do I want to go out with someone I've met but see no possibilities with? No.

Some say: "You never know!" But I know. And it's no.

Maybe it's not me. Maybe it's the economy.

Perhaps dating in New York has fallen victim to the recession. The Wall Street guys I used to meet... where are they? Hibernating until their bad press is done? Until they get another job? Until they lose the 10lbs they gained in their own recession depression?

Or maybe it is me. Maybe at 40, I've learned that every minute is valuable. Every hour precious. And I don't want to waste it on a mediocre date.

Or maybe, I just haven't met anyone I've really wanted to go on a date with.

Am I picky? Yep. As I once told my nieces when they inquired why I don't have a husband: "Whomever I marry will be your uncle, so he's got to be very special!"

Ironically, I've never been happier, looked better or felt better.  And maybe that's why I don't bother going on dates with men I don't think feel the same about themselves.

But I know that great date... he's coming. He's around the corner. He's on his way....

Better go get ready.  Hmmm what should I wear?

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: Are you in a dating recession too? Start or join a Savvy Auntie Forum and share your stories or advice. You're not the only one!

April 26, 2009

Dear Savvy Auntie,

April showers take on a whole new meaning when speaking of Baby Showers. Sure, getting together to celebrate the soon-to-be-motherhood of your sister, sister in law, cousin, best friend or close friend can be a joyous occasion.

The first time.

But after what seems like the hundredth baby shower you've been too in the last year, it can get tiresome, expensive, and for some, depressing.

This week, we feature some great Savvy Auntie style baby shower ideas if you're the one throwing the next one. And of course, there's nothing you wouldn't do to celebrate the upcoming birth of your first, second or umpteenth niece or nephew (maybe it's twins!)  And our Gifts section has great gift ideas "Just for Baby." (Go to Savvy Search > Category > Just for Baby)

But what if attending a baby shower is the last thing you want to do on a sunny Sunday in May? And that's not only because your honey wants to take you on a bike trip down by the river. What if you don't want to attend another baby shower because of the economy? Or you have no idea when you're going to be able to have your own baby and being at a baby shower makes you sad?

It doesn't mean you're a baby shower scrooge. Or not a good friend. It just means you have valid budget concerns or feelings. If you really feel like you cannot attend a baby shower due to finances (after all, the point of a baby shower is to 'shower' the mom-to-be with gifts for the baby's arrival), then share that with the mom-to-be or the organizers. Perhaps there is a group-gift you can give a very small portion to. Or, consider making a homemade gift, like an album of photos of you and the mom-to-be from when you were kids for the baby to have. Finally, you can offer to be the shower videographer and give the 'movie-version' of the shower to the mom-to-be as your gift to her.

If you cannot attend due to personal feelings, then depending on how close you are to the mom-to-be, you can share that with her privately, or share it with the organizers. True friends will understand. Still, your presence will be missed, so try to at least show up for a short while and consider giving yourself a reward for having the courage to do so.

The baby shower blues are more common that we think. But the joy of a new niece or nephew is one of the most powerful and most joyful feelings of all.

To you, dear Savvy Auntie, I shower my wishes for love from all your nieces and nephews - and those soon-to-be.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS: SavvyAuntie.com is nominated for a Webby Award for Best Family/Parenting Website! We're in the same category as Disney's Family.com, WebMD/Parenting and more!  The Webbys honor the best of the best on the web, and we're proud to be in such great company!

Savvy Auntie fans can vote in the People's Voice portion of the Webby Awards by registering here: http://pv.webbyawards.com/   Then choose the "Website" category and scroll down to the "Living" category and then finally "Family/Parenting" and vote! The People's Voice portion of The Webby Awards ends on Thursday, April 30th, so vote today! Thank you!

SavvyAuntie.com is proud to welcome its latest sponsor, Yoplait Kids.

April 19, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Last week, I received really exciting news! We've been nominated for a Webby Award - the highest honor in the internet industry! We're up for best Family/Parenting site, along with Disney's Family.com, WebMD/Parenting, Kaboose and Momversations.

First, for the Webby Awards to honor SavvyAuntie.com among the best in the industry, is remarkable. But the fact that this community of Savvy Aunties is also recognized as part of the "family," to such a degree that is in the same class as the best 'parenting' sites on the internet, is really amazing.

Savvy Aunties - you've made it! You're getting the support and respect you so deserve as an important part of the family and a wonderful influence on the lives of your nieces, nephews, godchildren and friends' kids.

So congratulations! At nearly 50% of the American population of women, PANKs - Professional Aunts No Kids, are getting noticed and getting honored!

The Webby Awards is presented by the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences, a 650-person judging academy whose members include Internet co-inventor Vinton Cerf, R/GA's Chief Bob Greenberg, "Simpson's" creator Matt Groening, Arianna Huffington, and Harvey Weinstein. And we'll find out on May 5th if we've won!

In the meantime, you can show your pride by voting in the People's Voice portion of the Webby Awards. Go to http://savvyauntie.com/l/webby to register with The Webby Awards, and then go to Websites > Living > Family/Parenting (sorry, there is no direct link) and vote for us! You have until April 30th, so please vote today!

You can also show your support by joining our Facebook Group for the nomination excitement! When you join the Group, your friends will see it and perhaps you'll inspire them to vote for us too!

Here's to you, Savvy Auntie! Congratulations! We're officially part of the family!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

April 12, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I developed SavvyAuntie.com for the other 50% of American women who are not moms. There's so much focus and attention, not to mention advice and support for moms... but until now, there's been very little designed for the rest of us who love the children in out lives. (By the way, Mommy Aunties are more than welcome! We value your point of view and  this is an inclusionary community of course!)

Some Savvy Aunties choose not to have kids. Some are unable. And some just aren't there yet. But more and more, I hear of PANKs (Professional Aunts No Kids) who do want children, and as they get older without a mate, are finding themselves with tough questions and tougher choices to make.

That's why this week, we are launching a new column entitled: "I Want My Own Kids." There, Savvy Aunties will find useful information about fertility. I always envisioned Savvy Auntie to be a safe place for women who want children, may not yet have a mate, and are thinking about their fertility in their 30s and 40s and want answers and support.

So please go ahead and read our very first article by Fertilityties.com fertility expert, Dr. Rudy Quintero. You may also like to start or participate in a Savvy Auntie Forum on the topic.

Please remember, there is no judgment here. It's about loving the children in our lives: our nieces and nephews, our friends' children, and our own kids, present and the possibility for one day...

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - I wrote about my own concerns with not yet having children in the New York Times. You may be interested in my post there, which seems to have struck a chord.

April 5, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

April is Autism Awareness Month. While I personally do not have nieces, nephews or close friends' kids with autism, I do know many aunts who are in that situation.

When I was developing SavvyAuntie.com, I knew that we needed a category in the Expertise section for aunts of children with Special Needs,  within which falls autism. There are many resources available for parents, even grandparents, on how to cope as well as support and develop children with autism. But I never found anything for aunts.

I am proud that we continually address ways for aunts to connect better with their autistic nieces and nephews by relation and by choice, as well as their parents who greatly need our support. We even have a way to filter Gifts for kids with Special Needs. (Go to Gifts. In the Savvy Search filter, choose Category > Toys > Special Needs) That way, we are giving them the very best gifts for their development.

This month, we're beefing up our Special Needs content as it relates to autism, so that there is a consistent presence on the homepage to help bring more awareness to the cause of autism. Aunts of these Special Needs are well-aware of autism. But I am determined to increase awareness around the support aunts need when coping with autism in the children they love. Aunts are an important and vital part of their development. And we honor and support you.

I am aware. And I appreciate you. We all do.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Are you an Aunt of an autistic child? Would you like to be a Guest Expert on SavvyAuntie.com? Email me at Editor@savvyauntie.com. Alternatively, start a Forum post. We want to hear from you!

March 29, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The spring holidays are around the corner and that means time to help your young nieces and nephews enjoy all the holidays have to offer. Sure, that often means we'll give them a chocolate bunny or Passover candy, or perhaps even a plush rabbit or 'afikoman' present when your Jewish nieces or nephews find the hidden matzah at the end of the Passover seder. But often enough, it's not that easy. Especially when your point of view on religion is different from other family members.

For families who are more traditional, the holidays are often a time to talk about religion, culture, and history. Non-religious families find time to spend together eating recipes brought down generation to generation. Often, at the very least, there's a phone call where the kids share what they learned in school about the holidays, or what they plan to do to celebrate.

But what happens when you are not as comfortable with the traditions and the religious aspects of the holidays as the parents of your nieces and nephews are? Or what if you are more observant, but the parents do little to instill tradition in their children?  When you're an LDA (Long Distance Auntie), it might be easier to swallow. But when you are together for the holidays, how do you cope?

The holidays should be a time when family and friends come together to celebrate what binds us. If there are things that pull us apart, we should do our best to avoid those situations. When the children are older and have questions, they'll know to come to us. In the meantime, try to go along for the ride.

Sometimes it's harder to hide our feelings than an Easter Egg or a Passover Matzah. Still, making sure there is peace in home, especially over the holidays, is probably what's best. And if that doesn't work, crack open a chocolate bunny. Or bite into a Passover jelly. After all, that's what seems to make the kids happy. And in the end, that's what's important. IMHO.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - We've put together a list of our 5 favorite books for Passover! They're right here!

March 22, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Have you heard about the great 'princess' debate? Perhaps you've indulged your little niece in a little princess fairy dust (e.g. costumes, books, dolls, etc) and her mom has balked, saying that she didn't want her little girl to aspire to be a princess? Or that fairytales are not reality? Or perhaps you feel that way yourself and refuse to partake in any princess rituals, no matter how much your niece tries to convince you of it's royal enjoyment.

Then along came Nancy. Fancy Nancy that is. If you have a niece ages 4-8, you've probably heard about Fancy Nancy, her Posh Puppy and her Bonjour Butterfly - all based on a wildly popular books series by Jane O'Connor and illustrated by Robin Preiss Glasser. (And if you haven't heard about Fancy Nancy, there's no better time like the present to introduce her to your niece!)

Nancy is a little girl who just loves being fancy. Her favorite color is fushia (which is a fancy name for purple). And she loves dressing up all fancy, even to go to the local fast food place for dinner with her patient family. Naturally, Nancy sees some obstacles in being fancy all the time....and little girls learn lessons in putting the most important things first.

Little girls love participating in the Fancy Nancy brand by getting dressed up to read the books, or getting together for a Fancy Nancy party. (We've published some Fancy Nancy party ideas here). I've even learned that calling a box of ribbons and shiny papers a "Fancy Nancy" box of arts and crafts supplies, seems to make crafting a whole lot more fun for my nieces.

So if there's a kibosh on princess, perhaps try fancy. Or play with both ideas. After all, in the end, it should just always about imaginative play, reading together and having fun. But remember, it's always the parents' choice.

Big Fancy News! The long-awaited fourth Fancy Nancy book in the series is coming out on March 31st! It's called Explorer Extraordinaire. You can find it here!


XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

By the way, I personally wanted to be a princess when I was a little girl. I also wanted to be in advertising a very young age. I believe I knew how to separate reality from fantasy, although I admit I might still be looking for my Prince Charming.

March 16, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Spring means going green!

This week is St. Patrick's Day and we've put together a selection of party activities and books to share with your young nieces and nephews!

We've also put together 10 Great Spring Activities so you can begin to shed those coats and enjoy the weather with your nieces and nephews!

And since it's getting warmer out, you may want to take that first bike ride. Be sure to remember it's Brain Trauma Awareness Month, and what that means to biking safely with your nieces and nephews of any age.Read more here.

Finally, the economy is shaking up how we look to spend our green - money that is. Some Savvy Aunties are investing the economy by greening-up their homes. Here are some finance tips for spending or saving this season.

How ever you decide to go green this month, be sure to share your ideas with us too. Add a comment to the articles, or post a Forum to share your tips!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

March 8, 2008

Dear Savvy Aunties,

In most parts of the country, we turned the clocks ahead one hour this weekend, a sure sign that spring is on it's way. And over here at Savvy Auntie HQ, we're gearing up with Expertise content, Activities and Gift ideas that will help you be the Savvy Aunties you want to be around St Patrick's Day, Easter, Passover, Earth Day and Autism Awareness Month in April.

Meanwhile, the article I wrote in nytimes.com received enormous support from readers, Savvy Aunties and others who, aside from commenting directly below the article, sent in letters and Tweeted appreciation via Twitter. Even my book agent was excited by the response and we are thinking about a compilation of stories on Aunt-hood that we call Aunthology.

The Aunthology section in SavvyAuntie.com is meant for you to share your stories about being an aunt, your aunt, a woman who is not your mother who has had a great impact on your life, or just a day-in-the-life of being a Savvy Auntie. As the collection of stories grows, we'll begin to look into options for this book! Imagine - a book for aunts and about aunts just like us and those who inspire us.

In the meantime, the weather is getting warmer, the days are getting longer, and it's time to get ready for spring. Thanks for being here as the seasons change and our journey as Savvy Aunties continues...

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Our Facebook Savvy Auntie Fan Page is all new! Check it out and join us there!

March 1, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This was a big week for me. I was asked by Lisa Belkin, contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, where she writes frequently about family life, to guest post on her The Motherlode blog on nytimes.com. Not only was it a huge honor for me that she shared her platform, but that she also gave me reign over what to say. Lisa 's blog post is entitled: It Takes An Aunt To Raise a Child and my sub-title is: With Love From The Aunt.

The full post can be found here: http://www.savvyauntie.com/l/NYT0226

The best part about the entire process for me has been the comments left by readers, the Tweets sent to me by those on Twitter.com, the comments on Facebook, and the letters that have poured in to my inbox. Remarkably, all were very positive.

I encourage you to read the post and add your comments there if you like. Or, start or join a Forum here on SavvyAuntie.com if you have more that you want to say, share and get feedback on.

I opened the discussion... I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

February 22, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This past week was Toy Fair 2009 at Jacob Javits Center in New York City. Hundreds of large and small toy companies gathered to showcase their hottest selection of toys for 2009. And we got the behind-the-scenes scoop to share with you!

Some toys are so hush hush, we're not allowed to show them to you yet!  And some are already on the shelves! Others are coming down the pike and will be here before you know it. But whenever the toys make their first appearances, we couldn't help but notice that the 2009 toy line up had some common themes.

First of all , it's a celebratory year, as brands we know and love are celebrating milestone anniversaries, like SpongeBob's 10th, The Simpson's 20th, Grease's 30th, Nerf's 40th and Barbie's 50th. Old favorites are back; get ready for the return of Disney's Snow White. And princesses are in waiting - Look out for The Princess and the Frog move premiere this holiday season.

Toys are going organic, getting online, and all are coming down in price to keep in line with the recession. Oversized toys have shrunk down to fit our wallets and many brands have gone back to basics, bringing back classic toys that are no risk fun.

Over the year, we'll keep 'stocking' our Gifts section with the hottest, latest and most exciting toys for 2009. Please don't forget to login and rate and comment on each toy if you are considering or have already purchased them.

My goal is to help keep you as cool as ever, Auntie. And over the next few days and weeks, as we review the hundreds of toys we've seen at Toy Fair, we'll share our favorites with you. Let the fun begin!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Know other Savvy Aunties who can use a few gift ideas? Tell them about our Savvy Auntie Community! It's yours to share.

February 15, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

This past week was Social Media Week in New York City, and it was a good reminder for me to share ways for you as Savvy Aunties to connect with each other and with your nieces and nephews on social networks like this one.

First of all, there are fantastic family social networks like Wee-Web.com and LilGrams.com that enable aunts and the rest of the family to connect and share what the babies and little kids are up to in a way that is safe, private and secure.  For the older kids, Facebook is a great way to stay in touch. Hopefully they have accepted or will accept your Friendship request and allow you to see what they are up to.

Of course, SavvyAuntie.com is the best way to connect and share with other Savvy Aunties just like you. We encourage you to Find Friends, Post Forums, Join Groups, Comment on articles and much more as described here.

However, there are many other ways to connect with Savvy Aunties and with me! I encourage you to join our Facebook Fan Page where we have new content and promotions specific to our Fans. And if you want a little more insight into me as Founder, please Follow me on Twitter - Twitter.com/SavvyAuntie.

In the coming months, we'll announce new ways you can connect with Savvy Auntie. In the meantime, we hope you'll keep connecting with each other here, on SavvyAuntie.com.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Have nieces and nephews already on Facebook? Answer our Savvy Auntie Poll on the homepage!

February 8, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

I admit it. I'm the kind of aunt that gets pretty gushy over my nephews and nieces. I think I must say "I love you" about once every 10 minutes to each child every time I am with them. Granted, they're small and don't yet get embarrassed by their wildly affectionate Auntie. And yet I realize that with each "I love you" and hug and kiss, I know I am getting closer to the day they begin to say "Stop it, Auntie!"

But so far, so good. They don't seem to mind. In fact, they seem to love being loved. They run to me to say hello. And they run to me to say goodbye. "Watch me!" "Look what I did!" "Hold my hand!" "Come with me, I want to show you something..." and of course, my favorite: "Auntie Melanie, I love you."

Do they have any idea what telling me they love me does for me? Do they have any idea how much it means to me? Do they have any idea how much I adore them?

They probably won't until they have their own nieces and nephews one day. And then they'll realize that every day with their nieces and nephews is like Valentine's Day.

I hope this Valentine's Day, and every day, you find ways to share love with your nieces and nephews - even if you're not gushy about it like I am.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Thinking of ways to share the love this Valentine's Day? Check out these Children's Charities We Love.

Thanks to Sarah McLachlin and her song "Ice Cream" for my title.

February 1, 2008

Dear Savvy Aunties,

Sometimes, as Editor (and Founder) of SavvyAuntie.com, I get invited to some fun press events. Most of the invitations have an ulterior motive of course; there's a new product launch or new service that may be relevant to my readers, and by attending the event I'm more likely to tell you about it.

And sometimes, I'm invited to things that are completely irrelevant to you. The products and services are VERY mom-centric and really the whole point of Savvy Auntie has clearly been lost on the messenger.

And I'll be honest, when I received a media-alert from Fisher-Price announcing their new baby gear product line called Precious Planet, I was ready for it to be focused on how to 'make my life easier as a mom.' But it wasn't that at all. Sure, there are products in the line that are clearly things a parent is more likely to purchase, but many of the products are gifts a Savvy Auntie would be proud to give a new baby niece or nephew.

Moreover, the press event was attracting mainstream press - not only moms who blog about babygear. It was to be held at New York's Central Park Zoo, with a guest appearance by actor Maggie Gyllenhaal who would be there to help Fisher-Price donate $250,000 to the Wildlife Conservation Society.

The clincher - the PR team tried to get me an interview with Maggie (I wanted to know if Jake Gyllenhaal was a Savvy Uncle to Maggie's daughter Rowena!). Even though we were unsuccessful (that's just the way these things go), it wasn't because the Fisher-Price PR people didn't sincerely try.

When I got the zoo last Monday, it was a media circus. In a good way. Photographers and cameramen/women were lined up behind a rope to shoot photos and video of Maggie and it felt great. The flashbulbs went crazy with calls of: "Over here Maggie!" "To your left Maggie!" "Look to your right Maggie!" and our own Savvy Auntie TV producer from Ambush.TV was right there with them on our behalf!  And as I stood there smiling, I felt an emormous sense of pride, like it was our own coming-out event. Aunts are finally being recognized and communicated to by the leading toy and baby gear brands in America. We've made it, Aunties!

Here's a photo of Maggie taken by Tim Kress-Spatz from Ambush.TV. She's handing the $250,000 check to the Wildlife Conservation Society via Fisher-Price.



So cheers to you, my Auntie friends!  And cheers to you, Fisher-Price.Thanks for recognizing aunts as an important and influential segment of consumers for your products.

See some of Savvy Auntie's favorite Fisher-Price Precious Planet(TM) products in our Gifts section. Type in key word: Precious.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - Savvy Auntie TV is launching soon. It's the first online streaming video designed just for Savvy Aunties and delivered straight to you. Stay tuned!

January 25, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine sent me a photo of a gorgeous young man in fatigues, a rifle over his shoulder and his head down, looking tired.  It was a BBC photojournalist's shot of an Israeli soldier in Gaza. Turns out, it was a photo of her nephew.

"What's an aunt supposed to do," my friend asked as she IMed me the link to his photo online. "How does an aunt deal with seeing her nephew in danger, and yet reconcile that with her pride as he is fighting terrorism?" It's one thing to know your 20 year old nephew is at war. It's quite another to see him in action.

Just a couple of weeks earlier, a Savvy Auntie member sent in a Dear Savvy Auntie question. Her nephew, an American soldier, was just shipped to Guantanamo, Cuba. What was she to do? How could she show her pride about her soldier nephew as an aunt? The same member also started a Forum thread, receiving informative and supportive posts from other Savvy Aunties.

From the time they are born, aunts want to help keep their nieces and nephews safe.  They hold their tiny hands as they cross the street. They buy them floaties for the pool.  They get them helmets for their first bike lesson, and smile with pride as a child finally pedals on her own. They help them park their new car in front of her house after just receiving their driving permit, praying that they remember to put on their seat belt when they leave.

As they grow up, it gets harder and harder for aunts to keep their nieces and nephews safe. Some young men and women are called up to service. And while not a parent, aunts are still madly in love with their now grown nieces and nephews in uniform and want no harm to come their way.

How is an aunt supposed to feel when she sees her nephew or niece at war?

I didn't know how to respond to my friend then. And I still don't.

But I did tear up when I saw his photo. Because I know he's a brother. A son. A nephew. A friend's nephew. And I want no harm to come his way.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

If you have a nephew or niece serving in our armed forces, we honor them and we honor you. We invite you to start a Savvy Auntie Group to share your experiences until they all return home, safely.

January 18, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

During the election process, there was lots of talk about "Family" and "Hockey Moms" and
"Soccer Moms" and I applaud and support all efforts to reach out and include what parents believe to be priorities for their families and for the families of this nation. These moms and dads are our nieces' and nephews' parents and we respect their decisions to keep their families safe and well.

But sometimes in America, we talk about Family as if there are no other people in this country other than those with children. The statistics say something else. The 2006 US Census Bureau Fertility Report shows that 45.1% of American women do not have children. And because these women are not included in the American vernacular of "Family"  they are sometimes left out of the national conversation altogether.

I have dubbed this segment of American women, "PANKs" - Professional Aunts No Kids.

Here's a blog post I wrote back in August when the 2006 US Census Bureau Fertility Report was published. It will give you a better sense as to the data and why it's important that we begin to be included in the national conversation when it comes to issues that concern us, like the economy, wages, health, and yes - even education. After all, we contribute a lot to the US economy. There aren't very many "Stay at Home Aunties," so the money we earn often goes straight back into the economy. Just like moms, we're buying cars, homes and electronics. And we're also investing in our nieces' and nephews' 529 college funds, and yes, buying them gifts. And we're traveling to see them and taking vacations that parents may not be able to afford because of both time and money.

PANKs contribute a lot to the US economy. And we are often the unsung heroes of the American Family as we lend a hand with our time and discretionary income - and love.

We have a voice. And I hope President-Elect Obama can hear us. I believe he will. I believe he does. I believe he can.

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

Want more Savvy Auntie? Become a member of our Fan Page on Facebook!

January 11, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

My baby is growing up - my company that is. I launched SavvyAuntie.com six months ago this week and I can't believe how far we've come.

Now if you know my story, you know how much it means to me to be able to offer the other 50% of American women who don't have kids, a place where we can all become Savvy Aunties. Of course Mommy-Aunties are a welcome part of the Savvy Auntie Community - we rely on your perspective as moms.

In just six months, SavvyAuntie.com has become the premier destination for ABRs (Aunts by Relation) ABCs (Aunts by Choice), godmothers, great aunts, and all women who love kids. I am overwhelmed by the response from Savvy Aunties and the media. In fact, we were recently named in Springwise.com's Top 10 List of Lifestyle and Leisure Ideas (not just websites!) for 2008!

We've got some pretty exciting things coming up for Savvy Auntie for our second "6 months" and I cannot wait to share them with you soon.

In the meantime, if you want to get to know me better, read my blog -where I share the story of how I started the company of my dreams, and watch me on FoxNews.com/StrategyRoom - an online streaming news show - where you can often find me as part of the panel from 12-1PM EST.

Thanks for all your support so far and here's to the next 6 months!

XOXO,
Melanie Notkin
Founder, SavvyAuntie.com

PS - We're celebrating our first 6 months with fun stuff on our Facebook Fan Page! Join us there!

January 4, 2009

Dear Savvy Aunties,

The new year is often filled with promise and optimism. This is the year we'll get in shape. Find love. Have a child. Change our career.

But this year, with all the negativity around the economy, it's tougher for some to get the boost they need to start the year off right.

How can you lose weight when you can't afford a gym membership? Or how can you find love when you can't afford the online dating site memberships or single's events. Or a cute new dress to make you feel good about yourself when you do get that date. Having a child on your own? Impossible when your job is on the line. And the luxury of changing your career this year? Not even an option. You just feel happy to have the job you have. After all, a couple of your friends are out of work, so who are you to compromise your job?

To all that I say, enough!  Sure, don't spend money that doesn't need to be spent. Don't buy a latte when you can brew coffee at home. Don't spend money on lunch when you can brown bag it. Don't put money on a credit card you can't pay off at the end of the month.

But do have hope. Do forge ahead. Do make plans. Can't afford the gym? Park 10 blocks away from the office and walk the rest of the way. Ask friends to set you up and wear what you feel good in, even if it's from a couple of years ago. Changes are, he's looking at your winning smile, not your dress. Thinking about having a child on your own? Put all the pieces in place. It will take more than a year and we all expe